To think women are being mislead that they can have children anytime when they want

[Mythought]

One of my friends started TTC at 35 with a new partner whom she knows for very short while only to find out her egg reserve is very low. She has been ttc for 2.5 years now. She was under the impression that she'll have DC whenever she'll be ready and want.
Similar has happened to other colleagues and friends of friends who started TTC later after 35. I think media gives false impression to women that they can have children whenever they'll want only leading to disappointment and people need to be aware of the biological aspects of fertility. Researches have shown that the fertility for women start dropping after 34 years. If more women were aware of this then they Will make better choices.

I tend to agree. I think some women do look at celebrities and think why not me. Diaz almost definitely had a donor as they often do.

I have a relative who kept quoting that she could wait a year or so at 39 to ttc because it wasnt her fault she only met her life partner then. Completely ignoring the time she wasted in her 20's and 30's with totally unsuitable men who she couldnt seem to dump. Needless to say she struggled massively.

You also see people on MN saying its fine at 40 plus. I waited until then and had three children in my 40's etc. We dont know who they are or if they are lying.

People believe what they want to believe and justify their decisions accordingly.

Well she's talking about the "more women" who need to be made aware. So "they" is correct. She's already aware so the "they" doesn't include her. Obviously.

I really can't see any incel markers in what she's said, it's just about good medical information in the public sphere.

No.

I think the misogynist message that age only compromises a woman’s chance of having a healthy baby whilst the reality of the poor quality of an ageing man’s sperm remains taboo is rammed down our throats at every opportunity. It is constant. If you’ve never seen it you just didn’t notice.

I recall one article of the dozens and dozens I saw when I was single and childless in my thirties actually described a woman’s uterus as ‘meant to be sleeping’ after a certain age.

Your friend is either stupid or lying to you.

Lots of people do lack intelligence or sagacity, though. They are still entitled to decent information and advice.

I don't believe for one minute that Cameron conceived and carried that child herself.

I am prepared to be flamed but I am willing to hear evidence to the contrary.

I naively thought after I started TTC at 29 being healthy and in my eyes young I would get pregnant relatively quickly.

I am now 32 and very much grateful to be pregnant with my very much wanted IVF pregnancy.

I honestly didn’t know much about fertility issues until being faced with them myself. Myself and my husband have had a few issues on either side but in my eyes nothing major but I don’t feel getting pregnant naturally would have happened for us let alone the pain mentally from going through this.

I do believe there should be more awareness out there and it shouldn’t just be assumed that if you can’t get pregnant you can do IVF or if you want to wait you can freeze your eggs. I feel like this can lead you down a path where you feel like you can wait until any age but this is unfortunately not the case.

As the actual process of doing these things is very tough and mentally very hard. And the money it costs as well for no actual guarantee you will get there.

The ‘fertility falls off a cliff post 35’ is so entrenched that post 40 abortion is in the rise as women take more risks due to assuming lowered fertility.

Women have had children post 40 for eons, in recent decades it’s been 1st child post 40 that’s unusual.

Both my grandmother had ‘menopause babies’.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10824709/Abortion-among-over-40s-on-rise-as-older-women-mistakenly-shun-contraception.html

Pretty embarrassing to start a thread generalising all women being as stupid as your mate, OP 😄

In some areas like mine, due to the average age of women having children in the area, they categorise you has high risk if you are over 40 OR after having at least one child you have not given birth in the last 8 years.

I have met some women who have had one/two children under 25 then waited 10+ years and had another one/two children. (And yes some with the same husband.)

Camerons first child was born via surrogate and I haven't seen anything to say this one wasn't.

I'm 42 and have always been aware that post-35 fertility decreases

Came on to comment, but this says it all really!
I know we can all have some funny knowledge gaps sometimes but this is really hard to believe.

The ‘fertility falls off a cliff post 35’ is so entrenched that post 40 abortion is in the rise as women take more risks due to assuming lowered fertility.

Women have had children post 40 for eons, in recent decades it’s been 1st child post 40 that’s unusual.

Those things aren't contradictory, though.

Statistically - at population level - female fertility does indeed plunge after 35.

