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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

388 replies

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

OP posts:
DarkDarkNight · 28/03/2024 18:22

Wow he sounds like a prize arse. Absolutely thoughtless and not at all bothered about the time and money you have spent to arrange this surprise. It’s going to ruin her birthday, he must know this. She’s going to be put in an awkward position and forced to choose between her family and boyfriend.

Londonrach1 · 28/03/2024 18:22

Your dd is amazing...her ex 'd' b has lost someone very special...

Geebray · 28/03/2024 18:23

Wine and pizza cures everything. Have a wonderful weekend!

Bearygummies · 28/03/2024 18:23

I was about to reply and then I saw the update 😂 that’s worked out nicely! Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders, I’m glad she declined both him & the present. Hope you all have a great celebration…without him!

This probably explains why he was so fixed on going on that particular date, even though you already had plans for her since it was a ticket his brother had bought earlier he wouldn’t have chose the date. What a selfish guy though - she’s well rid.

PuppyMonkey · 28/03/2024 18:24

poor DH is feeling rather out numbered tonight, 😂😂, and has decided that sons are definitely easier than daughters 😂

Not sure what the daughters have done wrong, it’s the blokes causing all the problems.

WimbyAce · 28/03/2024 18:24

Glad it got sorted out, have a great weekend!

Skyblue18 · 28/03/2024 18:27

Just read update, good its all worked out for the best

kcchiefette · 28/03/2024 18:27

Just seen all the updates and that is great news. Glad its all worked out in the end. And the ex definitely showed his true colours. She dodged a really big bullet there.

JPGR · 28/03/2024 18:27

So glad it all worked out.

DarkDarkNight · 28/03/2024 18:27

She’s dodged a bullet there, how sly of him to try to get in first with his present. Have a lovely holiday.

HappiestSleeping · 28/03/2024 18:28

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 18:17

Apparently she was there when the brother was telling her BF, took her a minute to work out the connection, but was rather hurt that he would gift her a second hand gift, that’s how she sees it anyway. He got the strop and said he had paid his brother for them so it wasn’t a freebie, but if that wasn’t good enough for her then he would find someone else to take. I’m just glad after the time she’s had, she can laugh it off, I’ll be keeping a close eye on her though.

poor DH is feeling rather out numbered tonight, 😂😂, and has decided that sons are definitely easier than daughters 😂

Are you able to tell us what the show was that got refused twice? I know I shouldn't ask, so please forgive me.

KarateSchnitzel · 28/03/2024 18:31

Brilliant outcome! I stand by my previous comment, he was clearly rushing around trying to get to DD before you did so he could surprise her first. What a scumbag, she's better off without him, hes shown his true colours there. Hope your DD has a fantastic weekend!

JawsStillScaresMe · 28/03/2024 18:31

What a dickhead. Maybe not controlling then, but definitely still no loss to her of your family. What sort of person would ruin so many peoples plans just to use up tickets that someone else needed to offload? 🤯

Hope you all have a lovely break.

PansyOatZebra · 28/03/2024 18:34

Wtffff who does that???!?!!!!???

Topsyturvy78 · 28/03/2024 18:35

What a complete t* surely there was another date he could have booked it for. He's just assuming he's she's going to accept.

moreoutsidespace · 28/03/2024 18:36

I am really glad it’s resolved and really glad to hear your daughter showed him the door!

iamwhatiam23 · 28/03/2024 18:46

Rosscameasdoody · 28/03/2024 16:56

If he hasn’t misunderstood the plans this is a huge red flag for control OP. Tell him he’ll have to change his plans because he was clearly told you had this planned. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

I completely agree with this.

PickledPurplePickle · 28/03/2024 18:55

I came on this thread to try and give you some advice, then read your update - amazing, well done to your daughter for not letting him walk all over her and rejecting the gift

Have an amazing weekend

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 28/03/2024 18:57

Hopefully no woman will fall for his third hand gift!!

oakleaffy · 28/03/2024 18:59

Wayk · 28/03/2024 14:25

This is a form of control and trying to out do your trip. Talk to your husband and get your husband to call him.

@Grumpynan This. This Boyfriend of a few mere weeks has basically ruined - on purpose- your family event.
He is not a good man to do this.

Very controlling.

Badburyrings · 28/03/2024 19:00

Wayk · 28/03/2024 14:25

This is a form of control and trying to out do your trip. Talk to your husband and get your husband to call him.

WTF does the husband need to call him? I am sure the OP is perfectly capable of dealing with it..

diddl · 28/03/2024 19:00

Well that took a turn!

I initially thought that she had mentioned a show that she wanted to see so that he had excitedly booked without thinking.

Turns out he cba to get a present!

Willmafrockfit · 28/03/2024 19:03

good for her! lucky escape
wonder why it was rejected in the first place?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 28/03/2024 19:07

The fact that he has done that shows that he is not a nice guy who he should be with so you need to tell her the truth.

MumblesParty · 28/03/2024 19:08

I’m curious to know why the boyfriend’s brother’s wife didn’t want to go.