To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

It's not dependant on the I dividual, it's biology

I don’t agree with you at all. I had my fertility checked at 35 and was definitively told by my doctor that I had a very small chance of getting pregnant naturally. He said you will probably need fertility treatment at your age. At the time the NHS did not allow women over 35 to get fertility treatment, I think that policy is changed now. in any case I managed to get pregnant at 39 naturally, so consider myself very lucky. I do have quite a lot of friends who got pregnant naturally over 35, but it really does need to be explained clearly that it’s not easy.

It is very much dependent on the individual, statistics mean nothing to the individual. I had no problems conceiving twice, however I lost one at 16 weeks, both after the age of 35.

The risk of losing babies unfortunately goes up with advancing age. So you've kind of proved my point.

I think there a fair amount of information available, although fertility varies so massively by individual, doesn’t it.

I also paid attention to family tendencies- my Mum conceived me easily at 37, but wasn’t able to conceive again when they tried for a second child after a couple of years This was in the 1970’s when IVF was only just starting. So I took that as a warning that my fertility might also suddenly take a nosedive and had my two slightly earlier.

Of course I was lucky to have met DH at the right time and if we’d tried later with no luck, we’d have had far more treatment options.

It's very individual.

Predicting the probability that an average 37 year old will conceive is reasonably straightforward.

Predicting whether a single individual 37 year old will conceive is a much more difficult problem.

Some 20 year olds struggle, some 45 year olds conceive easily. Most of us lie somewhere in between those extremes but it's next to impossible to know where we are in that spectrum until we try.

I hate this bloody thread. I started trying two years ago and in the space of two years, two miscarriages and worst of all I lost my twins at 29 weeks - stillbirth and neonatal death just 4 months ago,I'm just gone 33 and I'm not giving up that I'll bring that healthy baby home. This thread is upsetting. Not disagreeing with facts but I've seen children born at many stages through 30's and early 40's. I hope I'll be one of them again.

I also have a clean bill of health. Twin loss was a rare twin condition. Miscarriages bad luck.

Wow, using a 36 week loss to prove a point. That's a low point even for MN.

@ColleenDonaghy 16 week loss.

I just didn't know what point she was trying to prove.

What op is saying, is women are told they can have it all, then they get to 34/35 and realise that their fertility isn't great. I agree with the OP's point

Most of us lie somewhere in between those extremes but it's next to impossible to know where we are in that spectrum until we try.

Yeah, exactly. But it's a biological truth that fertility declines as we age. The way society is set up is leading to couples not doing the trying but until much, much later. This can be a problem for a lot of women.

Now that is a piece of information that needs to be widely known- NHS funding. Is it still the case?
I’m so glad you got your baby

Yes it declines but we don't plummet from fertile one day to infertile the next.

You talk of couples, but most couples I know who only started to TTC in their late 30s did so because they weren't a couple earlier than that. The occasional couple who were together but postponed TTC did so because of finances (a sensible decision) or relationship difficulties (again, sensible).

I don't think many 32 year old women think "I'm financially and in a stable relationship but I think I'll wait to TTC until I'm 39".

Most women try later in life for very sensible reasons.

That is incredibly common knowledge, surely you'd have to be living under a rock or very dim to not know this

I thought the generral impression was that 30 was the cutoff

It's not dependant on the I dividual, it's biology

If that's the case then no woman on the planet would be able to have babies over 40 yes? But they do, frequently...that's where your argument falls down.

I know almost no women my generation who had DC before 30. I can think of one friend who started at 28, everyone else well over 30.

Just another thread demonstrating that people don't understand statistics.

Yup..

The abortion rate amongst over 40 year olds is skyrocketing because the media makes women think their fertility drops off a cliff at 35 when it doesn't. I think its nonsense that women arent aware thst fertility reduces the older you get. Its rammed down our throats constantly. Women also don't get pregnant by themselves. Who do you think your friend should have got pregnant by earlier?

Cut off for what? Genuinely? Like a pp I also know virtually no one who I was at university with who had children before 30 but very many who've had children after. Do you really think (or think people think) fertility drops dramatically at age 30? I've never really heard that said. Later in your 30s, yes.

I'm so sorry you've been through that. I can't begin to imagine. If you have undergone investigations and have just suffered horrible bad luck, then it's very very likely you will bring home a healthy baby in the coming years. Just like most of us have experienced in real life, this thread is full of people who have had themselves or have many friends who have had babies in their 30s.

Will make better choices.

Biggest fucking eyeroll going. 'Better' according to who exactly?

YABU. We know this, we're not stupid.

Perhaps there’s just an impression that women aren’t aware of their fertility because more and more are choosing not to make babies the centre of their life and are pursuing other goals?

OP, out of interest, do you assume every child-free 35 year-old is being ‘misled’ or as having her ‘head in the sand’ about fertility? Maybe she is just not that concerned about it. I don’t mean against having a baby, but just… not that bothered. Some of us really are still on the fence well into our 30s…

Every single person I knew when we turned 30 had had someone point the finger and say times ticking. Family members etc. are Doctors also.