DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

OP said at the start that the children are year 6. Which is age 10-11.

I shook a hamster off forcefully when it bit my finger. It was deep and drew blood which manage to spurt across the room when it let go. It was so painful and absolutely a reflex. I didn’t think about it it just happened. The pain from the hamster bite was something else. Afterwards, I remember a vet saying they feared hamsters the most. I was so upset about it but luckily it landed on soft carpet. I have been bitten and stung by loads of animals but apart from a weaverfish, the hamster hurt the most. I got bit by a snake once from holding a gorgeous live rat just before the snake. Rats are smelly but make better pets imo.

It’s a horrid, horrid accident. Try not to let it upset you or your child too much.

They're not 6 - they're in YEAR 6! As stated in the OP.

A violent hamster ffs have you ever seen one? The OP said she didn't usually nip

Trigger warning 😂 🧌

What a vile child. Both his reaction to being slightly nipped and his lack of remorse afterwards for hurting the animal. I would definitely completely distance myself from the family.

Hopefully your DS can bring himself to get a new hamster friend in time.

I'm so sorry, but like a pp who also likes animals, I did similar as a small child. We had hamsters, a rabbit, 2 dogs, as pets, do used to pets, but once nipped by a friends pet, I panicked and threw my arm away, and the little gerbil went flying. Was fine. But. I did something similar, not flung at a wall, but I felt terrible.

Are you absolutely sure he's psychotic?

Agree absolutely.

I have a 10yo.

Absolutely no way would they or their friends throw an animal.

Reaction surely would be to drop it at worst.

Hence why if anyone holds ours they sit on the floor (also so if it makes a dash and falls off their lap it only falls a short distance.)

Did you miss the bit where his mother was present?!! And the hamster in question didn't have a history of biting??

He doesn't appear to feel terrible, there's the difference.

The kid that killed the hamster will not be good influence later in life. That's the start of serial killer behaviour. Better to cut the cord now.

My daughter is 5 and asked me what the hell I had done when I had accidentally ran over a snail with the pram wheel. An 11 year old would know that throwing an animal across a room is unacceptable and could hurt the animal.

WOW...not good. Don't blame yourself. Not your fault

it is a hamster!

@Oblomov24 well he's not psychotic because that's completely different condition to what you probably mean, which is psychopathic.

Nobody here knows if he's sociopathic/psychopath of but being angry and unfazed at seriously harming a small animal is not normal. Even if the fear was for yourself at being told off/having a friend being cross - you would show some kind of regret or remorse.

Some hamsters are very bitey, particularly if they are not regularly handled.

Most are ok as longs you make sure they can see your approaching hand (hamsters have very poor eyesight) so that you don't startle them, and scoop them up in a manner that makes them feel safe (they fear being dropped, as do most animals).

This hamster didn't break the skin - it didn't "bite", it "nipped". Honestly, that's nothing. You barely feel it. I suspect that it was being held too tightly and was afraid of being crushed/ couldn't breath properly.

Edit for spelling

@ChedderGorgeous syrian hamsters rarely bite, usually out of fear, so provoked

@ChedderGorgeous, violent?! She bit DS once because he grabbed her from the front and scared her. Never before or since had she bitten anyone, not even nipped them.

Also, as I’ve said about 5 times… I said Year 6 in the OP, which I regret, but I felt I should make the distinction between them being in primary and secondary.

Yea as other PP have said definitely more about the child's reaction than anything. They may have been so shocked to have been bitten they did something really stupid and feel awful. Not an excuse but is what it is. Or might be a psychopath in the making.
A friend of mine told me to sit on his bed, close my eyes and hold my hands out. I felt something warm, moving and heavy, opened my eyes and there was a whole tortoise in my hands. I squealed and threw it on the bed in shock!! Luckily no harm done but i was MORTIFIED and so apologetic. I can see how a stupid reaction can happen, but it absolutely needs apologising for.
However the important thing is your son and respecting his wish to not be friends, at least for now while he is grieving is the right decision. If friend apologises profusely, and tries to make amends and DS wants to have him round again in future then I would allow it as refusing to allow the friendship to mend if that's what he wants could result in DS not moving on from the incident and making it emotionally worse.

I do wonder if the kid squeezed the hamster in the first place...
Whatever though, the little shit wouldnt be stepping foot in my house again, and can totally understand if your DS wants nothing more to do with him!

opened my eyes and there was a whole tortoise in my hands

In fairness - half a tortoise would have been worse

Did he throw it or fling his arm and the hamster flew off? Those are two very different scenarios.

There's really no way to understand this situation without a lot more detail. I'd just go with what your son wants and don't keep telling him it wasn't his friend's fault or feeling like it's your fault OP.

Either the kid is a rotter or he isn't comfortable showing any vulnerability and can't admit remorse. Either way, sounds like the boy struggles in a way that won't make him an easy person to be a friend to. Maybe he has crappy parents or there's some other issue. That isn't your responsibility. If your son doesn't want to be friends with someone who killed his pet and can't say a meaningful sorry, that's fair enough.

I duno to start with I though this child must of just picked up a hamster and yeeted it for the shits and giggles or something.

However he was bit/nipped jumped up in shock shook his hand and said oww it fucking bit me. I don’t think his the devil reincarnated.

Everyone can go oh no if I was bitten I’d do this, but one till you are you don’t know and honestly my first thought for anything biting me is get it the fuck off me. Honestly don’t care how. Because I’m in pain and wtf so I’d of probably jumped and flapped and weee would go the hamster.

Im guessing we don’t actually know if the child’s sad it died so can’t judge there either as you’d text mum after they had left as that’s when the ooor thing sadly passed away.

Give over