DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

JFC do you not realize that 11 is far too old for that type of response? And to not be distraught at having killed an innocent animal on such a disgusting way?? I personally would not want my kid to have such a friend.

I think the key thing is did the child get bitten and fling the hamster in pain, or they get bitten and then throw the hamster in rage? Did the hamster have any neck injuries (which would suggest a twisting fling from pain) or just head injuries?

I think this is really spot on. All of his actions indicate someone who was angry, not shocked.

And @HamsterAccident, I think as far as your son “remaining” friends with this boy, you need to reframe the situation. Your son HAS lost a friend today. He watched his friend, “Fluffy,” be killed by another child. I have a friend whose guinea pig was killed in the same manner. He felt the same way as your son, and it wasn’t a knee jerk reaction. We are allowed to dislike people as adults; children are allowed to as well. Your son knows what this boy did (the actions taken in anger vs. shock as @PlumpHobbit pointed out). As his parent, I would recommend you simply support him. If he doesn’t have a lot of human friends, the loss of Fluffy may be even harder. I wasn’t the most popular child, and as a result, would have been devastated to lose my cat in year 6.

I think you need to respect your DS's wishes. If he doesn't want to see the friend again, then personally I think that's a good thing. A natural reaction would have been to drop it to the floor, not throw it in a rage.

Best wishes OP. Please, please don’t blame yourself. It would be strange not to be able to trust an 11 year old with a pet, particularly when adults are present. If the kid had been bitten, accidentally dropped the hamster and then been distraught that would seem like an accident. But for him to fling the hamster and then be angry is a major red flag. Look after DC and support him. Nobody needs a friend like that kid. The kid who killed the hamster sounds like he needs professional help. The only kid I know who deliberately hurt pets is now showing some disturbing behavior towards other children. So sorry again you have lost a much loved pet.

He was angry the hamster had nipped him and not concerned about the hamster tbh. But they are 11

This is very worrying. Most 11 year olds would be rather traumatised/devastated to have inadvertently hurt/killed an animal

A lot of posters seem to be missing the fact that the hamster didn’t die in the child’s presence. The death happened later.

If an 11 year old killed an animal there should be consequences. It's old enough to know better. You shouldn't be blaming yourself.

This is the sticking point for me. If “Fluffy” had been latched on, teeth deep in finger/hand then I can believe the freak out and automatic reaction to shake your hand until they let go (this happened to my mother and my sisters Russian hamsters when we were kids. He was fine, thankfully).
This child got a shock (no blood) and threw a living animal across the room in anger.

When I was 8/9 a friends’ hamster bit me. I gently put him back, hid the tears and never told a soul, even him, in embarrassment. I went to try to clean up (saying I needed the loo) and it wouldn’t stop bleeding so I wrapped my finger in my (denim- it was the 90s) top. Later on his mum made a joke that I’d got my chocolate mousse all over me and I agreed with her 🤦‍♀️. Normal reaction should never be violence.

I’m so sorry for your poor son. Give him time and understanding. This is going to hit far harder than any other death.

What's that got to do with it? The hamster died as a result of the psycho brat throwing it across the room.

I agree, OP's son does sound like a lovely boy.

My son was an ''only'' child {He's an adult now} but he was always kind to his pets, like OP's son.

@HamsterAccident , my son was like yours, had a few friends, but quality counts over quantity.
He was lonely as we lived away from where most of the classmates lived.

I got a second dog, supposedly for me, but son and the dog bonded so much {same age as your son, OP} that he was almost like a 'Brother' to DS.

I'm not suggesting you get a dog , but if a child is lonely, and likes walking , and you also don't mind caring for a dog, as a lot of the walking will fall to you, a well mannered dog can be a lovely companion for an only child.

The hamster obviously didn't want to be picked up. Poor hamster made to live in a cage and be given to visitors to be petted. I think more than one human is to be blamed about it's death. The hamster wasn't a toy.

I can tell you’re struggling to do the right thing @HamsterAccident , but frankly I think your kid has the right idea. The other child is at best untrustworthy & impulsive, at worst something much less pleasant. I’m very disappointed in the mother too, animals are not replaceable.
By all means help your son develop new friendships, but don’t teach him to hang on to bad people for the sake of having any relationships at all.

I’m very upset, so I can only imagine how your son feels. A friend of mine killed by hamster whilst looking after them whilst I was on holiday when I was your Sonos’s age & I never forgave them 😥.

I'd give you some leeway here because it's a wild animal. Throwing it off is self preservation!

A family pet that is gently placed in your cupped hand nips, do you fling it across the room, or do you:
drop it
jump
dump it back on friend's lap
Say ouch

Why does it matter if the hamster died at the time or later from injuries as PP suggests? Is this insinuation of death unrelated to the throwing incident ? Was the hamster otherwise unwell?

Because the op doesn’t know how the child reacted to actually finding out the hamster was hurt and died. Before we write them off as a psycho.

@IWasAimingForTheSky - there really isn't a need, and it's derailing that you've chosen to open and comment on a thread that it's pretty bloody obvious what the content of the post is. You made a conscious decision to open it, read it, and comment seeing what the title said. The OP is shocked by the friends response and that her son's friendship would appear to be over. Maybe look at titles before you get involved.

Don't be so gullible.

I can understand why your son is upset but i was bitten by my siblings hamster as a child and im still terrified of them. I dont think it drew blood either but it was sore and it gave me a fright. I jumped up and flung the hamster. The hamster was fine. If the hamster was fine when the boy was at your house, im not sure how you wanted him to react. Its not like you can overly tell whats going on with them. I think its an unfortunate accident and dont think your son should cut him off unless there is a backstory and other issues with the boy.

Maybe read the thread before you comment - that poster has come back and apologised, which is big of them. Let it go...!!!

I think if a number of people have experienced being bit by a hamster it means hamsters don't really want to be passed around by huge humans for fun.

The wee thing was just a baby, 4 months old!! The horrible little cruel shit killed it by throwing it in temper!

God I don't know anything about hamsters, but I can read!!

I was pmsl at your earlier notion of a "violent" hamster!!!

I was bitten by a neighbour's rabbit once - ungrateful wretch as not only was I minding it while they were away, I had saved its life when I spotted it wandering in the street!! - but I didn't react violently!

One of my cats once scratched a friend quite badly - she picked the cat up while I was urgently trying to tell her not to because the cat didn't like being lifted even by us!! She dropped the cat on the chair but she didn't punish it for something that wasn't the cat's fault!

The poor thing wasn't even latched on when the kid 'flung' him, plus he had time to stand up. Sorry but that is not a normal reaction at any age, certainly not 11. And the lack of remorse after is chilling. I would be avoiding this kid like the plague.

Well you obviously haven't known any chronically unwell hamsters, as I've known two. Poor little things didn't stand a chance, and their deaths weren't due to head trauma! Again I'm not sure of the relevance of time of death as PP mentions?

Yep that would be it for me. I’d support what ever decision your son makes about his friend.

id also be concerned about this child’s over reaction, his lack of remorse and his mums response. It’s really not normal and rather concerning.