DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

I think I'd have booted that fucker!!

The vet killed our hamster. It bit him and he involuntarily jumped and shook his hand sending the hamster across the room and stone dead. It was a complete accident with nobody to blame except perhaps the poor hamster.

Don't serial killers start like this? I wouldn't want my child anywhere near this freak. Poor hamster.

OP responded to this query at 16.43. The hamster was not latched on.

She has also mentioned that the nip did not draw blood so the skin wasn't broken.

@AUDHDVET yes, she was a Syrian. Tan and white and normally incredibly easy to handle.

Yes an accident would be if they jumped and dropped the hamster. It can be easy to drop a squirming small animal and my DH is anxious and very jumpy if animal make sudden movements of nip (you would think we own tigers not house cats the way he startles sometimes). So for a 'child' a hamster biting them and them dropping it could be an easy accident... but to hoy it across the room and against a wall, no accident there.

At his age he knows to do that to an animal is very wrong and could harm it. Back your son up with this and I'd personally be keeping mine away from a kid who could act like that over a hamster nip.

“He was angry the hamster had nipped him and not concerned about the hamster tbh. But they are 11.”
There’s your answer. I wouldn’t want that child near my son or in my home. Absolutely vile.

Sounds intentional to me. You sound like you are minimising.

Sorry, posted too soon. The point was the hamster still had its teeth in the vet so when he shook his hand in pain it was thrown accidently. Perhaps that's what happened here.

Poor kid it probably really hurt ! He then had a bad reaction I wouldn’t say he was a sociopath in the making or anything it was a horrible accident. He probably does feel terrible but may have been in a bit of shock at the time

I have worked in a vets and really struggle to believe that.

We are use to getting attacked by all sorts of panicking animals, nips from hamsters are a standard thing... never known of a vet that would react so insanely to a near daily occurrence.

Neither would I. I'm with your son here.

Is his name Jeffrey? We had a girl here who our ddog growled at. In 10 years she has never growled at a dc.. The girl was in a room unsupervised as ddog followed me out. So less than a second. Imo she did something to ddog. She hasn't been invited back. Your poor hamster op.

@wutheringkites hmmmm, so my first reaction was also to cut him and his Mum out of our lives completely. Hence cancelling the plans for next week! Then a little voice in my head said that maybe I’m being ridiculously harsh on a child and saying to DS that we don’t ever need to see them again would mean loosing one of his few friends when actually we should be forgiving.

As a person who kept hamsters and gerbils for many years, and has received many, many bites, I can fully understand how a child bitten by a hamster might fling out his hand and send the hamster flying.

It's an instinctive response, those blighters have an horrendous bite. 'Nipped' does not cover it at all. They are happy to sink their teeth in down to the bone (yours) and they don't let go.

I've seen adults respond similarly. It is outrageous to blame a child of eleven for this. Outrageous and ignorant.

Anyone handling hamsters takes this risk. I did warn my colleague, who thought she knew it all, not to handle my hamster. She was badly bitten, and blamed me.
I hadn't touched the bugger, I knew it's potential!

The little boy, a child of eleven, was hurt and responded instinctively. The hamster died. That's an accident.

@HamsterAccident
You sound like a really lovely person. Please stop beating yourself up over everything x

If the hamster was used to being handled is there any chance he was squeezing too hard - that kind of nip without blood is a warning from an animal to back off

So there is an 11 year old boy, and he gets nipped by a hamster, he is so shocked that he jumps up and flings his arms out and the hamster flies across the room before landing on the floor.

how long did it take the hamster to die ?!!!
as said boy and mother had left before the hamster died.

this child either overreacted very badly or has a nasty temper...

and this is a lesson that pets are not toys,

' but they are 11 '
yes over the minimum age of criminal responsibility !!!

' but they are 11 '

so one day a kitten scratches him accidentally, kitten gets thrown across room and dies from a broken neck...

' but they are 11 '

so one day a puppy licks him a bit too much, and gets thrown across the room and breaks it's neck and dies 3 hours later...

' but they are 11 '

one day boy is holding a baby and it cries, get thrown away from boy...

' but they are 11 '

I would be so fucking furious with that child that he would never ever darken my door again.

A living creature is now dead, dead - not living. Dead. Pets are not toys.

It depends on whether it was an automatic reaction to sudden pain, or a deliberate revenge for it biting him.

I remember when dd1 was about 9 months and had just got her second tooth so she had one top, one bottom and bit me once when breastfeeding. I dropped her, luckily I was on the sofa, so it was less than 6" and onto the soft cushions. It was entirely uncontrolled.
Ds otoh used to bite not infrequently, normally when he wanted to continue feeding, but wanted to look round to see what was happening, but didn't want to lose the food. Because it wasn't a surprise in that way, I used to just stick a finger in and unhook him. It was no less painful though.

This. With knobs on.

I think your first reaction was the right one.

He doesn't need a friend like this. Much better to support him making decent friends slowly than teaching him to ignore violence and his own feelings about people.

I know it's Easter Sunday op but that doesn't mean you should channel your inner Jesus. This kid sounds awful and doesn't deserve forgiving. His dramatics killed your sons pet and he doesn't appear sorry either.

Please don't teach your son that awful friends are better than no friends.

Your son can forgive and still not maintain the friendship.

Forgiveness is about relieving yourself of anger and resentment not absolving other people of responsibility for the things they do, the other person has to apologise to be relieved of any guilt or shame they may experience as a consequence of their actions.

I think your son would be justifiably outraged. This is disgraceful. I would end the friendship immediately.