DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

However desperately your ds need a friend it absolutely can't be him....dc who kill animals without a second thought don't grow into well adjusted adults....

Your DS sounds like a very kind and sensible child, the other boy wouldn't ever be invited to my home again. Sadly, some people don't value animals, the boy's use of fucking thing is very telling, his DM wasn't upset because her DC killed an animal except for it's value in money. You're at a perfect time to cut these two out of your DS's life, I'd go for it Op

A lot of hamsters come to harm this way. It happens a lot that a hand is flicked and they fly across the room, I have heard it from at least 2 people in my time. Also be careful because sometimes rodents go into a delayed shock and look dead but aren't.
The kid sounds a bit deranged tho, I'd just leave that.

@MumblesParty
No, this appears to have been a deliberate act but if you read all of the OP's replies it will give a fuller picture.
OP's son is 11 and he is perfectly entitled to make this decision for himself as it can be damaging to try and override his immediate instinct with is actually to protect himself. I would suspect that this boy has done other things that have made OP's son feel uncomfortable. This boy has not taken his last sweet or damaged his bike - he has killed his pet so why woud you want to override his feelings on this matter. The OP has already cancelled a meet up for the coming week which will give the OP & her child the chance to reflect but I would not be negating my child's feelings on this if in similar position.

I'd be reporting this to the school. Animal cruelty is a huge red flag.
The child may be witnessing or experiencing violence at home.

You’re the one who wouldn’t give a shit if you killed a tiny little animal that bit you. I think you’re the one with the problem. A big one.

This child threw the animal quite deliberately. He didn’t give a fuck that it died. He has not apologised. His mother just offered to buy a new one like it was a broken cup.

For thinking like that, you’re all seriously lacking.

Flinging a hamster across the room shows an alarming lack of empathy. I would leave it to your child to decide. What an upsetting event I’m so sorry

Personally, I would keep my child away from that boy. I had hamsters at 8 yrs old. Yes, they sometimes bit me and no, I didn’t “fling” them when they did. As a pp said, children who do that and cause the death of the animal but show no remorse, very often do not grow into well adjusted adults. Avoid.

After 15 pages of being bashed (and yes I did hide it, to the deliberately incendiary poster earlier) I hold my hands up.

Tw isn't really what I meant. What I meant was I scrolled as you do by accident then wished I hadn't read it and behaved like an idiot.

It was selfish and silky.

@HamsterAccident I'm genuinely sorry.

My reaction to being bitten would be to drop it. Not to fling it!

It's not great behaviour and frankly worrying that he wasn't at all bothered about it. It's not a ball!

I'd be cutting off the friendship because that's not the kind of person I want around my friend.

Look at out of school activities to build some friendships maybe

They will reap what they sow in this life, child and parent

Why are you minimising the fact that the child threw a living creature, resulting in probably a very painful death?!

This. If this title is so triggering maybe it's time to seek help. But I get the feeling that poster is outraged simply for the sake of being outraged.

Firstly, I don't think it's your fault.

He's old enough to know to not hurt animals even if it was a shock.

Personally, I'd be more than happy for my son to cut ties with someone with aggression issues.

Really decent of you to come back and say that.

One of my childhood hamsters bit me n the thumb and held on when I grabbed him from behind to save him from falling off a cabinet. That really hurt! And I've been nipped a fair few times by new hamsters whilst they were getting used to me, both as a child and adult.

If the boy was sitting down and got nipped, the natural reaction is to move your hands away, causing the hamster to drop into your lap. Standing up and throwing the animal is a deliberate action.

Whilst the child may not have realised his actions would lead to the death of the hamster (children not being well known for their consideration of consuquences) he must surely have realised he'd cause harm? And yet didn't apologise.

I'd keep your son away from this child, I don't think he's a good friend to have. And your son needs to know that it's ok to leave friendships if they are not healthy.

You can get a feeling all you like. So keen were you to spiout bile you have missed that I have apologised.

I mean it.

Did he bite and not let go? Hamsters have very sharpe teeth and can really hurt. Could it be a reflex reaction and trying to get it off.

I would keep well away from this child who lacks remorse. Sorry your son is understandably upset. Hugs

Have a lovely 🐣 easter

At first I assumed the kid was 6 but now I see they are 11 I think he should have known better than to chuck a hamster across a room. Yes hamsters do nip but he should have been able to contain himself from throwing it across the room. I think said friend needs to apologise appropriately, maybe a written apology if not face to face and should offer to replace the hamster.

I think your son is right not wanting to be friends with someone who harmed a animal and showed no remorse.

Tbf I dropped my hamster from quite a height at the same age because he bit me and it made me jump.

His reaction is more of a concern to me than the actual incident.

Did someone really request a trigger warning for this?!

Really sorry this happened but I find it very hard that someone would get triggered over this. Bloody hell.

I'd probably not be friends with the kid and discourage further interaction

I would not want that child anywhere near mine ever again. He's a budding sociopath.
I got bitten badly by a friend's ferret at only a year or two older than that, I think I startled her when I went to stroke her. She latched on for ages. I just waited till she let go, as horrifying and painful as it felt, as anything else would have injured her. It was a deep bite and bled profusely. And I'm not a particularly saintly person but I feel sick at the thought of hurting someone's beloved pet.