To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

I voted YABU as I don’t believe anyone is being mislead.

Its common knowledge that women lose their fertility as they age and that celebs often freeze their eggs, have multiple rounds of IVF or use a surrogate to have a baby.

I don’t think anyone is silly enough to compare their own lives on £25k a year to a celeb on £500k+ a year.

Cameron Diaz had her first child three of four years ago via a surrogate, after failed IVF, so it's fair to assume her son was also born via surrogate (obv could still be using her eggs, but maybe not)

I think the opposite is true and that there are a lot of unplanned pregnancies in older women, because they've been led to believe that their reproductive system is a desert. They may be more inclined to give up on hormonal contraception and take risks - 'safe' period for unprotected sex etc, thinking the likelihood of conceiving is very small - and next thing a pregnancy.

Its nobody’s business if or how celebrities want to ‘welcome’ new babies in their fifties. Good luck to them.

I was conceived naturally (unplanned) when my parents were both 45. It was hard on all three of us, as well as my much older sisters, in many ways and continues to be so.

Fertility is very individual though, some women will have no trouble conceiving at 42 wereas some women struggle at 32, a fertility Dr told me that your menopause age is generally hereditary so find out your mothers age at menopause, minus 10 years and that's when your own fertility drops away significantly, my own mother went through menopause at 57 and I had no trouble having a baby at 41, SIL tried to conceive her second at 36 but it never happened, she found out that her own mother went through menopause at 43, so I do think there's truth in what the Dr said.

COL has hit hard and I don't imagine many people in their early 20's will be thinking of having DC when they are struggling to get by.

Its been the exact opposite in my area. There’s been a massive baby boom among young couples here that started after the first lockdown. So many people, especially women, have lost their jobs due to the events of the last five years and are taking the opportunity of a period of unemployment to have children.

Big new housing estates everywhere, affordable loans from the house builder/bank of M&D. Life goes on.

Further to my previous post…(mum had me at 45)

She went through menopause late fifties. I’m 53 and still having regular periods, no symptoms that I can put my finger on, except weight gain.

I think there's so much we don't know about reproductive health.

I don't think it's useful to bucket into "over 37" type categories. It's not a given that anyone can conceive at any age!

I see IVF absolutely everywhere now, 4 of my friends struggled to conceive in their 20s and went down this route. Statistically as a sample, this is high.

I'm from a family where many have conceived naturally and easily after 40. I'm currently pregnant myself at 39 (40 this year) and it took us only a few months.

There's no doubt fertility declines with age but there are almost certainly other factors at play.

Yes my mum had my sister at 45!

Let's not forget that it takes two to make a baby.

Reproductive success, or lack thereof, can't only be attributed to the female partner.

So true, I wish GPs wouldn't trott out the "you're over 35 so you're bound to struggle" mantra.

I disagree. We hear nothing but a precipitous drop at 35+. It wasn't true in my case. I conceived the first month of trying 4 times between 35-45.

I remember reading that there isn’t actually much solid, good data and research into female fertility? Apparently the ‘over 35’ thing is based on old records from the 1800s or something.

When you see the ‘huge’ families on television and social media (like the Radfords and a lot of the American evangelical ones) they all seem to have a baby easily every year until around 45, which is a decade later than the supposed falling off a cliff fertility.

I think the 'cliff' doesn't really happen until about the age of 40.

And even then, that's just a general rule. Many women have babies quite easily at 40 and beyond, while others will struggle at much younger ages.

I know that but the post is about women's fertility and how it's generally assumed that if you're over the age of 37 then it's game over if you want a baby....

I really don't think there are a lot of women aged over 35 that are under the impression they have the same fertility as a 20 year old.
Women may be having children later but I think the vast majority are well aware that fertility drops with age, and if they really don't know this that is on the individual woman, the information is freely available to all

Mythought ·
I am not criticizing my friend or anyone. She told me she thought she'll be able to have children whenever she would be ready. She didn't care about finding a partner till mid 30s but started looking for a partner only when she had the urge to have baby

Well, whats wrong with her decision? Its her life. You are judging your friend for not seeking to have babies earlier. Why exactly do you want women to have children earlier, and whats it to you that your friend didn't? Are you somehow envious of her life and now in 'serves her right' mode?

Maybe your friend did make a mistake by waiting but, so...? & there's no guarantee she'd have conceived if she'd tried earlier anyway. & maybe she didnt want to

Your post reads really strangely, as if not from a woman's point of view. Honestly women can't win. Judged for waiting too long to ttc, criticized for conceiving too early.

I ttc for 2.5 years at 35 as well with nothing but failure. I quit trying and became pregnant rather quickly after that. Then pregnant again at 40, and I definitely wasn't trying for that one! I think it's more the individual womans health and genetics much more than age. I am also aware of a "going-out-of-business sale" that the ovaries go through shortly before the onset of menopause, where you can ovulate more than one egg at a time and more than once in a month. Two women in my family fell victim to this and had children after 45, so to me older women having babies is common and something to be feared honestly. To the next person, it may be shocking and unheard of🤷🏻‍♀️ After my last pregnancy my husband got the snip so I'm not taking any chances. If a dog has teeth it can bite sort of thing.

I remember reading that there isn’t actually much solid, good data and research into female fertility? Apparently the ‘over 35’ thing is based on old records from the 1800s or something.

A great many women would not have lived to reachmenopause in that period. So many dying in childbirth or from infectious diseases (no antibiotics).

Why just women? It’s just as common statistically for men to have the issues when it comes to fertility. I think you seem to have unusually clueless friends. Everyone I know is well aware fertility doesn’t improve with age. And there’s no guarantee

Yanbu. Ive been amazed at how unrealistic DH younger sister & cousin are about fertility in your late thirties/early 40s. They think its pretty much unchanged from your 20s and sort or refuse to believe that ivf only works 30% of the time, and less the older you get.

They are married, can afford kids etc but dont want to give up their lifestyle until as late as possible.

But of course they can start in their late 30s, loads of women do. The chances of experiencing infertility are higher but most women who try in their late 30s will ultimately have a baby.

I think most women are aware of the reduction in fertility with age and decide that the risk of reduced fertility is preferable to the risk of having a baby when they can't afford it or without a stable partner.

Agree. I’ve noticed more talks about peri-menopause in the past few years around 35 and getting rid of the term geriatric pregnancies. Recently, an article caught my eye about scientists only now starting to study the female body this year.

I agree that it is down to the individual woman what her chances are of conceiving after 35. I know several women who have conceived after 35. There has been at least 5 in my circle over 35 that have given birth in the past 9 months. 1 had their first and the rest already had one child.

Those who are having children later aren’t the ones who are being influenced by celeb mags. So for that yabu. But the general premise of women need to have children earlier yanbu.

What is it to do with you? I take it you are sat there having had the ideal life of children at the "right" time, well not all of us were that lucky. I'm 37 and expecting in a matter of weeks, it's completely dependant on the individual. If it's not something that affects your life, keep your opinions to yourself.