Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

Both parents are allowed to parent however they choose to and absent of abuse or neglect, it's nobody else's business. Only when the child expresses dissatisfaction on how their upbringing affected them negatively, can the parents reflect on choices that they made. A GP can feel that it's not fair all they like but all they should be focused on is being the best GP that they can be and supporting the GC.

I agree with you, and the bad behaviour is likely to be stemming from feeling rejected from the travelling parent. Selfish people won’t understand and be very defensive. But anybidy with a teeny bit of empathy will feel for the child.

Or, the child is a teenager, going through typical teenage stuff.

It sounds like this family are dealing with the split in an amicable way. Grandma needs to butt out.

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. – I think this sounds extremely unhealthy actually

Steady on! Whenever I’m on a rare trip without my daughter, I always wish she were with me exploring somewhere with me. I love travelling with her, we have a great time. It isn’t the slightest bit unhealthy.

Parent A is a bit of a shit parent.

I have a 14 year old and I wouldn't dream of going on holiday without them. In fact, my older DC want to come with us too. My DC never did Disney, or Club Med. We have taken them all over the world with us, and it has been a great experience for them.

Parent A CBA to put themselves out to include and educate their DC. They sound pretty selfish TBH.

I think going on holiday without children is fine.

However the situation your describing seems to be the mom swanning off with no regard for the child.

I have done child free holidays, but always make sure my child has a holiday too!

I don't begrudge parents taking holidays without children, and certainly on the weeks they are with the other parent, however I think it's pretty selfish never to take the child and they should include them in at least some of the trips

How is it reckless to leave a child with its other parent?

We went to Rome in February and left the kids with their aunt and Nan. Surely this is between mum and dad and as you’ve stated parent B is fine with parent A travelling. It’s none of your business at all.

My dad did this to me.
He effectively lived abroad about 3/4 of the year.
I did not care that he was abroad without me, it didn't even occur to me that it was an issue.
His spectacularly shit parenting however was very damaging.

The trips are a red herring - the trips are not the problem. They could be indicative of an uncaring or uninvolved parent however - but if the parent is involved, responsible, caring, then it doesn't matter .

No I def get the desire to share an experience with your loved one! And I love travelling with my loved ones.

But to say "never in a million years would I have wanted" (or "I wouldn't dream of going on holiday without them" like another PP) sounds unhealthy to me imho... Like you have to be joined at the hip with your child and have zero existence apart from them.

Like don't you have your own life, your own personality and desires, need a break from parenting/work/etc? Where do you draw the line... is it wrong to want a spa trip or cottage trip away then?

I like that as a teen, I saw my parents sometimes go off and do things (individual bucket list, couple trip, etc) on their own. We did lots and lots of holidays and trips together too!

I'm not a very "individual" person but I think it modelled the way for me to be my own person and enjoy myself too – travel with friends as a teen, go on international exchange trips in secondary school, go on some solo bucket list holidays as an adult when no one else had the time/budget, etc. I still go on holidays across the world with my own parents at least once, if not twice a year btw!

9 months is very different from a few weeks here and there like in OP's post...

Let me guess. It's not YOUR son/daughter going off on these long holidays?

Not really any of your business. You can disapprove all you like.

Obviously, it's not ideal for one parent to be going off on long jollys, but people do all sorts of weird stuff when it comes to parenting, and the kids generally turn out okay.
It sounds like said 14yo is doing what many also-very-normal 14yos are doing.

Are you even the OP’s daughter?! Why are you trying to act the victim for a thread that isn’t even about you? Screams of mental illness.

YABU. Parents are allowed lives and they're allowed to do things that don't revolve around their children.

Sadly not uncommon witty divorced parents suddenly gaining “freedom” now that they have guaranteed childcare for a proportion of the week. I think it’s really sad for the kids.

Well presumably the child needs to go to school and is in care of the other parent. What's the problem?

Are parents supposed to sit at home when their children are with their other parent? On the rare occasions I am without the children, I 100% make the most of having that freedom! Trips with children are restricted to school holidays. But trips without them can happen any time, and are often cheaper, and more enjoyable because they aren't child-centric.

Your "friend" needs to mind her own business.

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me.

There is no medal for being a martyr.

@HollyKnight do you take your DC on holiday as well. Isn’t part of the issue here that the child never goes on holiday with parent A.

Also OP has stated that parent A is going to be away for 9 weeks in a 13 week period. Not sure how that fits in with 50:50 arrangement, and there appears to be an assumption that other parent will take on the additional parenting load

This.

From the read of things, the only one seemingly unhappy is OP because of their own personal beliefs. If OP is that bothered, nothing is stopping them from taking their grandchild somewhere. My own in-laws take SIL’s children on weekends away.

The places OP has stated sound like bucket list destinations for many people, so I do think it is a shame the teenager is missing out on these experiences as she is at an age that she could appreciate the activities/places to see at these destinations and would always remember them. Yes, there might be some things the teen doesn't want to do...maybe museums... but somewhere like Florida, I can't think what a teen wouldn't want to do and they are tall enough for all the rides.

I personally wouldn't leave my child for more than a week to go on holiday and would definitely be taking my child on another holiday during the year, not continuing to go away myself.

I'm with the OP.

It is sad they aren't taking their child with them but at 14 school is really important and she can't be missing that much school.

Do you know all the circumstances? Why has this parent decided to travel so much so if a sudden? Are they ill and doing it while they can?

Maybe that parent is planning to fund a gap year for the child when she is older to see the world herself without her studies suffering.

She didn't say she never goes on holiday. Just that she hasn't this year, which is understandable because it's only April and the child has school. As for the 9 weeks in 13, well you wouldn't go all the way to Mexico for just a week. That is a once in a lifetime holiday. You make the most of destinations like that. I don't think there is any assumption re: the other parent. OP says the other parent is supportive of these trips.

Mexico isn’t a once in a lifetime holiday for many people nowadays. It’s just another holiday destination with beaches and AI hotels.

Weird flex, but OK. Meanwhile, in the real world, it's not somewhere the rest of us go to for a long weekend.