DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

I’ve heard of vets doing this, it’s almost the action controlled from our reptilian brain - a bit like pulling your hand away from something hot, up you don’t think about it per se. It’s called the hamster flick. If it was instantaneous reaction to being bitten, I don’t think it’s the 11 year olds fault, if he waited a few seconds and then threw it in anger, it’s a different issue. Which is it OP?

I have reiterated that it was an accident

So sorry for your son. I can bet there will be more behaviour like that from this boy when he grows older, sadly.

If your son witnessed it, I don't think you're doing him a particular favour by saying this to him. He knows perfectly well what happened. It's important that he recognises aggressive, alarming behaviour when he encounters it, and that it's acknowledged by you, the adult, and not be gaslit into accepting this sort of thing as an 'accident'.

I have cats and they do not hurt other animals.

the boy who killed the hamster sounds horrible.

Not intending to split hairs at all. Just to point out that while dog or cat (or person) might indeed be just a baby at 4mo a hamster is not. Its age is no reason for additional upset. Obviously it's a sad situation anyway.

If any of my kids had killed anything they would have been distraught! He killed a hamster. A poor little defensive animal and your child’s pet. That would be devastating for your child his friend should be mortified! I wouldn’t want my child to be friends with him. Not just because he killed it but because he should feel remorseful.

In the absence of a clearly titled thread would people still require a tw for a thread about the death of hamster?

OP, I'm with your son on this - accidents do happen, but that doesn't negate consequences and feelings are feelings. Your son has every right to cut hamster killer out of his life.

Absolutely this

I think he's a nasty little psycho and wouldn't want him to be friends with DS. Steer clear.
Poor hamster

So what if they are 11!! How can you say this was an accident!! This kid deliberately killed a live creature, why are you making excuses for him?!!

“Deliberately killed” is a bit of a stretch …

Cats are hunters by nature.
A cat killing a rodent is very different to a swearing , effing and blinding Eleven year old who threw a hamster across the room with such force that it suffered fatal injuries- and the kid wasn't even sorry afterwards.

This isn;t a natural reaction and animal cruelty in childhood IS linked to later abuse in adult life.
Patrick Mackay hurt animals in childhood before becoming a murderer of vulnerable people.
{old women and a priest}

Wow, he’s only 11 I really doubt he meant to hurt the hamster. Presumably he wasn’t sure how to react when he got hurt. I think the posters calling this kid a sociopath are massively out of order - they should have you been closely supervised by the OP.

I'll go against the grain a bit here and say that I can see how this was a semi-accident as in the friend got a shock and his reflexes kicked in. I don't know if I'd be so extremely harsh as others have been about him.

Agreed. Poor kid may well be distraught now. Perfectly possible to have compassion for all in this sad situation.

What.The.Fuck?????
You would "give the dog a good kick"
Would you now, you despicable creature.
I would have you done for animal cruelty. At the least.
You've got a nerve to even admit that.

@Bellsandthistle OP (who was actually there) said he flung it across the room so yes that’s what we are picturing. You are obviously imagining a completely different scenario.

The hamster didn't draw blood.

Both adults were there when it happened.

This boy was eleven, old enough to know better and didn't show the slightest shred of remorse afterwards, and not did his mother.

I might have agreed, other than the total lack if remorse ( you don’t show remorse hours after the event) and the fact that at 11 years old his immediate reaction was fucking thing bit me

This boy "is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling" and was not at all upset after he flung the poor little hamster. He was angry, and said "fucking thing bit me".

I’m so sorry what an awful thing to happen! I genuinely think they do not see animals in the same way. The mum’s response was quite shocking. I’d be devastated!! She’s acting like it was a toy. And I know you’re trying to be kind, by the boy’s response is definitely not on. I can imagine it’s quite traumatic for your son so do give him some time to process this.

My friend’s rabbit bit me and I nearly dropped it but the first thought in my head was ‘oh no I can’t drop it!’

At the end of the day, this child doesn’t care about or respect animals like your son does. They are very different. Probably good they start drifting now.

The psychopathic little shit would be banned from my house.

What kind of psychopathic 11yo flings a small animal across a room? No excuse for that sort of behaviour and I wouldn't encourage the friendship.

Not remotely, not relevant in the slightest!

And yes, I have three indoor cats so my conscience is clear.

I also monitor neighbours' cats in my garden stalking birds so have probably saved a few.

Still think this boy is a potential psycho in the making.

My DC2 got bitten by a hamster in a cage in a petshop, aged around 8/9. Sucked the resultant blood off their finger (ugh!) - no anger whatsoever at the hamster. DC had no business sticking their finger into the cage! Lesson learned!