Birthday meal, DH and kids...

[Mealtime19283]

It was a big birthday of mine last week. My parents have kindly said they want to take me, DH and our children out for a meal (and pay for it).

There is quite a fancy restaurant that has recently opened up and they have suggested this (I do want to try it as well so very grateful). It's expensive so not somewhere we'd go ourselves usually.

They have suggested next weekend, my mum was unwell on the week of my actual birthday so we have been waiting for her to feel better.

DH wants his older children to come too, my DSC. The weekend suggested is not the weekend they are with us. Admittedly, although I haven't said this to DH, I suspect it was one of the reasons this specific weekend was chosen as I know my parents are looking forward to spending the evening with GC as they have said they don't get to treat them as much as they'd like.

Aibu to say we should just go without DSC who aren't due to be there anyway? I don't feel right asking my parents to pay for them and its not something we can afford this month ourselves for a couple of reasons. Mt parents could afford it, they are comfortable financially and like to treat me/ DC but if they'd have wanted to I feel they'd have offered. They aren't close to DSC and anyway, it's supposed to be for my birthday and I'd quite like just an evening to ourselves with my parents.

If DSC were due to be here that would be different.

If it were DH parents. And they left out the kids

Not the bloody ex!

And feel these answers would be so different if the situation was reversed and it was the op's children being excluded

Well - yes. Because if the OP’s PILs were arranging a birthday meal for the DH, then her kids would be the PIL’s grandchildren. So it would be odd to exclude the OP’s kids.

If, however, the DH’s ex wife’s mother arranged a meal out for the ex wife and invited DH and the OP (as his new wife), then I would presume that the DSC would be there but OP’s children wouldn’t.

If it had been a weekend away for OP birthday should the DH also invite his DC at the GP expense?

I think this is really rude of your dh to expect from your parents.

Op says clearly.....they are well off

Don't know why she doesn't just ask them if they are expected to come or not

because she doesn’t want them to come

the op has completely muddied the waters with her reference to her parents paying.

it doesn’t matter if dh pays…. op doesn’t want them to come

dh will know that

so she needs to be straight with him

You're very free with other people's money! That's so rude.

Just because the OP parents are well off doesn't give the DH the right to dictate that they are to pay for uninvited guests, no matter who they are.

He’s being a CF. Of course your parents are not obligated to pay for his kids to come. He’s also trying to cause trouble. Tell him that you might prefer it if he stays home with all of the kids and you go out with your folks.

I agree it's fine to go out for a meal on a weekend they are not there. I would say no to them coming or if he pushes it. He pays

We had similar situation recently. My dd was home when ils took us out for a meal. They did pay but we offered to pay for her

'Dh it's not their weekend so I'm not asking my parents if they'll pay even more for a very generous treat. If it was their weekend with us I'd be having that conversation with them. And when it's your birthday we always include them. '

Thats not true, it is possible to go out for a meal without the whole family, especially if some of them don't live in your house full time.

and did they accept?

As a pp said, I’m normally firmly on the side of dsc.

In this case though, given that they’re not even going to be with them that weekend, I think it’s really presumptuous of the dad. He’s also expecting his children’s mother to swap weekends. She might have plans already.

I wonder if he’d be suggesting this if he was paying.

This is more about your H wanting to take advantage of your parents. Not nice.

Cheeky fucker, you don’t invite people when your not paying.

@trackertoo no they paid for her. We did buy drinks tho xx

Why does he want them there? Do your children go to thier mothers birthday dinners?

I think I would just leave the kids with DH and have the fancy dinner with my parents on my own. If DH wants to celebrate your birthday with all the children involved, he can sort that out himself.

It's not okay to be Lord Billy Big-Bollocks with someone else's money. If he feels that strongly, he can take the OP, ALL of the kids and the OP's parents out for dinner the following weekend.

Unless there's some back story, such as your DC being treated to meals/days out by the DSC's grandparents and now it's pay back time, then your DH is bang out of order. I'm usually on the side of stepchildren but this is taking the piss.

Your parents want to be with their own family, not unrelated folk.
Quite right too.

DP in this sense are the dear parents. If the OP and her parents consider the children family, they should be invited to join their siblings and the rest of the family at the big birthday.

Different situation…OP’s children are not part of the ex’s family. DH’s children are part of the OP’s family.