Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family interfering with our dog - a big argument

169 replies

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:08

Me and DD have a 3 year old dog. He can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes behaviour wise and he is way over the top when out walking with other dogs, lunges at them, tries to jump all over them - so he needs really careful managing when out on a walk for his own safety and to avoid lunging at the wrong dog and being bitten, etc.

I have health conditions so sometimes I struggle to walk him, so I pay for a regular dog walker instead. I can’t walk him and DD together because DD has additional needs and runs off and because the dog doesn’t walk nicely at the moment either.

In normal conversation with another family member I mentioned that the dog was playing up a bit and I was going to ask the dog walker to take him a few extra times during the next 2 weeks whilst the kids are off on holidays, to get him out and about and wear his energy off.

Next thing I know, they had planned with another family member and told me they was taking the dog out. Now in their minds they are probably being helpful but it really annoyed me because they keep interfering and the fact that they told me what they was doing with the dog and not asking, not to mention that they know how the dog behaves on walks and chose the worst place possible to take him.

I snapped at them and said no you don’t ring and tell me what you’re doing with my dog - you ring and ask if you want to take him somewhere and I’m sick of them acting like they have a right or claim to the dog to make decisions for him. It’s not the only time they collude and interfere with the dog (for example they will sneak him treats or extra food when I’ve said no just because they think he needs more - completely ignoring the fact that his food is measured out for him correctly based on his weight and nutritional needs), DD or the house in general (they will just come and in start doing DIY without even running it past me) and I’m just fucking fed up with it now.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TraitorsGate · 31/03/2024 12:10

Yes you are bu.

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:11

TraitorsGate · 31/03/2024 12:10

Yes you are bu.

And why is that then?

OP posts:
Binglebong · 31/03/2024 12:14

Not in the least. Training needs to be consistent so if you and they are doing different things it will just confuse him.

Far more than that though is they are not seeing you as an independent adult. If they have keys, take it off them. No one should be coming into your house and doing things without your say so.

Good luck.

Edited for typo.

shockthemonkey · 31/03/2024 12:15

Your dog needs training and people are trying to help. Why don’t you try engaging with your friends? Draw up a plan for getting your dog under control… involve the dogwalker if he/she is also a trainer…

shockthemonkey · 31/03/2024 12:16

PS you absolutely should lose your shit if people are sneaking your dog treats without your permission

pikkumyy77 · 31/03/2024 12:17

Why have you reared your three year old dog to be so excitable and badly trained? What strange need to be needed impelled you to have a pet that you can’t handle? You are overloaded and can’t walk your child and pet?

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:17

@shockthemonkey the dog’s behaviour is an ongoing chronic thing that is being sorted but is ongoing but takes time. My family don’t believe that he should be trained as it’s cruel and he should be allowed to do whatever he wants.

OP posts:
SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:19

pikkumyy77 · 31/03/2024 12:17

Why have you reared your three year old dog to be so excitable and badly trained? What strange need to be needed impelled you to have a pet that you can’t handle? You are overloaded and can’t walk your child and pet?

Why don’t you take your judgemental self off this thread and do yourself a favour? My 3 year old dog came from an awful home before me, so it’s going to take ongoing work probably for a very long time to fix what’s happened to him, he is OTT with the other dogs but also incredibly anxious in other settings. No I can’t walk my child and dog together - what’s the issue with that? He gets walked when she is at school and has a very good paid dog walker for the times I can’t.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 31/03/2024 12:19

Because you’re not physically able, you’ve said, to give him the exercise he needs, as well as managing your child, who is unlikely to walk quietly by your side.

So you have a dog you can’t reliably control, as well as a child, who is unpredictable. Your family has offered to help with the dog and with household tasks. I imagine that comes from concern about you and your child.

If you can’t reliably manage the dog, either accept help or rehome it.

HelloMiss · 31/03/2024 12:22

I also think you've taken on too much

People sound like they are trying to help

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:22

Bluevelvetsofa · 31/03/2024 12:19

Because you’re not physically able, you’ve said, to give him the exercise he needs, as well as managing your child, who is unlikely to walk quietly by your side.

