Birthday meal, DH and kids...

[Mealtime19283]

It was a big birthday of mine last week. My parents have kindly said they want to take me, DH and our children out for a meal (and pay for it).

There is quite a fancy restaurant that has recently opened up and they have suggested this (I do want to try it as well so very grateful). It's expensive so not somewhere we'd go ourselves usually.

They have suggested next weekend, my mum was unwell on the week of my actual birthday so we have been waiting for her to feel better.

DH wants his older children to come too, my DSC. The weekend suggested is not the weekend they are with us. Admittedly, although I haven't said this to DH, I suspect it was one of the reasons this specific weekend was chosen as I know my parents are looking forward to spending the evening with GC as they have said they don't get to treat them as much as they'd like.

Aibu to say we should just go without DSC who aren't due to be there anyway? I don't feel right asking my parents to pay for them and its not something we can afford this month ourselves for a couple of reasons. Mt parents could afford it, they are comfortable financially and like to treat me/ DC but if they'd have wanted to I feel they'd have offered. They aren't close to DSC and anyway, it's supposed to be for my birthday and I'd quite like just an evening to ourselves with my parents.

If DSC were due to be here that would be different.

Always so weird when people compare step children doing something with their family and the OP's children doing something with people who have zero to do with them. OP is her step childrens SM, their Mum is absolutely nothing to OP's children I'm guessing

Anyway, I agree with you OP, it's uncomfortable to ask your parents to pay unless they've offered, as I'm guessing they know they weren't due to you being with you that weekend. Leaving them out, ie cancelling their time with you for it, would have been different.

Could DH not do something with you and all of the children for your birthday?

Always so weird when people compare step children doing something with their family and the OP's children doing something with people who have zero to do with them.

Op's parents are paying and they have zero to do with Op's stepchildren.

I had similar recently- my birthday dinner, adult ss has always ghosted me and I have no relationship with him. Dh insisted he come.. but he was paying.

He ignores you and you have no relationship?

Fuck that, I'd have not gone if my husband insisted he come. Why would you want him there at your birthday?

The GPs are inviting and paying and don't see the SC as family any more that the exW's GPs do OP's children.

Ops children are half siblings to the stepkids so they are part of their family.

I agree, incredibly rude. It’s not his invite to extend, whether you want them there or not.

OP is your DH the sort who either a) insists you don't do anything when the DSCs aren't with you because they'll miss out or b) if you do plan things insists the DSCs have to be there whether it's his contact time or not?

Do the DSCs even know the people he's expecting to cough up for their dinner? And it will change the dynamic. DH will give all his attention to them and none to your parents.

No. Neither of their parents are in a relationship with the ex. There’s no unit there.

DH is a CF. Has he no pride?

OP's DC are half siblings to her DSC surely there's a family tie right there, so in step family talk should be able to join their siblings at any event on both sides.

Where does it stop.

All the OP wants is some time with her parents to go out for a meal and celebrate her birthday with her DC and DH
Her parents in turn just want to celebrate their DD birthday with their immediate family that being OP and their own GC that their DD birthed.

Would have been a time it wouldn't have caused such uproar.

He just wants his children included in a family meal for a big celebration.

Then he can arrange another one without hijacking the one arranged by OP’s parents. And pay for it.

I think it’s perfectly fine for you to want to celebrate with your parents and family and as your parents have offered to pay o feel
its cheeky of DH to expect his children to be included (especially as it’s not even the weekend they are due to visit)
enjoy your celebrations

Just this.

Good god, based on Mumsnet i hope my children or grandchildren are never part of a blended family. Why shouldnt they be included?

"our children".......says it all. Dont get together with someone who already has kids if you dont take them into your life as shared "our children"

Then he is being a CF.

I would expect them to go if it was their weekend with you

But it's not.

What if their mum has other plans?

Yes, it says they’re not her children. Because they’re not.

So? What difference does it make that they arent her kids? They should still be classed as family....no?

im sure the mum would change plans for the OPs bday, unless theres more to the story.

Quite a big one, clearly.

They are classed as family - they’re stepchildren. They’re also not due to visit their father that weekend, and OP’s parents are entitled to want to treat their daughter, son in law and grandchildren to dinner for her birthday without having to include, and pay for, her stepchildren.

Your DH is being a right cheeky cunt. Tell him no you won’t be asking. If he kicks up a fuss suggest he stays at home.

Maybe don't ask the parents if they can go. Or say no to dh. Or tell your parents and say you would rather they didn't come. Don't let h get his own way without actually asking your parents himself.