DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

That vile little psychopath would never be seeing my child again

Also, I had a hamster growing up (younger than 11 - about 8 or 9) which bit me now and again. It drew blood once and it had really long teeth - as a baby you hardly feel it. It’s a shock in that you jump slightly and go “Ouch!” but not one where you’d throw it. That’s anger, not shock - and the swearing tells you it’s anger too.

Kid sounds horrible and your son sounds well rid. I’d be proud if your son was mine, amid the sadness of course.

I don’t think you should be telling your son that you can’t fall out with his friend. Your son is extremely upset and by saying it wasn’t intentional it probably makes your son feel that his feelings aren’t valid. It doesn’t need to have been intentional for your son to be too upset to be friends with the boy anymore. Other boy doesn’t sound very nice tbh.

It is not your fault OP - this boy sounds like a complete sod - he was probably squashing the animal hence the nip. I'm so sorry for your son and the hamster, what a horrible experience.

Going against the grain, labelling this boy as a sociopath is very unfair. He probably accidentally flung it to get it off as a reaction to being bitten. It was a reaction to the bite as he was not expecting it. He didn't deliberately seek to harm the hamster like sociopaths do. Also probably too shocked to feel remorse! Your son's reaction is perfectly understandable. But don't think there is anything sinister in the boy's reaction at all. He just flung it as a reaction to being bitten. It wasn't like he was throwing the hamster for fun, which would indicate something sinister.

Over my dead body would I let that vile psycho and its parent anywhere near my family again.

"Fucking thing bit me" - disgusting behaviour from an 11 year old. I'd be concerned about them being alone with my child. Cut them out completely and don't look back.

It's perfectly acceptable for your son to choose not to be friends with the boy though. Horrible thing to happen.

Poor you, your son and hamster

I'd maybe understand if she had bitten hard/clamped down and he'd reflexively waved his hand in pain and shock, but it was the fact he stood up and then did it, to me that's not reflexive it's deliberate, especially if she wasn't still attached. If he'd waved his hand while she was still attached, as he was sat down the consequences wouldn't probably have been so serious

Standing up meant the fall was further, then to shake her off to me says not reflexive, reflexive would be one or the other

If she wasn't still attached it makes it worse too, also the lack of blood (I've been bitten by one as a child and it bloody hurts) but the fact he wasn't bleeding or marked...

How did he react to seeing her land, id have expected him to be upset/ask if she was ok/be sorry, if he wasn't to me there's a big problem, same for how mum reacted, an adult would see pretty quickly there was a problem/potential problem due to the height she fell from

I'd support your son in this better to have few friends than ones like this

"They are year 6 age."

As an American, this was confusing to me as well. We would say they are sixth graders except your year 6 is equivalent to our fifth grade and me having to translate both grade to age and UK to US. Then OP stated that the boy was 11, which solved the problem.

In defense of the UK readers, seeing 6 and age in the same sentence was the most likely cause of the confusion, as a skimming error could have been read as "6 years of age".

Signed, someone interested in linguistics and languages.

Also, an extended family member "accidently" squished a hamster to death by grabbing it by the neck and we all thought she would grow up to be a sociopath and I'm not convinced to this day that we were wrong.

I think it’s fairly obvious from the title.

We are like you OP, I don't have children yet, but growing up and now animals were part of the family and couldn't just be replaced

Sorry I used the wrong word. I meant to quote : @InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow

"The kid sounds like a sociopath."

But misquoted her.

@SheIIy

Sorry, I misquoted another poster :
"The kid sounds like a sociopath."

I once had a hamster clamp onto my finger. I flicked my hand a few times to get it off as it was really painful. I was a similar age. I can’t imagine throwing it across the room. That’s so cruel especially as it was in anger and not in panic.

Given the hamster has only nipped once before in quite specific circumstances, could the other boy have been handling it a little too roughly to begin with, squeezing too tight, etc? Just a thought given the nipping was out of character for the poor hamster.

Sorry wrong thread!

This is dreadful behaviour. I'm with your son on this, and also the mum should have done more to have made the child apologise. How awful!

I think you're on the wrong thread ~ we're discussing hamsters!

If the boy has sown no remorse then I agree it is very concerning but do we know that? I may have missed it but I saw OP told the mum about the death, has there been contact since then? Do you know how the boy has reacted to the news or since hearing it?
It may be that the mum will be in touch again soon with more apologies and information on the boys reaction. If there is nothing from them I would certainly consider distancing them

I think I found the post you meant to quote me in.

If you're asking me if the kid is a sociopath because he hurt the hamster, no, it's the reaction, or lack thereof, that makes me think that. I would expect apologies and concern and guilt and tears from a genuine accident.

(Sorry if its the wrong post I was looking at)

11 years old, hurting animals, and no sign of remorse?

I'd be worried about the path that child is going down, and I would be quite happy my own child was ending the friendship.

Abusing animals is often the first sign of a child with serious issues.

Horrific situation. I can’t understand why you aren’t condemning this horrible child in the strongest terms! Why should you be forgiving? The reaction of the killer child’s mother (replacing an animal like it’s a broken phone FFS) also speaks volumes for their values.

I wouldn’t have that horrible child anywhere near my family again. It actually seems as if your own child has stronger moral values on this than you do which Is bizarre.

Feel so sorry for your poor child and even more sorry for an innocent creature which must have died in pain.

Also you should have immediately taken the hamster to an emergency vet, BTW, not just leave it to die in pain. So irresponsible.

We've had guinea pigs before but as I get older I really hate the thought of animals in cages. Also, I know of many hamster accidents.

I've also stupidly picked up a mouse up that my old cat bought in and it bit me and my reaction was to throw it off.

An understand throwing it if it nipped the boy, I think that’s instinctive. But you would also expect an “oh fuck did I hurt it” to follow up immediately. No remorse is not a good sign and I would want some distance between that kid and mine.

How many hamster bites have you had?

Fuck knows, tonnes

How many hamsters have I killed in response to them biting me?

Zero. How about you? I’m going to suggest likely zero as well.