Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

@namechangeFeb24 yes it is a risk and that risk should be eliminated by appropriate family/ disabled changing facilities.

Do you think a 9/10/11 year old girl should get changed in front of her male classmates in any circumstances? (Same vice versa of course- boys of that age shouldn't be made to get changed in front of girls too). We agree there's a problem but the solution many use is not appropriate.

@NerrSnerr what is the solution though? In full agreement that neither sex should have to feel uncomfortable about changing in front of others. But the solution isn’t to risk the safety of the child, and it’s not always realistic to choose alternative gyms/swimming pools.

For starters I think the age should be revised. 8 is tiny. I think a PP described it as pre-pubescent, but I don’t know a single 8 year old boy who could be described that way.

@namechangeFeb24 I have a 9 year old girl and two of her female friends were showing signs of puberty age 8. That's not 'tiny' and I can 100% tell you that they don't want to be getting changed in front of boys from their class.

It is not just about the boys.

The solution is, the gym provides a space for boys to get changed (and girls who are taken swimming by their dads) and if this can't be provided then you can't swim there.

My 9 year old wouldn't want to go into the men's with her dad and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved to make her so if there was a swimming pool they went to that didn't have appropriate changing facilities they can't go.

So the solution is that children over the age of 8 with an opposite sex parent are excluded from physical activity?

Well, what if the parents complain? That's the solution offered to women.

Gyms and their pools should be reserved for adults. It really annoys me when it's school holidays and I can't do my lengths because of children mucking about in the pool. I also have felt uncomfortable about getting changed with boys present. FFS take them to the public swimming baths!

That seems to be the idea. Particularly discriminatory towards single parents and disabled people.

What I find depressing is the spiteful, derogatory comments about boys and about disabled mothers.

The number of people insisting young boys should be forced to change in front if adult men is disturbing.

Obviously, safe changing rooms with cubicles should be provided!

It's even worse to insist boys have any right to be in female spaces, as some posters have done.

The hotel spas I've used have 1 common set of changing rooms .....I guess I'm not as rich as you and your saying I'm too cheap to deserve privacy

I don't think that's been happening. There have been posts saying it's not ideal, but better than putting children at risk alone in the men's changing rooms.

Even had they said what you suggest, I don't think that's worse than insisting on children being sent alone to undress in front of male strangers, as the potential dangers are terrifying.

Again, nobody is insisting boys be sent alone to change, folk have simply presented it as a potential option alongside other options.
People have definitely suggested taking males into female only spaces, that definitely isn't an option (no matter how many times the very vocal folk try to justify it).

There have been rather a lot of posts insisting that boys of 8 and over should go alone into the men's. And some spiteful comments about boys and their mothers

What I don't understand is why the logical conclusion to this approach — that dads must accompany their daughters into the women's changing rooms — is preferable!

Personally, I think family rooms with cubicles make much more sense.

The pool my 12 year old son does his lessons at have a male and female changing area that also have toilets and showers
Then there is an area that's mixed sex this area has cubicles.. seems to be the most fair way imo

Of course family cubicles make more sense but the original discussion centred around a facility which didn't have those and how one mother thought it was ok to bring her (well above the allowed age) son into a female only space.
Regardless of ANY other factors females cannot just decide to break rules and bring males into female only spaces.

Families with primary aged children should stick to the large municipal swimming pools with family changing rooms / cubicles / provision for every need etc. Nice smaller gyms with pools diversifying with kids swimming lessons just doesn’t really work. Pretty annoying for the child free adult members trying to exercise with parents and children crashing about and gawking boys in the women’s changing room.

It works for the venue or they wouldn’t do it. They are only interested in their revenue, not your feelings.

End of the day male children over the age the venue allows have no right to access the female space.
It doesn't matter if they are disabled or facing the wall or have their eyes closed.
If that venue doesn't cater for the needs of your male child then don't use it.
Putting your over age male child in the female space is not and should not be an option.

@Mrbumpssmile

There was a story the other day about a class photo at a primary school.

Parents had been provided with two links to choose from via email, one had the full class, the other had the disabled children removed….

Much the same thing really, if it is inconvenient or uncomfortable to include them, people want them removed.

@jannier

No.

What I’m saying is when I pay £100-140 for a massage in a private adult only spa I expect to have private single sex adult only space.

When I pay £60-£80 for a massage in a hotel or leisure centre it’s a given that one of the compromises for this will be that the changing rooms are shared with pool and this with children of both sexes and their mothers.

In one situation I have spa music playing and it’s warm and peaceful. In the other it’s wet, cold, there are screaming children running past soaking me.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

I don’t know how I can get this through to you.

Allowing my son who is developmentally delayed and totally dependent on me and entirely incapable of changing himself into a female changing room so that I can support him would likely be classed as a reasonable adaptation.

And if I brought it to court I would likely win on this basis because I have about ten inches of paperwork stating all of his issues and he is no threat to anyone.

The rule at one of our pools is age 7 and the other one is age 8.

11 year old is 100% unacceptable.

No you wouldn't.
There is no law that supports that.
You would have to prove why those reasonable adjustments could only be made in the female space and not the male space.
Why not ask the manager to clear out the male changing room so you can support your son to change?

If that venue cannot meet the needs of your son then you need to leave it. The fact you believe having a disabled son allows you to ignore women & girls boundaries shows a huge level of entitlement.
The venue is at fault but you are making it women & girls problem to deal with.

I cannot believe how many people here are defending boys rights over womens and girls right to a safe space and boundaries. I help my 9 year old DD get changed before and after swimming and she feels massively uncomfortable about an older boy there who has no developmental issues!!

I am sorry but you have to use family cubicles then. The other girls and women don’t know he is no threat and don’t want an adolescent boy watching them.