To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

I think a lot of women on this thread are misunderstand the OP and are being really defensive.

Some women are just not that bothered OP

theyll have a go at conceiving when they feel the time is right for them but if it doesn’t happen, no biggie 🤷‍♀️

I think you underestimate women op

This is the most rational post on the thread so far.

Someone else upthread was talking about stats vs anecdata - well the stats according to a Clearblue report I read is that 82% of 35-39 yos will be pregnant within 12 months of trying, 90% within 2 years. That compares to 86% and 94% respectively for 30-34 yos. So, yes there is a difference but it isn't quite a cliff drop either.

I just find all this handwringing about these women 'leaving it too late' to be a bit judgy/ paternalistic. I know I didn't actually want kids until I was 30, married at 33, first at 35. I knew I was leaving it late, know that I might struggle with a 2nd and had already decided I wouldn't go down the IVF route if that was the case. As it turns out I fell pregnant with no. 2 first month trying at 38 (anecdata alert!), but I had genuinely made peace with potentially having an only having made informed choices about my own life.

I think most people know 35+ your fertility isn’t as good.

Hence why me and my friends have started having babies now at 30 as we all know we have the best chance now.

Thank you for such a lovely reply. No investigations but it wasn't needed. I carried my twins to nearly full term. It was a rare placenta condition that happened. Literally bad luck. So hopefully I'll be lucky soon again. Xx

@Mythought Cameron Diaz had a child with a surrogate mother the first time, so suspect she has again. Never justifiable in my opinion.

Most women can’t have children at that age.

YANBU! I started ttc at 37 (second LTR, had to find a man who actually wanted kids). 15 miscarriages, 5 rounds of egg collections, 6 embryos, only one normal. It’s a sh1tshow and all the women that managed to ttc late are the lucky outliers! It’s too misleading!

But it's a biological fact.

Why are you - and some other trying to make out it isn't?

The OP is correct, and the 'oh ha ha I got pregnant soooo easily at 39/40/42/44 etc' brigade, are doing young women NO favours.

Of course you shouldn't just get pregnant at bloody 20 'just in case,' but also, stop pretending fertility doesn't start to dwindle fast at 35+. In fact, it starts to drop at 30!

A quick google search brings up almost identical results.. from many different websites. The general message (and FACT) is...

A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline happens faster once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely.

ALSO, from the British Fertility Society.

All facts. Cold. Hard. Facts. Not anecdata

https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/

The fertility graph from The BRITISH FERTILITY SOCIETY!

As is illustrated, when women hit 30, fertility starts to drop, and then by 35, it nosedives. If people want to leave it later/freeze eggs and so on, or if women don't have the opportunity to have a baby before early 30s, then that's one thing. Shit happens. But don't try and pretend that women won't have issues conceiving after 35, because 'my cousin Fanny conceived 39 seconds after coming off the pill, and she was 41!' Please. Just stop it!

When i was with my ex husband we never conceived. 6 years trying, investigations etc. Told I wasn't ovulating. That was from 23-29. Then all my pregnancies have been 31+ with my now dh.

Is it women who don't know it... Or men? It's more the latter who need to be educated from what I've seen. Both partners need to agree b4 TTC and most reasonable couples work to this.

The best time to have a baby (from a health point of view) is late teens/ early twenties for both men and women

No it's not. ..not for women anyway. It's 24 - 35.

Teens have more issues with premature births, low birth weight etc. And maybe miscarriages if I remember correctly.
.

Well now I know why the "Toxic Femininity" thread has gone quiet... The OP clearly name changed and jogged over here!

The decline speeds up around 35 but it is not true to say that most women will have problems conceiving after 35.

90% of women 39 and under ttc, do so within 2 years.

I have been called an idiot, mad, crazy and laughed at on here for that figure.. until I pointed them at the NHS fertility page that states it. I have no idea if it's still up in the page.

Certainly my antenatal class bore it out .... All but two women were mid to late 30s.

.

Fertility is a huge range with a big average in the middle and outliers on both sides.

It is also worth pointing out that here, on the border between NI and Ireland - we saw lots of examples of families who didn't use contraception until recently, usually catholic ...and the cut off was not 35 on average, not anywhere near it..
It was more like early to mid 40s.

I disagree. I think we are constantly told about this. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position to TTC when young.

Do you suffer from pcos?

Apparently that affects women more when younger. The women are more likely to fall pregnant "older".

I know several women with pcos who were told they would never have kids and then had kids repeatedly in the late 30s.

Hearing from people of older generations than mine people just got pregnant when it happened there was not much TTC people just go on with life

Maybe it is all this added drama people put to it

There are so many factors but I do believe there is less emphasis in this country on family. Go to many other countries across the world and children are very much part of family life, are celebrated and not seen as a burden. Big families are everything. Here, not so much at all. You are far more likely to be stopped in the street in the UK with your dog but in say Italy and Spain, children are cherished. So I think children aren't such a priority here. People know they want a family but it's not urgent.

A pattern I notice is that alot of my female friends did not necessarily value motherhood, I think in part due to society and the media which give the impression that motherhood isn't that big a deal in this modern world and that you can choose a child-less life and be happy. So none of them were fussed, until the biological urge hit at around late 30s (with the realisation that fertility may be dwindling). Now they are desperately trying to get pregnant, with the added pressure of time, realising their fertility is probably somewhat lower as they left is so long which is 'adding to their anxiety as they feel they are racing against he clock.

We have lost the tradition of encouraging motherhood and recognising motherhood and the family are some of the most fulfilling tasks women can take on

Not to my knowledge no. I was always every 30 days without fail. I did have very heavy periods and had to take the acids tablets etc.

Now they've changed to every 26-28 days and last 2 days. No need for tablets etc.

This drives me nuts. Im half spanish and when I take my children to Spain and we walk into a cafe everyone turns around and smiles and says hello to the children, they feel important. Here they are mostly completely ignored. The amount of people who stop me to talk about my fucking terrier dog whilst my child is stood right there. They don't even say hello to my kids, just bang on about what fucking breed my dog is. It is MENTAL.

I think there is something in this about compatability. I've heard of many women who don't conceive with one man but then instantly with another. I suppose it woud make sense, maybe some combinations are more possible than others.

Same for me.

I was astounded that I conceived relatively easily at 39 and 41. I was led to believe that my ovaries would have long shrivelled away!

Yeah me and dh discussed this when I first got pregnant. Tbf when I look back on the way my ex treated me etc I'm glad we didn't have kids. His tests all came back clear as well.

But I also know of many women who have been with a partner a long time then split and had a baby with a new partner.