To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

Wasn't the baby born to a surrogate?

Or should I say, born and then taken away from it's mother and given to a surrogate?

If your fertility is within normal range (for whatever age that is), it just means that it will statistically take longer to conceive (and that is up to 2 years for 35+). If you have fertility issues outside of the impacts of age, they will very likely affect conception no matter what age you are. Obviously you don't want that fertility problem compounded by age, but that's another issue.

Based on that, I think YABN.

There is a lot of pressure on women not to have children when it is biologically best for them. My daughter is 19 and has endometriosis and has repeatedly had concerned about fertility scoffed at and ridiculed. The pressure is societal and financial.

Everyone I know who has started to TTC for the first time after 35 has done so because they haven't been in a life position (partner/finances/housing) to feel comfortable bringing a child into the world any earlier.

If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

And what is that better choice? Having a child while experiencing financial instability or with a non-ideal partner?

Very unreasonable.

https://theconversation.com/women-are-often-told-their-fertility-falls-off-a-cliff-at-35-but-is-that-right-189978

“A large study that followed women trying for a baby found the chance of pregnancy after 12 months was 87% for women aged 30-31. This dropped to 76% at age 36-37, and 54% at age 40-41.”

“So up to age 41, most women who try for a baby will be pregnant after trying for up to 12 months. But the proportion who don’t achieve pregnancy increases with age, and the drop in chance is more noticeable after age 35.
Unfortunately, because the number of chromosomally abnormal (aneuploid) eggs increase with age, the risk of miscarriage increases as women age. For women in their early to mid-30s the risk of miscarriage is about one in ten. This increases to about one in three for women aged 40-44 years.”

I don't think it helps watching TV soaps where women in their mid to late 40s seem to conceive at the drop of a hat.
Looking at you Emmerdale and Eastenders

I think it is well known that fertility declines after 35. However…. Many women do conceive healthy children after this age, and others struggle.

YANBU. It's called feminism. Get the other half of the population in to work to make money to then pay more tax which then gives more money to the greedy government. You do this by forcing women to compete with men, in the name of equality. You convince women that they can put off starting a family until later on when egg reserves are dwindling, egg quality is poor and when the body is less capable of sustaining a healthy pregnancy to carry to term. Compound all this with men and women not being interested in relationships and marriage, sky high divorce rates etc.

It's all just a total mess.

Lol no, no woman thinks they can have a baby whenever they want. Everyone knows a man basically can, but with a woman the clock is against her. What better choices are you referring to?

I think we are fed the lie that we can have it all. Equality in the workplace, equality at home, and that we can control our fertility. For many, it just doesn't workout that way.

@Concannon88 , but some women do think that way. If you are 22, you get the impression that 42 is fine for TTC for PFB.

@LakeTiticaca , in soaps there are generally very few teenage pregnancies but women in their 40s get pregnant after a ONS.

Maybe the message is not clear enough?

Possibly more likely though, is that circumstances do not line up these day for women to have children young. People need careers and 2 income households a fair bit.

I had all 3 of mine by the time I had just turned 27. Good for fertility, had uncomplicated healthy births. But, when my DD was born in 2015 life was affordable, I worked PT etc. Now my youngest is 4, COL has hit hard and I don't imagine many people in their early 20's will be thinking of having DC when they are struggling to get by.

The increase in waiting until mid 30's+ is likely due to necessity rather than preference. Obviously that's just one aspect though.

I think most women know that there is a time limit on fertility, and that whilst some still easily conceive later, the chances for most are fewer, may take longer, and has more risks involved.
I think we’re also at a time where women are concentrating more on their careers, finding the right man to have kids with, and with house prices and COL getting financially stable enough to have a baby takes a lot longer.
It’s difficult to balance the above with having a baby in your 20’s/early 30’s.

I think it must be very tricky for young women to get it right at the moment. Most are aware that fertility declines but getting housing and being able to afford children now isn't easy unless you are earning well. Even then a parent has to stop working or pay expensive childcare costs as society no longer sees having children a community thing but an individuals choice so doesn't support a parent at home in the early years.

Massively increased??

Source please.

