Husband won’t allow hearing to go above 16.

[C6H12O6]

Live up north in an old stone house with single glazed windows upstairs. Central heating powered by oil, 2 open fires. That’s what heats the house. The last week or so I’ve come down in the morning and the temperature has been 13 degrees. If I put the heating on (which is capped at 16) I’ll notice that half an hour later he’s turned it off. When questioned he cites we are low on oil.

For info I buy the logs and the oil (around £350 a month for oil and £100 a month for logs). I also pay the electric and water and food shopping plus my own diesel for the car. I tend to buy all things for our child. He pays rent, council tax, insurance, car services (and repairs). He earns twice what I do.

I’m full of cold at the moment with an awful cough and so went to put the heating on (currently 14 degrees) and he’s switched it off again. I’m fuming.

AIBU?

Why are people offering suggestions like, can you get an electric heater, or a heated blanket? That's just pandering to an abuser imo.

I agree with this. It's not a case of how to keep warm, you know how to keep warm - you put the heating on. The issue is his controlling behaviour. He isn't the boss, put the heating on and look to move house.?

surely the house can’t have an efficiency rating of e or above which I’m sure is now a legal requirement for rentals?

I would move. Your bills are crazy high you’d save so much money moving somewhere else!

my friend lives in a 5 bedroom Victorian single glazed house and only spends £200 on gas/electric heating.

Honestly I would ask him to leave 😂😂 I know that sounds dramatic but no way could I live like that.

500 litres a month? That's insane. We're on oil and use approx 1500 a year. Your heating must be going straight out of the window.

DP was banging on about how much we'd spent on gas and electricity yesterday - I'd had the heating on, the oven on, washing machine and tumble dryer - and I told him he sounded like my dad and it was very unattractive. We can afford it so could he stop? OP your husband sounds abusive with you paying for everything but him limiting it like that.

Do you live in Wuthering Heights!?
Tell him you're not prepared to live in a house which (by his own admission) is too expensive to heat properly.

And mean it. Sit him down and tell him you're not staying and you'd like him to come too because you love him but you wont go on like this because it's bloody silly, totally unnecessary and you're unhappy.

I wouldn't want to be spanking £350 a month and a hundred quid on logs every month no matter how wild and beautiful the house! It's ridiculous!

YADNBU BUT how do you use that much oil a month? Our oil heats water and heating too, no fires and 500L would last us at least 3 months. Plus we have the house a lot warmer than that. 4 bed house but admittedly double glazed. Could your oil tank be leaking or something?!

To spend that much for a house that still isn’t comfortable is awful. I feel for you. Please have a serious conversation with him about it, with the options:

• Request the landlord to make improvements
• Move to a warmer house

I would give him a choice.

Either he gets to carry on living in this draughty old house and accepts that the heating will be set at a level that keeps you all warm, even if it costs a lot of money.

Or he agrees to move to a more suitable house.

Or he can do whatever the fuck he likes as a single man because you will have moved somewhere more habitable without him.

Why are you allowing him to make all the decisions? He should be paying two thirds of your family bills if his salary is twice yours. Is he even paying half?

I honestly don’t know why we use so much oil? He just says it’s low all the time - I don’t know how to check the tank (it’s super old and need to climb up a ladder) but I should probably learn… I’m no meek and feeble woman but I guess having lived here for years and years just got used to it.

The house belongs to one of his family members, and apparently is exempt from the efficiency rating scheme…? We do rent through an agency though.

It’s not huge, 3 bed, 2 bath, with 3 living areas downstairs, but it’s very old and some parts of the house are listed and can’t be touched - the kitchen for instance is always freezing no matter the time of year. Cooking oil is regularly solid.

I’ve just looked back through my transactions. 25th Jan £373, 25th Feb £348 and today £334. All 500 litres.

Part of me is with you, but 500 litres a month on oil is really excessive. I’m surprised it is so high.

Actually I googled op, 500 litres of oil is only 67 hours of house heating. Wow.

Do you pay the company or your husband? Just wondering.

How big is your house? I'm in a small 3 bed with bad double glassed windows although insulates walls, and we have heating set to come on at 14 , with fire in living room we can get temp to 19 in one room. Both of us are used to cold houses so 17 is just right for us. I have portable radiators in bed room to take chill off on colder nights for baby. We use 500L oil a winter. Do you have an oil leak? And can you get an emersion heater fitted on tank. How old is boiler new ones are double more efficient. I know you did you are renting but your landlord might be able to access grants and stuff to improve heating?

Even in a very cold stone house you seem to be using alot of oil?

I buy it straight from Boilerjuice.

Bloody hell I'd be moving elsewhere and he can come or not.

Boiler is only 3 years old and was serviced last week, so think that is all fine. Wouldn’t I be able to smell an oil leak? There’s no evidence around the tank of a leak.

Your oil will cost a lot of you are buying it monthly. Sounds like it needs a bigger tank and pool together with neighbours to get it cheaper.

We did do that last October - joined in with the village - but we can only afford 500l at a time, and we ended up having to go to the depot the week before Xmas to buy 10 cans of the stuff to put in ourselves as would t have lasted over Xmas.

Of course YANBU to want to live at a more civilised temperature, especially if you're not well.
Maybe you should get some medical advice on appropriate temperatures especially if the cough persists.

Meanwhile, I'd probably have bought a fan heater or similar to warm up the bit where I was at the time quickly , without heating the whole house and walls etc.

I can sympathise a bit as I hate it when its too hot but dh is only happy when we have the heating cranked up to 21, i'm probably a bit like your husband and turn down the thermostat when I think I can get away with it. I just have to go outside for air often most of the time. However I really think your boiler has an issue and needs to be reported to your landlord. large detached house with 5 people, running heating consistantly at 21 degrees and 5 people(teenagers take annoyingly long)showering a day. Oil for the last 4 months has cost £320 total not monthly for roughly 500l used . I would be gobsmacked at paying more than that a month unless you're in a huge mansion!

To measure the oil if you don't have a gauge ( we dont) get a cheap thermal imaging camera. On a cold night after a sunny day ( when oil in take has warmed a bit) you can see the level quite clearly.

Also minum amount on boilerjuice is 500. I have found that some times they have billed me for 500 even if they only but 300 in? Are they automatically coming every month of do you call them when oil is at a set point? Last time in found it cheaper to go to Geoff directly for oil instead of through boiler juice.

Are you cooking on oil? That might be the difference?

Move.

We have a cold house. As pp above, min temp for health is 18c. Below that moulds thrive.

I keep a thermostat in the living room & monitor it. Also updated the heating controls to thermostat & use a small electric radiator to supplement the room where the radiator is inadequate.

There are definitely standards for letting but heating is provided, so that's not the issue.

I think your issue is DH & a house that is expensive/impossible to heat.

Won't make a massive difference but bleed the radiators ( my DH obsession in winter)