Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Yeah. Earlier in the thread it was telling us we didn't care about children being assaulted (despite some of us having the views we have because we were assaulted as girls). Now it's telling us we don't care about disability rights (despite some of us being, you guessed it, disabled).

I’ve since invested in voluminous waterproof changing robes which help a lot with changing emergencies- continuance issues aren’t solved by that though, so it isn’t as simple as ‘put it on and change at home/in the car’ etc.

It’s not an ‘every time we go out’ problem, but it is a thing we have to deal with in so many different scenarios.

So an 8 yr old can fight off a male attacker then?
What the actual fuck?

As a disabled woman, thanks to MaterialGirlAllDay for so patiently defending women against such stupidity from a few posters. I wouldn't have had the energy.

Bringing an 8+ boy into a female changing room with others is never a reasonable option.

I used to just take my young son straight home, unchanged in dressing gown, saved all the bother.
Same as my son used to have a wee in bushes, save the 'horror"of taking them into female toilets.
I'm sure mum's of daughters would do same if show was on other foot.

Where has anyone said they can?

You could have asked that the men's be closed to allow your DW to care for your son in the male space.

This shows you don’t understand the complexities.

If my DW takes my son in the men’s, what do I do without my carer?

Then afterwards, what do we do with DS while we go in the ladies to change me?

Im not refusing reasonable adjustments- if the manager says ‘we have emptied the mens’, we would all go in there no problem.

Im not going to get into an argument with the manager about going and changing the arrangements they have made (clearing the women’s) in case some women are annoyed anymore than I would get into an argument with them to change it if they have cleared the men’s.

I just want to get changed somewhere I’m not leered at, and no one thinks ds is leering at them.

Im going to accept the adjustment that is offered to me- especially since the women apparently wouldn’t be annoyed about the ladies being closed if I had a male carer.

If my DW takes my son in the men’s, what do I do without my carer?

The men's is closed off so you can change there too as can your carer.

Im not going to get into an argument with the manager about going and changing the arrangements they have made (clearing the women’s) in case some women are annoyed anymore than I would get into an argument with them to change it if they have cleared the men’s.

Nobody is saying you need to argue. At the point where you in form the manager your son needs an accessible space but it's ooo you can request that the male space be made available.

Im going to accept the adjustment that is offered to me- especially since the women apparently wouldn’t be annoyed about the ladies being closed if I had a male carer.

This goes back to the female space always being the default and that's wrong. The person who needs support is male therefore the male space needs to be adjusted not the female space. I don't see why that's difficult to understand?

I appreciate the thank you.

Despite some peoples belief I am not anti disability or anti male for that matter. I am anti women & girls must always be the ones to adjust by default and males are seemingly not required to even if it is a male person that needs the adjustment.

If you need him as your carer you can but if it's for him to use the facilities you can't just the same as if you were not disabled.
To be fair at 10 he's far more at risk at school nowadays.

So if you're with a man and your son how would you feel being changed in the mens changing room? Still a woman being changed Infront of males only your disabled and the women in the changing room you take your son to aren't in general.
Personally I don't think either is acceptable but if your arguing it's okay for other women then it surely should be okay turned around?

@MaterialGirlAllDay indeed thank you for your patience on this thread. Female only spaces are so important.
We don't have to just consider ourselves in this but also what giving up our boundaries do to the most vulnerable women and girls in society. (What really feminist values are about)

Consent is never transferable.

I don’t see why you can’t understand that I can say- can you close the mens for us? And they can decide what to close! It isn’t my fault or responsibility if they instead close the women’s.

They do what suits them- and that is to close the one that it is least busy.

If staff close the male changing room for us we will absolutely use that one.

I don’t mind which room I use if it’s empty.

I wouldn’t go and be changed myself in the mens if men are in it

just like I have never and would never take my son to be changed in the women’s space when women are in it.

I had a similarish situation where i went to a ladies only swimming and there was a boy of 10/11 there and i eventually had to go home because his mum wouldn't accept her boy isnt little anymore. For context i am a hijabi muslim. I am really sick of these people not showing compassion as to why there are separate gender situations!

That’s shocking, you should have escalated it to management, some people are so entitled.

She had actually taken him swimming at the ladies only time?!

If you had your swimming costume on under your clothes why were you upset? IMO 11 is a child and I don’t see the issue. I’d ensure myself and my child weren’t getting fully naked, using a towel so there weren’t any problems.

@StarbucksQueen1 are you joking? This isn't about level of nudity and consent is not transferable.
Your DS after a certain age does not belong in female spaces!

What don't you get about privacy and dignity that your DS should override those boundaries?

Exactly @dinomirror along with women and girls of certain religions, vulnerable women, women and girls who are survivors of SA or DV.
Any female or female child.

We don't want males in our spaces over a certain age.

I just don’t agree with you! It’s my opinion. I’d personally rather keep my child with me and ensure they’re behaving appropriately whatever their gender.

I'm sure you would. But the whole world isn't about you and other people have rights - including female-only spaces without your son now that he's older than 8.

It's not about what you'd rather do though, most places have an age limit on boys being allowed in female changing - the 11 year old boy in the situation @Snowypony described had no right to be there.

But if your son is over age they are being inappropriate by entering the female space.

The only appropriate behaviour is not taking boys into female changing rooms when they are over the age specified by the venue.