That doesn't mean conceiving into the forties is vanishingly rare, or even particularly unusual.

You just can't guarantee that the women who want to get pregnant slightly later, will be the ones who are able to.

Maybe we need better "statistics for every day life" education at second level.

Women just need to understand what the statistics mean for their chances,

I think most people with common sense are aware how hard it can be to conceive, particularly in your mid to late 30's. I've always known even though my mother was well into her 40s when she had me.

I am sorry for your friend as struggling to conceive is heart breaking but it is just the way of things and it's not necessarily anyone's fault.

I'm sorry.

Unfortunately when people talk about IVF or other assisted conception they fail to include all the people who never conceive regardless of age.

It is always presumed on here that only age stops you having children and there are not other issues.

I don’t think it should ever be taken for granted.

i’ve known people start trying at 20, to find out the needed IVF, I’ve known people get pregnant first month at 39.
i’ve known people conceive first month for their first, but we’re not able to conceive a second.
i’ve known people get pregnant very easily, but not able to carry to term.

thing is you don’t know if you’ll have trouble ttc until you do.

Yeah I found the opposite. We assumed we would be less fertile in our late 30’s and so were a bit lax with contraception during the less risky days in my cycle. I’m very pleased to be cuddling DC3 but he was a bit of a surprise!

Yep totally got the same vibe.

I also assumed Cameron and her husband used a surrogate when I saw the news.

Women can find out all the info they need to make their OWN decision.

I’m not sure if any women have kids naturally in their 50s. I know Victoria Cohen Mitchell had one recently at 56, but she must have had a lot of help, egg donor maybe.

I'm sorry. I do realise we were very lucky x

Looking back through my family history, a number of women had babies into their 40s. Last one was 46. Of 6 female cousins born within a 5 year period, 3 of us have had babies in our 40s, so I think it's a bit more nuanced than either "you'll struggle after 37" or "you can have a baby at any time". I don't think women know enough about their family history or the impact of things like stress etc. on their chances of conceiving.

Well as a teenager or early 20s you are scared into thinking that it is extremely easy to get pregnant. At that age I wasn't aware the window for pregnancy each month was quite small. I have also heard v educated women say they will 'just freeze their eggs' and I think we are lied to about how much of an insurance policy this really is.

That wouldn't help.

I come from a family where many women have children in their 40s including mid and even late 40s. (Though unlike me it is their last one to two children not their first child.) However I have friends and acquaintances who come from families where women reach the menopause around 40.

I remember seeing an optician and she was shocked how old my parents were when they had me then shocked because I was pregnant over 40 with no assistance. She tried to make out my family were some freaks. There as her own colleague thought I was perfectly normal as it was normal for his own wife, who had their child over 40, and in his family.

I tend to agree. I think some women do look at celebrities and think why not me

Some might say that's natural selection at work.

She's 51.

There are some ethnic groups who do have children in their late 40s and even early 50s naturally. However they tend to have a lot of children not just one or two. (My SILs have treated them. )

I was on a flight recently and a woman tried to use the bathroom as the plane was preparing to land. She was told to sit down and she effed and blinded and ranted and raved. I felt bad for her but I also didn't understand her surprise that she wasn't allowed to use the bathroom as the flight was descending. Surely everyone knows that? Disappointed yes, but that level of entitlement was quite shocking.

Anyway, I digress. I always knew, from my teens, that I had a biological clock and it would start it's descent around my mid thirties. Anytime I read about a woman of more advanced years having a baby, I knew that it was most likely due to some kind of scientific intervention. Most 50 year old women won't find themselves pregnant through natural means. Even as a 16 year old reading Just Seventeen, I knew that this was an anomaly. I understood, even then, that these kinds of pregnancies are often the result of money and privilege.

At 38, my husband suggested we have our third baby. I told him we could try but it probably wouldn't work as my fertility had most likely declined a lot since we last had a baby. I wasn't expecting to get pregnant but BOOM!, was looking at 2 lines on a pregnancy test 2 months later. Everything was fine, so it can work out.

However it's important to accept the limitations as probable and hope for the best, rather than expect to fall pregnant naturally late into your 40s and feel crushed when it doesn't happen.