DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

Oh dear lord, quit while you're behind!!

That's not a normal reaction to killing an animal by accident. He's 11 not 4 I'd worry about other situations when he's angry.

I'm so sorry this has happened. Nothing as serious but I remember my son having a friend over for the first time. I walked into the kitchen to see this 'friend' really hurting my son by pinching him really hard to get him out of the way, they were jostling each other at the 'treat' drawer. He was never invited again.

It's not your fault, try not to feel so bad about it. I don't think anyone would be expecting that to happen or even feel the need to be keeping a close eye on a child of that age with a hamster.
My pets meant the world to me at that age, I still remember being distraught when my goldfish died. I say that as this loss for your son could feel huge so if he can't move past it and be friends with this boy again that's understandable.
I don't agree with adults holding it against him though. It was clearly a heat of the moment and he is still a child. I'm sure he didn't intend to kill the hamster.

A baby? What age do you think hamsters reach maturity?

The fact that the hamster was an adult doesn't make the situation any less sad of course though. It didn't deserve what happened to it. That said it is important to realise that hamsters are nippy and maybe aren't the ideal kids' pets they are thought of. As has been pointed out they are nocturnal and in the wild cover huge distances at night. When kept as pets and handled they have a tendency to bite. I'd suggest a pair of guinea pigs or rats be better kids' small pets tbh.

I think it's perfectly possible the child once bitten acted instinctively and for all we know may be beside themselves on learning their friend's hamster died.

Tbh I'm sad for the hamster, the friend, OP and her son. Don't think anyone needs labelling a psychopath.

Nope. If the kid wasn't immediately sorry that they'd hurt the hamster then I'd be encouraging DS to steer clear of him as well. He's 11, not 5. At that age kids know right from wrong and should be capable of feeling remorse and empathy for the poor dead hamster and it's owners.

The kid sounds cruel and I wouldn't want them around mine.

Oh come off it!!! There was nothing wrong with the hamster until this horrible boy threw it across the room!!

Please stop excusing him for being in Year 6, i.e. Primary School in 6 months time he will be in Year 7 - in Secondary School.

6 months !!!

Sorry, I put year 6 because I wanted to make the slight distinction that they are in primary school still.

Robert Thompson and Jon Venables were 10 when they abducted and murdered James Bulger.

If your son is put off by this friend killing his hamser, and who wouldn't be, then listen to him. There are other boys in the world to make friends with in time.

I’m not sure that the OP has requested a post mortem to determine such details 🙄

Stop splitting hairs! As has also been pointed out, this hamster had bitten the OP's son on one occasion when frightened.

@HamsterAccident would you consider a different type of pet? I'm not a fan of hamsters tbh though I'd never harm one - too rodent-like for me - but I wouldn't have considered them as a child's pet because of their short lifespan. Would you consider adopting a rescue cat?

Oh no, it’s you again… maybe stop posting tonight 😂

Cruel kids do exist, OP.

I once minded a friend's son at our house and he was awful to our cat. The poor thing was so scared of him that I picked it up to take it away from the kids and he ran at me and threw a huge ball at the cat really hard while it was in my arms. I was so angry but he just laughed it off.

I also babysat him in his own home and he repeatedly went out of his way to scare his dog. I tried to explain to him that the dog was scared and shaking but again, he just laughed.

He was also cruel to other kids. He once tempted a friend's child around a corner at the local park, out of site of the adults, then set about scratching and punching him for no reason at all. He just wanted to get a younger child alone so he could hurt them.

Stop trying to rationalise this and see it for what it is - a horrible act from a child who is more than old enough to know better.

PLEASE do not push your child into forgiving this.

But then I’m second guessing myself that maybe that is how people react to being nipped if they’ve never had a pet? I don’t know

No. I had never had a pet and I can still remember being bitten by my friends hamster that I was holding while she cleaned his cage. Twice. Full length of its teeth which really hurt. At no point did I think flinging it across the room was right! Gave it back to friend very quickly!

I've owned a lot of hamsters, and I can accept that jumping and flinging the hamster could be an instinctive response to being bitten. If the kid isn't used to them and wasn't expecting it especially.
And he saw OP pick it up, apparently uninjured?

Don't forget many people consider rodents to be creepy/vermin, possibly why the mum is polite but unbothered.

I'd be interested to know how many posters raging upthread own cats, and are therefore responsible for many more small animals enduring much more painful deaths than this kid you're all calling a psycho?

This is so horrible. Throwing the hamster across the room is a complete overreaction. I have had lots of small pets in the past, and sometimes they've given me a nip and I've moved out of reflex - but that's only so much as dropping the animal onto my knee, not throwing it across the room. Plus, even throwing it across the room, it'd have to be with some force to kill it.

Make sure the boy's parents know, and I absolutely don't blame your son for not wanting to spend time with this boy anymore.

I'd be interested to know how many posters raging upthread own cats, and are therefore responsible for many more small animals enduring much more painful deaths than this kid you're all calling a psycho?

What do cats have to do with this??? An 11 year old acting like that towards an animal is really disturbing.

That child need help! That was not an accident. The reflex would be to drop not lob across the room. If they mother was there what is she doing about it? (other than offering to replace which is so wrong because that’s not how you deal with the death of a loved pet)

So sorry you and your son are going through this, it must be such a shock.

He's 11 years old and should be able to handle a little nip without such an over the top reaction, ive been bitten a few times as a young child and cant say its a normal reaction, its hardly biting your finger off. This isn't your fault.

I would cut them out of your life as its not like they go to the same school and I don't think its fair to force your child to see someone who has killed their pet.

@DecayedStrumpet - very bizarre to liken cats to humans when it comes to killing/hunting!

The little shit wouldn't step foot in my house again, nor would his mother. Don't force your son to be friends with him, there would be no forgiving and forgetting in my house.

Btw this is weird. “Oh no” …? Most people would be like I am soooo sorry I can’t even find the words. I’m so sorry it was of course an accident but genuinely can’t believe it so sorry. Or something similar. She sounds pretty casual about her son killing another child’s pet. Weird. I’d steer clear

I think some posters are picturing him standing up and launching the hamster across the room. That would be obviously unacceptable. Standing up in shock and flinging his arms open and the hamster dropping to the floor is entirely different.
Still sad, but let’s calm down with the psychopath label ffs.

The title is very clear. No TW is needed.

I keep my cats indoor only. Am I allowed to be outraged at this kid's behaviour?