To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

I had fertility tests done in my mid 30s and was told I had a good egg reserve and could probably get pregnant straight away (I didn't want to) but was also told by the consultant that I was very fertile, so should be careful if I didn't want to fall pregnant.

I had a termination (unplanned pregnancy) at 17 and a miscarriage at 21. I think I also had another miscarriage at 31, but I wasn't sure if it was one or not, I had had two very positive pregnancy tests though and then had a very heavy what I thought was a period, and then next time I tested, it was negative. My big thing was, after having the termination, apart from when I was pregnant (the 31 year old one wasn't planned, 21 year old one was), I was desperate not to fall pregnant, so despite being on the pill, I panicked about it and when I came off the pill at 30 and tended to use withdrawal method (yeah I know, unreliable) I got the MAP a few times for protection.

A colleague of mine was married and then divorced and then remarried again, her DM is a gynaecologist and told her that apparently the cut off point for pregnancy was 37, so she waited until then to start trying, got pregnant but then had her second child a year after the first one. Other women I've known, one got pregnant at 35 and she didn't think she could get pregnant before (when she tried it hadn't worked with a previous partner), another got pregnant at 40/41 but had a miscarriage but then 3-4 years later fell pregnant, a few friends have got pregnant late 30s/early to mid 40s.

Older celebrities, almost all of them I'm guessing have had expensive IVF and/or donor eggs/surrogates.

I think to a certain degree women are misled into believing they can have children any time they want. A schoolfriend of mine, we were all mid 40s and met up for a school (Catholic convent school) reunion, one of them stated at the table she thought she was ok to get pregnant then and we all told her kindly we thought she'd missed the boat, she has an older and a younger sister and her close friend is a midwife so you'd think she'd know from speaking to them. My brother's ex-GF from a few years ago, I met up with her a year ago, she's 47/48 and told me "if I want another baby I can have one if I like" - she's having regular periods, but there's no guarantee of course of it happening nor any issues (she decided not to go ahead). I've always known I could if I wanted to have kids but was very much half and half about it and would have had to be with the right man, not just any old man, due to my DM being a single parent.

This is a classic example. Although I don't agree it's the media I've read many of threads on here trotting this line! And similar.

I'm not sure what media you're consuming, but I feel I've seen relentless messaging in media and other public forums, telling women "not to leave it too late", "you can't have it all" etc. It's actually quite tiresome.

As a woman you get told "DON'T GET PREGNANT" and then it feels you get to your early-mid 20s and there's a hand break turn and you suddenly start getting told "DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE".

The same messages also conveniently seem to ignore men. Or the financial, economic, housing, childcare reasons many women have to leave having children til later.

As a woman you get told "DON'T GET PREGNANT" and then it feels you get to your early-mid 20s and there's a hand break turn and you suddenly start getting told "DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE".
and 'the biological clock is ticking*

I had my first at 35. It was always the opposite in my opinion, especially on MN. Pretty much everyone past the age of 35 needs ivf apparently. Very judgemental.

Completely agree with this.
Saying that I winged it with children at 33, 35 and 40, pregnant each time within a month of trying, but I know I was very lucky.

Nope. It's hammered into us from the get go and bad luck to you if you don't happen to meet Prince Charming by the time you're 35. Your poor friend - started TTC as soon as she felt her relationship had legs but in your eyes she's been stupid for leaving it too late. What would you have her do?

And the idea of a "cliff-edge" at 35 has been debunked by the way. Fertility declines gradually, and is also greatly impacted by other factors like weight and smoking.

Can anyone point to a celebrity, B grade type that can help me make billions
😂

Taking advice from so-called, F rated celebs is a big LOL

I feel like all I ever hear is how women over 35 have massively declining fertility and they need to rush to have children asap. I don't think the media is kidding women into thinking they'll be fertile forever, quite the opposite.

What I see in reality is that most of my acquaintances who have tried to have children at 35+ have been successful 🤷‍♀️

There is no false media impression as many have said.

