BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

[Grumpynan]

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

@Grumpynan Wow just read update!
We knew he was a bad un!
Glad he’s been binned.

Have a lovely if wet weekend!

nope- dont put her in that position.weed him out thats utter twattery.he CAN NOT be that stupid

Wow, what a cock! 😂
Such a red flag ... is he THAT much of a fucking moron...?!

I'm so pleased OP - you must be SO relieved on SO many levels, after all the twists and turns in the responses on here - even I was starting to wonder.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Sounds like your daughter had a lucky escape. That kind of power and control crap would just have got worse.

i hope you all have a lovely time and your daughter gets spoiled rotten. It sounds like she deserves that

What did you reply to him ? I would be honest

She's on here asking for advice about her birthday, and that's what everyone has given. I hope you're ok. You seem quite hostile :)

Him and his brother should go!

Wonder why his brothers wife rejected it..... probably a freebie he got in the first place.

So pleased with this update.

Undoubtedly exBF was a CF.

Hope you and your family have a lovely weekend. Happy birthday to your DD x

Oh your poor DD, what a complete and utter twat waffle. I hope she has a lovely birthday and you all have a great weekend

Wow OP that worked itself out didn’t it? Imagine the steel balls to “buy” a second hand gift directly conflicting your plans and then surreptitiously pick DD up from work to get his way. I specifically returned to your thread to see if you had made any updates. You’re all going to have a fabulous time in Devon she will be loved cherished and adored by family. Truly better he showed his character early on. Happy Easter OP.

God what a wild ride this thread is! Well done to your DD for dumping the scoundrel, wishing her a wonderful birthday and you all a great weekend!

Well you’ve raised her right! How reassuring for you that she took it all in her stride and totally stood up to him. Clever girl.

What a slippery shit he sounds!

Would love to know why the brothers wife threw it back too. How bad of a show was it?
Thrilled it's worked out for you. X

Tell your DH sons might be easier, but he's done a cracking job with his brilliant DDs (and you too OP).

Such great news it all worked out, and thank god before you were all there, and he announced it on the day without anyone knowing! Xx

It does sound like it was a coincidence that it was the same weekend but.....I dunno why but it still feels like there is something off about this. Someone who told you in advance about the plan to screw up your plans, who went out of his way to make sure that he got to DD first in order to get his own way and then threw a massive strop when it didnt work is not a nice person or is so immature that he shouldnt be allowed out on his own. He knew when he "bought" the tickets off his brother (bullshit imo) that it was that weekend. He didnt say "Oh thanks for the offer but DD is away with her family that weekend, he steamed on ahead anyway.

I am so glad that she got rid of him as this is the insidious way this shit starts. Give a year and he would be kicking off if she wants to see her family at all, making her feel bad that she wants to see anyone but him..... controlling behaviour due to insecurity and neediness or deliberately abusive, either way the end result is the same.

OK so I have no proof of that, but call it a hunch....

Either he has one brain cell - literally one. Or he is a controlling manipulator!

Definitely tell your daughter and her friends. I would call his also and tell him how disappointed you are after.

Honestly the best way it could have worked out

I think this is a red flag of controlling and odd behaviour

@PuppyMonkey yes you're right! He's blaming the women for the dickhead boyfriends. Wta?? 🧐

I’m curious to know what show it is.
Have a great weekend hope the weather is ok where you’re going.

This a complete and utter red flag, he is showing his controlling side. He’s done this on purpose and he will pretend otherwise but don’t let him get away with it!!

This.

This is an attempt at control and to force her to choose him over her family.

She's very vulnerable from what you say and he could well have been "love-bombing" her.

He's an arsehole.

Edited to say I've just read the last page and it seems she's made the right decision. Also - I must remember to read OP's posts before steaming in.

As you were