Husband won’t allow hearing to go above 16.

[C6H12O6]

Live up north in an old stone house with single glazed windows upstairs. Central heating powered by oil, 2 open fires. That’s what heats the house. The last week or so I’ve come down in the morning and the temperature has been 13 degrees. If I put the heating on (which is capped at 16) I’ll notice that half an hour later he’s turned it off. When questioned he cites we are low on oil.

For info I buy the logs and the oil (around £350 a month for oil and £100 a month for logs). I also pay the electric and water and food shopping plus my own diesel for the car. I tend to buy all things for our child. He pays rent, council tax, insurance, car services (and repairs). He earns twice what I do.

I’m full of cold at the moment with an awful cough and so went to put the heating on (currently 14 degrees) and he’s switched it off again. I’m fuming.

AIBU?

As a tide-over while you investigate leaks, one of my friends swears by this in winter - it's a Keis motorcycle heated body warmer, which she charges and wears on walks etc. Heat the body, not the house - does your child need one too?

I'd rather sell the horse than go cold.

You need to move, the house doesn't sound fit for purpose.

MN can’t have it both ways. It’s either your money for you to spend as you choose, or you’re married, therefore separate finances shouldn’t exist.

He’s not controlling at all. Admittedly, 13 degrees is cold but I can understand him not wanting the oil bills to be any higher. As pretty as old houses are, they can be absolute money pits.

OP has already explained that he pays thousands a month for other bills, living, and school costs.

If you're paying for the oil I don't understand why he gets to dictate how much you use.

14 degrees is below the healthy minimum temperature advice, which at 18 is nowhere near warm enough for me.

I'm currently sitting in my living room without the heating on and the thermostat is showing a room temperature of 21.5, which is fine and why I haven't put the heating on yet this morning; having said that, although, my body is warm - thick dressing gown - my hands are cold.

You need to make it clear to him that you can't live like this, it's not healthy.

I sort of agree. It seems mad to be keeping two horses in comfort whilst you freeze and worry about bills.

Appreciate this is slightly off topic. Is it worth finding out if you can pay monthly for your oil rather than when you purchase it? We fill our tank a couple of times a year, it's cheaper to buy larger quantities. We then pay a monthly set amount.

The rent isn't even cheap...this is madness to live there and spend so much and still be miserably cold😭

We have a very large, very old 5 bed house and over the winter we can get through 400-450 L a month but it averages out at around 200l a month over the year. Yours does seem very high

Firstly, yanbu.

Secondly, in a reasonably large 30 year old detached house with some insulation upgrades, I use around 1500L of oil a year. The house is always warm and we have plenty of hot water - you need to move.

Yes but where to live should be a joint decision.

but You don’t know what the op is paying and earning or the husband is paying and earning. Yet you say divorce without any of that information…

Funny this, I know several women whose husbands/partners won't ALLOW the heating to go up, unless it's less than 2-3 degrees C outside.

Serious question, who the actual FUCK do they think they are? Why do they think they have the right to dictate what the heating is set at (and when it is 'allowed' on?!) Even my niece (in her 30s) says her husband 'won't let her have the heating on' unless there is frost, ice, or snow outside. And THEN it can only go up to 15 C.

I said 'but it's YOUR house as well, and you work as well! HE should not dictate to you when you have the heating on. If you're cold, put it on!'

Apparently he is 'thrifty.' Yeah it's good to be careful with money, and save for a rainy day, but not at the expense of your comfort and happiness, and not at the expense of your health. And you will be ill if you are permanently fucking freezing cold!

@C6H12O6 Turn the fecking heating up if it's cold FGS!

I went on information she gave?. She said he earns double what she earns and she listed most of the bills as her responsibility?. She gave the impression she is paying most of the house hold costs!. Also he insisted on living in a very cold house and turns off the heating even when she is sick with cold!

You might want to point out to your landlord that if you move out and they get new tenants who aren't family members, they will have to make plenty of improvements to the property. Your conditions might, just might, be tolerable, if the rent was dirt cheap to make up for it. But the rent is high AND the conditions are poor. They are taking the piss and getting away with it because you are family.
Also, in my opinion, since you asked if you were being unreasonable, I think as a family you have the wrong priorities ie horses and private school, but living in a freezing cold house. Basic comfort and health should come before luxuries.

Agree that your DH's behaviour around the thermostat is unacceptable, in particular when you're ill.

Can't comment on the boiler situation but even in a tented house there's plenty you can do for better thermal insulation. Window insulation kits are cheap so chips and can make a big difference, especially if you get the type that creates an air pocket between the film layer and the window pane.

https://www.bhg.com/best-window-insulator-kits-6829822

We used to joke at work when it was cold that we should request an OHS officer to come in to check the temperature as if it went to 15 degrees or below we would legally have to be sent home (it was a government job).

I have no idea if this is actually true about sending us home, but we were wearing gloves and scarves indoors when it was down to 16 degrees.

What I mean to say is, thirteen degrees is way too low. The only thing that should stop you turning the heating on in that case is serious money problems, and then getting enough together to adequately heat your house should be a top priority just like if you couldn't afford enough food.

Get a clean brush shaft and dip the tank that way.

500l a month in oil!!! That's insane. I live in 3 bed terrace tbf and use oil for heating and water - we use less than 100L per month

This. Or literally tap the sides of the tank. You will hear where is hollow and where the oil is filled up to

I'd also suggest pooling the bills and paying them on percentage of salary

ypu Have a problem husband and a problem house.

you would save a fortune if you moved - and fro the sounds of it your life would be vastly improved if you moved alone (well, take the child😂).

We live in a very old house with oil fired heating and water. £350 is absolutely crazy money! I just looked at what we pay and it’s £96 a month for a 4 bed house (extremely draughty and no double glazing).

Do you have a gauge on your tank? Is it moving during the month/when tank is filled up? Have you tried simply tapping the side of the tank, at the bottom/middle/top? You might hear a change in tone indicating how much oil is in there (it will sound more 'hollow' above the level of the oil).

Also. Sunflower oil solidifies at -18 degrees C. There is no way in the UK even in the winter that your house is at that temperature.

Unless you mean that cooking fat solidifies? Which is normal.

Just wondering if you either have a leak somewhere but also could someone be pinching some of your oil every month? That seems a lot for one house per month.

There has been oil thefts near me in recent years and it could be a neighbour or someone who is careful not to pinch too much all in one go