Husband won’t allow hearing to go above 16.

[C6H12O6]

Live up north in an old stone house with single glazed windows upstairs. Central heating powered by oil, 2 open fires. That’s what heats the house. The last week or so I’ve come down in the morning and the temperature has been 13 degrees. If I put the heating on (which is capped at 16) I’ll notice that half an hour later he’s turned it off. When questioned he cites we are low on oil.

For info I buy the logs and the oil (around £350 a month for oil and £100 a month for logs). I also pay the electric and water and food shopping plus my own diesel for the car. I tend to buy all things for our child. He pays rent, council tax, insurance, car services (and repairs). He earns twice what I do.

I’m full of cold at the moment with an awful cough and so went to put the heating on (currently 14 degrees) and he’s switched it off again. I’m fuming.

AIBU?

Old stone house 1804 part of an old farm. We dry lined every room did all the floors double glazed every window and door. It was cool in the summer. A bugger in the winter

We got through between four and five thousand litres a year. The godsend was a log burner in the living room off the kitchen. That warmed two rooms all day. You can get a log burner that also heats the water as the old fires used to do .

You lose your shit at your OH and TELL him that as you’re paying for the logs and the oil you will put the fucking heating on when you’re cold and if he dares to switch it off again you’ll be investing in a new patio.

You’re not a child, he has no right to make you suffer in your own home

WOMAN UP love!

Your saying he's not controlling in other ways - so fair enough. He's probably just worried because the heating bill is insane. In our old uninsulated 1930's house (was small though) it was about 900 pounds a year to be toasty.

You can buy insulation tape to stick around the windows and doors - it might make a difference to you if there is a breeze coming in. If there are any obvious drafts coming in from around pipes and stuff there is a type of expanding foam you can use. So a couple of things that might help even if you are renting.

What OP is saying makes no sense.
The prices paid for oil & logs are nuts.
Burning thru that much oil would make sense if the windows are open in winter for long periods (presumably not true) or there is zero insulation (getting some insulation would pay for itself in 2 months) or the indoor temp was high (OP says not true).

I'll set aside horse ownership, "he spends" "she spends" "he earns" "she earns" (WTF you're married, all income is joint and all expenditure is joint), private schooling, thermostat disagreements, renting not buying, renting from incompetent family landlords & room temperature issues (and insulation too, I suppose)

OP says she's lived there 18 years & they are rural people

But she doesn't know to fill the tank in July-August to get the cheapest price.
Doesn't even know the size of tank
Doesn't know how to get cheaper fire wood (there are lots & lots of ways)

Our oil bill is about £800/year and we overwhelmingly have free wood to burn.

My apologies. I did read the full thread but somehow missed that. I won’t trouble you any further.

Maybe you could ask the landlord to install secondary glazing? Plus thermal lined curtains. What about loft insulation? Our house is relatively modern and therefore well insulated. Our stat is set to 20c. I'm thinking that all the oil you are burning is just heating the countryside.

Asking the landlord to do these jobs depends on how much rent they are paying?

Move house. That's madness.

Good luck with that👍🏿. You will just have to put up with being cold then👍🏿

For info I buy the logs and the oil (around £350 a month for oil and £100 a month for logs). I also pay the electric and water and food shopping plus my own diesel for the car. I tend to buy all things for our child. He pays rent, council tax, insurance, car services (and repairs). He earns twice what I do.

I’m full of cold at the moment with an awful cough and so went to put the heating on (currently 14 degrees) and he’s switched it off again. I’m fuming.

That's the information she gave at first! Which I saw!. She should have added that but didn't till later!

Wow. That's a lot for heating.

He's controlling if he comes after you and turns off the heat without discussion.

How much does he earn monthly?

As a proportion of his monthly income, how much does he contribute to the monthly expenses? Check the percentage.

What percentage of your monthly income do you contribute to monthly expenses?

Agree with @lljkk

There must be fallen trees you could get access to, out in the country. All you need after that is a chainsaw and an axe. And you definitely should buy your oil in the summer.

I couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t allow the heating above 16 and turned it off after half an hour! Your house must be freezing and so must your child.

£350 a month is crazy for oil. We spend like £1000 a year for a four bed house and I like whacking it up to 22 whenever my husband isn't looking, I work from home a lot.
A you need to buy some oil so you don't get pneumonia
B you need some insulation. We did a lot of work on the insulation a couple of years ago and it made a huge difference

I have lived in a freezing house for the last 10+ years.
Last October I told dh that this would be our last winter in this house as I wasn't doing it anymore. For reference my friends modern house was 16 degrees inside (without heating!), on the same day my house was 6 degrees inside.
I put the house up for sale and we will hopefully be moving this summer.
Being cold is awful, I have been so cold that my bones ache, I couldn't sleep at night because I would wake up freezing and if my dh had been randomly turning the heating off he would have been 6 feet under by now!

How can you say he's not controlling in one breath & in the next say he won't allow the heating on, restricts it to 16 etc etc

the heating YOU pay for.
the house HE dictates you live in

you're the frog, he's in control of the pot.

Not the point of the post but I'm gobsmacked that someone sends their kid to private school and have horses at the expense of a warm home and holidays, madness in my opinion.

I honestly don't think you can afford horses if you can't keep your house at a decent temperature (although as I've said, I don't understand how cooking oil is solid, as it solidifies at -18)

That's a crazy amount! Unless it's a mansion I suppose. Honestly? Move

Pallets: every industrial estate is heaving with unwanted pallets. Look for ones marked HT or KD/KT: Good physical (warming) work to pull apart, chop up & put in wood burner.

Most small towns have an industrial estate. Dont' need to be a country dweller at all to get free firewood.

What is your roof / loft insulation depth, OP?

You’ll end up with health problems if you don’t live in a suitably heated house.

Horses and private school but no money to heat a house?! Give your head a wobble. Prioritise your children and not your status.

Well that’s theft isn’t it, unless you own the timber? Do you advocate people helping themselves to other people’s garden furniture and heating oil when they’re hard up as well?

OP, you need to get an OFTEC technician out to review your heating system, 500l is insane, we use significantly less than that and are heating an old farmhouse on three floors with 6 bedrooms at 21degs from sept to April.

Remind him he's an arsehole and put your heating on. Change the setting to 19° so everyone's more comfortable.