DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

@@FleetwoodMacAttack an 11 year old should not need to be closely supervised and should be able to be trusted with a small animal. He should also know that if he throws it across the room it will seriously injure it and if he doesn’t know how to react to killing a little creature then he is a sociopath.

What part of both mothers were in the room has escaped you?!

How difficult OP, I know how very attached my DS’s are to their various pets and they would be traumatised if this happened to them. I would deal with it by wholeheartedly agreeing how tragic and awful it was, I wouldn’t push them to see the friend at all, keep a distance and see if his friend is sorry. TBH , the friend would likely be mortified to know that the pet died but his mum will probably also try to soften the blow (e.g it was an accident, you didn’t mean it) and she will also be trying to reduce his trauma.
I have two pet deaths incidents to share…one where we had newly hatched teeny tiny stick insects that my children got out of the hatchery to show dad when he arrived home..Dad stomped across the lounge with his size 11s to greet the boys and the rest as they say, is history. Boys wanted me to rush the very flat and definitely deceased insect to the vets. Full on funeral ceremony in the back garden and many tears were shed. Dad was in bad books for some time.
Incident 2, actually took place in my childhood. My younger brother was helping to clean out our goldfish tank and accidentally dropped a 2L bottle full of water that cut one of his beloved fish clean in half in front of his very innocent and fish loving eyes. How my baby brother howled and mourned and felt murderous for many months (years?). It was so very tough to deal with at the time. It meant everything to him and he had been bought up to value every living being and treat them with respect.
Be there for your little boy, experience of death for any living being at his age is so shocking and as real and as important to him as a close relative dying. Maybe some white lies that it was painless death and then let him have a lovely burial service etc so that you show you understand and value the loss.
I think his friend and his mum will be looking at ways to block/minimise this very sad accident. Especially if they do not have pets. They won’t get it at all.

My backside!

Am I?
”I did see it. He was sitting down, hamster nipped him, he stood up and flung his arm wide and she flew off and hit the floor.”

With so many posters defending the dickhead is it really so surprising that many men turn out to be even bigger dickheads?

Yup

You wouldn’t fling your arm wide, you’d drop it in shock. Then want to pick it up to see it’s ok. Or just be scared. Not angry!

Going against the grain too. Stop giving children caged small animals that only live for a couple of years as a pet.

Think and stop copying other people's shit decisions

I as an adult got bitten by a little hamster , and it shocked me and I threw my hand away from me in response and it landed hard on floor. I felt awful, it was an accident, it survived. I guess at 11 he would not know that his reaction would kill said hamster and I also you haven’t seen his reaction in private. Not making excuses
for him but I’d see this as an accident and work out more what he’s like normally. Is he a kind friend? Is he unkind? To whether you want this child in your child’s life. also I would hope he may now apologise knowing the hamster has died? If this is the last thing in a long string off worries you have about the boy I would understand ending the friendship but if he’s normally caring perhaps give you son sometime to work out what he wants to do. Hopefully he will get an apology.

There are always people who minimise what children this age do. As if horrible adults suddenly become horrible when they turn 18 years old. When most adults know that horrible children grow into horrible adults unless they have significant intervention to prevent this happening.

I absolutely could see someone flinging their arm in shock. Very natural reaction. I was bitten by an earwig once and did similar. I think this is why PP are asking how did hamster die - just head injuries or neck also?

Stop defending animal cruelty.

I'm not?

The hamster shouldn't be in a cage and passed around. The owner is as much to blame for its death.

There is more outrage and anger over the dropping of a rodent than I’ve ever seen on posts about violence against women and girls tbh. It’s something to behold.

Oh you're one of those types.

That's what I was thinking. People who react with violence are the types that shake their babies when they're frustrated and deck their girlfriends when they've angered them.

did he fling instinctively or actually throw??

either way, lack of remorse is concerning!

I've got a similar age hamster, she bit me once, she's bit my 10 year old. He didn't flip her across the room, just a ouch. I dont blame your son at all for not wanting to be friends with that kid. 11 years old ffs. If I accidentally killed my friends pet, I'd have been crying my eyes out (full of remorse).

What type 😳?

Word. Kid's a fucking sociopath. OTT aggressive to his sibling from OP's description, now this.

I'd never let him near my house again. OP's son shows good judgement wanting no more to do with him.

The type who doesn't think a hamsters life should be spent in a cage being cute for a selfish humans child? That is fine.

There's been a lot of mud slinging here despite it not being clear if the hamster was slung or thrown. I think on the day Jesus rose again from the dead, it's correct to remember that this adult hamster has died by whichever method and that its a terrible loss. Hopefully in time, the child will feel remorse and atone.

I’d expect someone who got a nip of an animal to drop not to fling it across a room.