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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Birthday meal, DH and kids...

305 replies

Mealtime19283 · 29/03/2024 14:57

It was a big birthday of mine last week. My parents have kindly said they want to take me, DH and our children out for a meal (and pay for it).

There is quite a fancy restaurant that has recently opened up and they have suggested this (I do want to try it as well so very grateful). It's expensive so not somewhere we'd go ourselves usually.

They have suggested next weekend, my mum was unwell on the week of my actual birthday so we have been waiting for her to feel better.

DH wants his older children to come too, my DSC. The weekend suggested is not the weekend they are with us. Admittedly, although I haven't said this to DH, I suspect it was one of the reasons this specific weekend was chosen as I know my parents are looking forward to spending the evening with GC as they have said they don't get to treat them as much as they'd like.

Aibu to say we should just go without DSC who aren't due to be there anyway? I don't feel right asking my parents to pay for them and its not something we can afford this month ourselves for a couple of reasons. Mt parents could afford it, they are comfortable financially and like to treat me/ DC but if they'd have wanted to I feel they'd have offered. They aren't close to DSC and anyway, it's supposed to be for my birthday and I'd quite like just an evening to ourselves with my parents.

If DSC were due to be here that would be different.

OP posts:
Helen1625 · 30/03/2024 18:11

Inertia · 30/03/2024 10:54

Your DH is being a CF on three fronts:

  • he’s inviting his children along to an event that other people are hosting and paying for
  • He’s expecting the children’s mother to give up her own contact time, regardless of any plans she might already have with the children
  • he wants to dictate what happens on your birthday, with your own parents.

There is a simple solution: DH organises and pays for a separate birthday celebration on a weekend when he has contact with his children, and you all go out together.

I think you've summed it up perfectly here 👌

rwalker · 30/03/2024 18:17

Nothing shouts louder your not my family than not inviting them to your big birthday

think you and your dc should go with your parents and dh stay at home

Helen1625 · 30/03/2024 18:32

Oh my days, some of the replies 🙄

If your husband wants to organise a meal out including all of the children for your big birthday, he can.

Your parents want to treat you, their daughter, plus husband and grandchildren to a meal for your birthday and that's perfectly OK. What's not ok is inviting other people to the event. As the hosts, I think it's up to your mom and dad who they want there. If they'd wanted to include your SC, they would have said so. They want to have a little celebration with you, their daughter. Asking to bring the other children is putting your parents in an awkward position as they might feel obliged to pay.

As you've already said, it's the SC weekend with their mom anyway - it would also be a bit presumptuous to assume that you could have them on their mom's weekend.

Go and enjoy your meal with your parents and have a lovely night 😊

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2024 23:46

MississippiAF · 30/03/2024 09:14

3.- if OP wants them there.

  1. If Ops parents also want them there
  1. If Ops children also want them there. Maybe they'd like to do something with thier mother on her birthday without the stepkids there.
Helen1625 · 31/03/2024 13:07

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2024 23:46

  1. If Ops parents also want them there
  1. If Ops children also want them there. Maybe they'd like to do something with thier mother on her birthday without the stepkids there.

Good point

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