I agree op. You only have to post on here "I'm 33 and my partner is hesitant to have kids. Should I leave and find someone I can have children with?" to see an flood of messages about women being able to have children at 40+ and that she has loads of time. I have comments in RL as I'm now facing divorce and passed comment that I was sad I wouldn't have another child. I got comments about how I have loads of time. I'm mid 30s. Even if I move in with a man in a year and get pregnant (which I wouldn't with a young child of my own) my chances of a healthy pregnancy are getting slimmer by the day.

Men have the luxury of time. Women can have it all but in a set time scale. I remember watching a Kathy Burke documentary and a woman on it said something that stuck with me women will never have equality whilst there is such a difference in men and women's fertility windows. Women are told to go to university, establish a career and have children but for many that's age 30+ already your risks have increased and your slipping into that vile term "geriatric mother'. (that's not me saying women shouldn't go to uni etc btw just pointing out it's a tough balance)

What's the alternative?
Women rush in to have a baby in unsuitable circumstances with unsuitable fathers
This happens too much as it is

I think the problem is that women are under pressure to establish a career, or get a job in which they earn enough to support themselves, a child and continue to pay their current bills, as well as at least half the future childcare costs, while all the time being aware the biological clock is ticking. By the time they've got themselves in a position to have children they're in their 30s and time is against them.

Unlike 50 years ago when one income families were the norm, starting a family in your early 20s is no longer financially viable for most. Doing so is likely to lead to financial struggles for a very long time as trying to establish yourself in a good job where you earn well enough is very much more difficult while juggling childcare responsibilities. By the time a young woman with children has the time and ability to do so, she struggles to get a foot in the door due to lack of experience. Just another example of the pressures, difficulties and choices women face that men generally don't even consider.

So while the media makes it appear women can have it all, something has to give.

IME most women, especially those without DC, are acutely aware that fertility falls after 35.

But most women want to be financially secure and in a stable relationship before having DC and it's unusual to be in that situation at 25 these days. It's also true that most women who TTC in their late 30s will ultimately have a baby, even if it takes a bit longer.

I spoke with a work friend yesterday who's 36 and wants a baby but is single and struggles with the dating scene. She doesn't have many great options really, it's difficult.

I’m desperately trying for a baby at 36. I’m not stupid I know fertility falls off a cliff at 35 but unfortunately it took me a while to meet dh, get on the property ladder. I certainly didn’t put off having children because celebrities had children at later stages.

I think perhaps 'Misled' is the wrong definition but on balance I agree with the sentiments in your post @Mythought .

I think from a purely 'factual' point of view, most people know that fertility does drop off after mid 30's.

However, there are many who were not in a position to have children earlier (e.g. met their partner in their mid-to late 30's or other similar reasons) and they want to be reassured that it is still possible for them to have a child. So they come onto Mumsnet ( there have been several posts about this, just recently) and other Social Media to seek that reassurance and they get it, in spades. Also reports of celebrities over 40 having their first baby adds further reassurance. Which is all fine and there are lots of 'older' mothers who have no difficulty getting pregnant.

However, all the reassurance for those who had no choice, also then impacts on those ( like your friend) who look at the pros and cons of having a baby when older and prefer to think along the lines of 'well I know it might be a problem, but it doesn't happen to everyone and it won't happen to me'. A lot of people, generally, tend to think a lot of things, not just pregnancy, are someone else's problem and not theirs. Until it happens to them. Because it's more comforting to feel like that than to worry about what might happen to you, personally.

My dm went through very early menopause at around 35 and didn’t get to have as many children as she wanted too.
From a young age she always instilled in me that if I wanted children to not put it off for too long as I may hit the menopause early too.

I'm 39 and had my 1st at 32 and my 2nd at 36. I have been pregnant 4 times and all 4 were conceived 1st month. I have had 1 loss and 1 termination. The last 3 times I have been pregnant have all been 35+. Not once was I classed as high risk being over 35 and that includes my bmi being over 30 with my last.

I'm sure most people know fertility drops with age, but I do have some friends not planning to start TTC until they are late 30s, and when I asked if they're worried about fertility issues, they quote people having children in their 40s and early 50s.
I have other friends in their late 30s and early 40s struggling with fertility currently too.
We're early 30s and not in a position to have children yet but very aware it's a ticking clock if we want to have them.

Me too! 25 years ago (before I had 1st DC), I was convinced that over age 30, it would take minimum 6m and probably more like 18m to conceive. After age 40, the odds were like, maybe 2% of successful conception, and even then the baby would probably have a chromosome problem.