Not everyone who wants to have kids is in a position to have them when they are in their prime fertility years.

Women are constantly reminded that the clock is ticking.

The media made me think it would be difficult for me to conceive after 35 but I've been pregnant 3 times and got pregnant on the first try all three times so it certainly wasn't the case for me.

PPs are correct about male fertility decreasing with age. Not only are men over 35 less likely to conceive, but much more likely to produce children with various conditions/ health problems.

I think it's the opposite.

I don't have kids myself and have never wanted any, but I've received grim warnings from childhood on of the grave dangers of women who 'left it too late' and were now 'spinsters' with no babies.

Most women are very well aware that their time to have babies is limited. Whenever a celebrity gets pregnant much after 40, the gossip is always about how she must have used donated eggs or had other fertility treatment. It's a bit patronising to suggest that women are fooled into thinking there is no biological clock because some actress or model had a baby at 45.

Yes. And not only that, but most men are going to find it hard to find a much younger woman to reproduce with once they get into middle age. Most men are not Mick Jagger or Al Pacino.

Maybe it's men who need to be educated on the risks of leaving it too late?

I agree with this. I knew it would be more difficult to conceive the older I got, but imo the real disservice is telling teenage girls that it's extremely easy to get pregnant and that there's a high risk of pregnancy every single time you have sex. All of a sudden you're not a teenager anymore, you're trying for a baby and thinking there's something seriously wrong with you when you've been trying for 6-12 months and still haven't conceived. Trust girls with the correct/complete information instead of just trying to scare them out of having sex.

I used to work with a highly intelligent woman who desperately wanted children, but kept putting it off because, to be brutally honest, she was unbelievably fussy about her partners. I don't think you should stick around with someone who isn't a good partner/fit for you, but this woman had an absolute laundry list of required traits/characteristics she needed in a partner. For example, wouldn't even entertain considering a blind date with a friend I knew could be a good match for her, because she didn't like the fact he had a "working class job and drove the wrong kind of car". He was a plumber, with a small but successful business, and drove a pick up truck (not sure what the right phrase for that is in the UK I just realised!)

Anyway, I'm certain that she intellectually knew her potential to conceive children was getting smaller the older she got. But she seemed to very clearly have her head in the sand about it iyswim. I lost contact for other reasons but I hope she's found someone as she was a nice woman, just had some very odd hang ups/pretentions about some things (like aforementioned plumber friend)

It's been well known and written about since 1950s that women's best year to try to conceive are from 18 to 25.
However many women do have first child in their 40s.

I think they had a surrogate given her age and no mention of giving birth

Waiting until you are ready to have a baby isn’t a poor decision.

I agree some people do think they can start in there late thirties I have heard them !
I actually replied it’s harder to conceive in your thirties they looked shocked 😳!
Best age in convieving is in your 20’s when the egg are healthy it might not be the right timing then but that is how we biologically work !

More of my peers had children in their 40’s than 20’s.
People look at a graph like this and just see the chance of getting pregnant vanishing. Whereas what really happens is the chance reduces. So age 22 a woman has a 1/4 chance of getting pregnant each month and a 1/6 chance aged 35. Still good odds.

Exactly this. When women say they had children in their late 20s - what seems to be considered the ideal time - that can only really mean they had one at 27 and one at 29 unless they had a tiny gap. It takes pretty incredible timing to be in a relationship, the right house, right job, right personal head space and on top of that to actually conceive at that exact time of your life. It's the tiniest window. Even if you have one at 27, many children will be hitting 30 before their next. (I had mine at 31 and 33 and felt plenty young enough. I feel fortunate I was in a position to have them at those ages).

I voted YABU because people do know this, it's rammed down our throats at every opportunity. Just some women are willing to risk it while they do their own thing, which is totally fine.

My fertility consultant said that women’s fertility really drops off at 38, not 35. But of course it’s multi factorial.

Thought the same thing.