Husband won’t allow hearing to go above 16.

[C6H12O6]

Live up north in an old stone house with single glazed windows upstairs. Central heating powered by oil, 2 open fires. That’s what heats the house. The last week or so I’ve come down in the morning and the temperature has been 13 degrees. If I put the heating on (which is capped at 16) I’ll notice that half an hour later he’s turned it off. When questioned he cites we are low on oil.

For info I buy the logs and the oil (around £350 a month for oil and £100 a month for logs). I also pay the electric and water and food shopping plus my own diesel for the car. I tend to buy all things for our child. He pays rent, council tax, insurance, car services (and repairs). He earns twice what I do.

I’m full of cold at the moment with an awful cough and so went to put the heating on (currently 14 degrees) and he’s switched it off again. I’m fuming.

AIBU?

Sounds so miserable OP. But it really is ridiculous to have a heating bill of hundreds PER MONTH like that. I'd die of fright getting a bill like that and then other utilities on top! Something is not right there, as you know, and others have said.

It might be more economical to change the heating system altogether to all electric maybe if you don't have piped gas? Would the bills (including your cooking) be less than what you are paying now? I'd guess so.

Unacceptable
Heat on and invest in heavy thermal curtains.

Don't ask, tell.

Also it makes no sense getting 500l in winter when oil is much more expensive! It can be half price sometimes if you can fill tank in may or june. ( depending on oil prices). We top up for winter and then go though to summer when it's cheaper to buy and properly fill tank. So we can get a bit stingy with temp if we have a cold spell end of spring cause we are trying to eak it out. And weekly checking oil levels!
Are you actually running out ever month or just topping up? Cause topping up ever month is really not very cost effective. Mind set should be buy oil use it up ( as much as can without running out) and then buy when it's cheap ( check graph on boilerjuice). You want to be using what's in the tank. ( like a car) you don't fill everytime it gets to half full?

I think you’ve made some choices, as in 2 horses and private schooling. In my Virgo head I would be thinking, get rid of one horse or both and crank up the heating...

We have one room that's always been cold so I bought a pair of thermal curtain liners in Dunelm, they were about £35 for a 6' window. They were a pig to hang, took me a whole sfternoon but they made a huge difference, the room never feels cold now. Half a day and £35 well spent

Also you need to have a straight conversation and tell him you contribute to the household and you’ll put the heating on when you need to. End of.

Is there an option to move into the stable??

[Joke. Sort of.]

As others have said, that’s an insane amount of oil. I use about 1000 litres a year to heat my 3 bed house to a comfortable temperature.

But the main issue is who made your husband the boss? Isn’t marriage meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.

It does seem odd the amount used in such a short time.
I'm assuming you get a print out receipt of how many litres you receive.

I've just looked at my last oil receipt, 500lts for £355.92, ordered week before last.
Five bedroom house, used to heat underfloor heating/all radiators, hot water on for 2 hrs AM/6 hrs PM and it last around 5 months.

DH is the opposite of yours and has the heating set at 21°

He's controlling how you live your life, yet he's not controlling?!

Buy ug in oil filled radiators for each room you use. Good ones cost about 200 each. They heat the rooms up well and are not expensive to run. Tell him to jog on as well. I hate being cold. I live with a miser and told him straight that I would not live in a cold house.

Thanks for all your messages.

so I’ve been out to check the tank (it’s an ancient one) and no smell or leaks (it’s in a locked shed). No guage but there is a tube with a level of oil. Husband says the tank holds 1100 (I think he’s guessing) so it looks around a third full (which he says won’t last us till the end of April?!). I’ve told him I’m fed up with it and he needs to have it looked at or at least broach it with landlord/family member as I’m not doing another winter like this. Told him it’s either sorted or we are moving.

Trouble is the rental market is dire. And he will only live rurally (which I love but also like some mod cons), so doubt anything will come up that fits the bill. We have no neighbours and a lovely big garden….its just bloody freezing.

So oil will be delivered by next Friday and I will take weekly photos of the oil level and see what it’s doing.

@C6H12O6 we got through 5000 litres a year of oil. Heating on in the winter seven hours a day. Plus a log burner. Our hob ran on calor gas, oven electric. I don't think your tank is leaking

Oil bill 3k a year
Electric 1.5k a year
Calor gas 4 bottles a year.
This was in 2015.

Why do you rent and then spend money on horses and school fees?

Because we’ve never been able to save enough for a deposit.

Horses has been both of our lives, it’s hard to explain if you’re not horsey, it’s more a way of life than anything else.

We’ve been together for 18 years, never had a foreign holiday, we drive 2 very old cars. We ran our own business for 12 years which we had to liquidate 2 years ago and was very traumatic and we are still reeling from the financial position that put us in. But in short, we only want to buy somewhere in the country with a bit of space for the horses and we haven’t the deposit or the salaries (yet) for that to happen. We’ve just been stuck in a renting cycle.

We’d never manage in a 2 up 2 down terrace house as we’d never stand having neighbours, we are county folk who work hard but the sacrifice for the lifestyle has been that we haven’t been able to afford to buy what we want.

School fees - we work hard to send our child private. I’m not debating this part of our lifestyle. We both agree on this.

You need to move. Ideally without him. Sounds absolutely awful. You've save thousands in a new place even if the rent was more expensive.

Here's the information she gave

Our rent is £1200 a month, council tax around £350 and insurance is around £600 (contents, cars, dog, horses (we have 2 - he pays for his and I pay for mine in terms of livery /feed / shoes) and he pays any vet bills. He also pays for our son’s school fees. So he is paying a lot.

So most of the bills are not her responsibility. But the energy ones are

350 a month for oil!! Wow, that's steep, Op - especially if it's on so low and DH keeps turning it off!

Is your place massive? Ours is big (5 beds) and very old so no wall insulation etc and we don't get through half that much a month.

Do you shop around for oil prices?

We go through 1000 litres every six weeks, although we have a 2500 litre tank so I get 1000 litres every time. The cost is eye watering, but that's one of the penalties for living in the country. On the tank gauge, there should be a pin at the bottom of the see through tube that you need to pull out to get an accurate reading. Attached a pic so you can see. Also, your husband is not being very kind. If you pay for the oil, you should at least be able to benefit. It is recommended that living rooms are 19-22°C.

I’m astounded the property owner isn’t throwing a fit. Keeping the heating that low damages the structure of the house.

If it’s an older property in the countryside with no neighbours, are there not any chimneys? If there are (and as you probably know, you would need to get them checked / swept before using them), can you not have an open fire or get a log burner or at least source the cost of doing so? The house is probably designed to be heated / dried out with open flames. As experienced country dwellers, you also probably know you can’t just chuck random logs on the fire (they need to be dried out for a year first for anyone thinking of doing this for the first time) but surely heating one room at least with a fire (and possibly the room above via the chimney breast) is better than nothing?

How are you going through 500 litres of oil a month. I have a 500litre tank and I use 2/3 tanks a year. It does the heating and hot water. What one earth are you doing?

This

Yeah, so if you’d read the thread you’d see we have 2 open fires that I pay £100 a month for logs for…. But thanks for your input!

One of the reasons for my post! Seems divided in that some think this is a lot and others agree it’s about the normal!

To be fair, I'm in a 3 bed 1970s with oil and I wfh and need the house warm for my disabilities and I use 1100-1200 litres a year