So you have a dog you can’t reliably control, as well as a child, who is unpredictable. Your family has offered to help with the dog and with household tasks. I imagine that comes from concern about you and your child.

If you can’t reliably manage the dog, either accept help or rehome it.

My chronic condition is unpredictable meaning that half the time I can do it and half the time I can’t - when I can’t the dog walker takes him for 3 hours a day, when I can he gets walked for 2. How is that not enough exercise sorry?

The dog walker has been on a very rare holiday for a few days over the Easter holidays which has caused this blip. I do accept help from people who actually want to continue his training and not throw it all out of the window and do the opposite of what has been advised.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/03/2024 12:23

Seems lije you're not coping so you're family are stepping in. Yabu.

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:23

RedHelenB · 31/03/2024 12:23

Seems lije you're not coping so you're family are stepping in. Yabu.

How am I not coping sorry? We have been coping fine but thanks for your concern.

OP posts:
Sconeswithnutella · 31/03/2024 12:25

Kindly, I think you’re being a bit precious. Imagine if you’d told your family that you were struggling to keep on top of the housework and they arranged to come and help you; wouldn’t you be grateful? I think it’s the same.
I totally understand about giving him treats, that’s shit and you need to tell them that can’t continue but if you’re struggling I would take the help.

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:25

RedHelenB · 31/03/2024 12:23

Seems lije you're not coping so you're family are stepping in. Yabu.

He behaves fine in the house, he is a nightmare on a walk which is having ongoing work and training. He gets a good amount of exercise, and I am fine to walk him majority of the time. The issue has come from DD being at home and my dog Walker being on holiday at the same time. I don’t mind people helping but you’re not dictating to me when my dog is going out and where - it’s called asking.

OP posts:
MrsDoubtfire24 · 31/03/2024 12:26

Your family sound awful doing your diy and walking your dog. I’d go no contact immediately.

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:27

Sconeswithnutella · 31/03/2024 12:25

Kindly, I think you’re being a bit precious. Imagine if you’d told your family that you were struggling to keep on top of the housework and they arranged to come and help you; wouldn’t you be grateful? I think it’s the same.
I totally understand about giving him treats, that’s shit and you need to tell them that can’t continue but if you’re struggling I would take the help.

The issue I have is that he needs training on his walks, they are not willing to do this with him. What if he goes for the wrong dog and gets bitten? I’m not just putting him in anyone’s hands for a walk when he has behavioural issues outside of the home.

OP posts:
SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:27

MrsDoubtfire24 · 31/03/2024 12:26

Your family sound awful doing your diy and walking your dog. I’d go no contact immediately.

So you would like someone coming into your home doing whatever they wanted without asking you? I’ll send them round to yours then.

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 31/03/2024 12:28

What breed is your dog? A 2 hour walk for my westie would tire her out for a week. My brother's beagle wouldn't even notice that he'd been walked.

HelloMiss · 31/03/2024 12:28

You sound like hard work!

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:29

HelloMiss · 31/03/2024 12:28

You sound like hard work!

I don’t really care what you think - if I’m hard work because I’m sick of people interfering in my life - then so be it.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 31/03/2024 12:29

You're not being precious, its a live animal. Carry on with your training routine, and if your family want to help they can do your shopping or clean your bathroom.

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:29

MrTiddlesTheCat · 31/03/2024 12:28

What breed is your dog? A 2 hour walk for my westie would tire her out for a week. My brother's beagle wouldn't even notice that he'd been walked.

He is a poodle breed - so it does wear him out and he probably doesn’t need as much but when I’m well I’m really into my fitness/getting steps in etc so it’s usually for my benefit too the longer walks

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 31/03/2024 12:30

SENMUM95 · 31/03/2024 12:29

I don’t really care what you think - if I’m hard work because I’m sick of people interfering in my life - then so be it.

OP if you don’t care what anybody thinks and aren’t interested in any opinions that don’t just completely agree with you, why on earth have you posted onto a forum, under AIBU, asking for opinions 🤣🤣🤣

Babymamamama · 31/03/2024 12:30

Would love to know your relatives’ side of this story.