Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

The OP didn't actually say that Parent A never takes the child anywhere. She just said not on those specific trips.

dh went away for over two weeks for work and all of the kids definitely felt it no matter what age they were!!

It doesn’t matter which parent it is, the child will of course miss them, worry about them and felt left behind at least a little bit!

And I don’t think your friend needs to butt out, surely the secret to a secure child who has that much family is the family showing up and being there for them/ looking out for them. Maybe the parent is so caught up in a bit of freedom they’re not totally thinking how it will affect everyone

Yes you’re right not your place to judge. If you’re so keen for her to see the world why don’t YOU take her on holiday?

You’re right, it’s not your place to judge. Everyone gets on and nobody has an issue, apart from you it seems. You’re a grandparent, you have no rights or say over how your child parents their child. Keep your nose out.

I have no issue with parents travelling without children, but I DO take issue with one parent constantly booking holidays without the child and pleading poverty as an excuse for not taking child on ANY holidays.

When I was 14 my parents buggered off on an extended holiday for 6 weeks and left my younger brother and I with our aunt. They had a great time and we managed to survive completely unscathed.

A 14 yo is old enough to understand they've not been permanently abandoned. She'll be fine. This sounds more to do with your dislike of Parent A.

The way this is written I thought it was going to be a young child but 14 and left safely in the care of the other parent so what's the problem? 7 weeks out of 52 and if the teenager lives between the parents it's approx 24/25 days away from the child.

Whats the betting this is the mother going on holiday and being judged harshly for it? If the other parent had no issue then a grandparent has zero right to comment, never mind post it online 🙄🙄🙄

I've got 3 holidays planned this year without DC- 1 just me and DH and 2 just me and friends. Some people will think I'm a terrible mother for this, but I don't care. My children are loved, cared for and well provided for.

None of your business. At all.

My daughter's ex-h had two kids from a previous marriage and they did two long haul holidays e.g. Jamaica and Florida on their own, then a week in Spain or Majorca with the kids.
No-one seemed to mind, they also had a holiday abroad with their mum every year.

Lol yep thought it was mine!

the parent might not want the child to miss school and has the other parent to have the child while they go away, it’s not like they are being palmed off on randoms.

also if this is anything like my 14 year old they don’t want to do anything exciting, will go on holiday but moan about doing any activities.

think as long as the child gets to go away at least once a year I don’t see the problem

Why is this always said?

If I 'judge' (and yes, I do sometimes) I judge the behaviour of the person not their sex.

What teenager wouldn’t want to go to NYC, Florida, Mexico ?She wasn’t asked or considered. She was told Parent is going away . You will stay with other parent.

Parent A will be away for 9 weeks in the space of 13 weeks and I think it is poor . There I said it. Parent A hasn’t taken Child away but apparently is next year .

I am not understanding why people have children to then leave them at home and go off with their new partner to explore the world. Seems cold and cruel to me . It is almost like Grandaughter is seen as an inconvenience. I think she must be away she is left at home but has never said anything negative about Parent As holidays . Parent B fully supports A.

Do any of the people actually affected by this have an issue with it, OP? How is it actually affecting the teen's time with parent A?

You seem to be riled up by the principle of the thing more than anything.

Let me guess the parent travelling is mum and your ex daughter in law?
However your granddaughter has an another parent who is there for her. If she has a good relationship with the parent who isn't globe trotting I can't see an issue.
But the school issue needs working out and finding out what's causing your granddaughter school refusal.

I'm surprised at 14 that your GD isn't bothered, but then maybe she isn't bothered because she recognises that parent A deserves some time away or because she isnt bothered about spending that time with parent A?
My DC have a similar parent and they are very aware and complain about it.

“However it is not my place to judge”

…..but you are judging.

It wouldn’t be for me. By the time my ds3 was 14 the only nights he’d spent away from me was the P7 trip and two (separate) nights I had away for work but if both parents are happy with the arrangements then it’s nobody else’s business.

At 14, I think this isn't too much of an issue.If the child was young (maybe 10 or younger, and especially under 5) i think it would be very neglectful.
I once knew a girl who was always doing this, but her kids were alot younger.
She went the other side of the world and left her 3mo baby with grandparents!
I also knew someone who accidentally booked a holiday the same time as her daughter's birthday, and didn't cancel, so she and the partner were away for it! :(
Awful parenting.

I judge. And if you want the responsibility of parenthood, then you don’t recklessly leave your child. Once they’re grown up, go exploring then. Honestly wonder why some people bother.

And yeah, yeah, get your knickers all knotted over my comment. I honestly couldn’t care less.

Parents A and B don't pay enough tax.

In the last year
How many holidays has parent B taken child on?
How many hoidays has parent A taken child on?

It is selfish parenting, op. You’ll get a hard time on here for ever daring to question a daughter in law’s actions though - if this was written by an ex wife of a feckless husband she’d be getting much more understanding replies and probably told she was a bit of a doormat for putting up with it.

I don't think op has confirmed that parent A is her ex dil.

Does she go on holiday with Parent B?