Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

I think this is a very different scenario and few people would judge you for it - most would see your trips away for yourself as healthy for you and DS because intensive parenting can lead to burnout. IMO you deserve a break more than most.

For us no we never leave kids apart from once a year for our anniversary we go away a couple of nights and that's long enough for me

Personally if I only had my child 50% of the time I wouldn’t be wasting some of that time on holiday.

My mother had a new relationship and travelled for long periods, 3+ months at a time. I wasn’t as young as 14 but my DB was that age.

The coming and going, along with the very clear message of “I have a new life now to which you are peripheral” definitely made the whole situation difficult and damaging for us.

Any money on the fact you aren’t the parent of the jet setter

Also, some (but not all) 14 year olds are independent and to put it frankly, bloody miserable and hormonal.

I know a small handful who would waste the whole trip sleeping until noon and spending half the time on their chosen device. A good friend of mine has recently opted to go alone after 4 years of shitty trips now the child is 17.

Unless Parent B is palming off the extra care of their daughter on the grandmother, it is none of the grandmother's business.

Going on holiday multiple times for 2 weeks at a time, deliberately leaving the child out of trips, and presumably leaving them with the other parent beyond the 50/50 contact arrangement.
Kids aren’t young for long. Before you know it they’re doing their own thing.

But we don't know the daughter is being deliberately left out of trips. She may have been asked but preferred to spend extra time with Parent B.

Well, I'll judge for the rest of you that are so sanguine about it.

Would I go on multiple holidays a year without my kids if I could afford it? Yes. Would I go on those knowing I had no intention of taking my child away at all, even if their other parent would? No. I'm not a complete cow. I also enjoy spending time with my kids, unlike this parent it would seem.

I don't think it's internalised misogyny to say so, how fucking ridiculous. In fact, I think if it were clear it were the dad there'd be a lot of "well of course he can do what he wants but it seems mean" rather than a "you go girl, spend all your free time and cash on yourself" which some seem to have the attitude of here.

I also disagree that it's not the grandmother's business.

It seems pretty poor that parent A can't find a single trip that would interest both parent and child.

Well, Gran is interested in GD's wellbeing, so it is kind of her business. Yeah, Gran going in all guns blazing isn't going to go down well. However, it's great that GD has Gran as an extra adult to take an interest in her.

I had a parent who did something similar. I wouldn't have minded them taking trips away, but the whole message that they were having this while new exciting life, and weren't prepared to put effort in to share some of that with me was pretty shitty. And yes, I pretended that I was ok with it.

I think there is a child welfare issue here, concerning abandonment issues and mental health of the child going forward.

Child welfare is everyone’s business.

The child is with her other parent!

Theres a lot worse things a parent can do than ' go on holiday'
Parents have a rough deal these days

In my eyes theres only A Small window of a few years where someone can Travel. If someone has managed to accumulate funds and travel then good on them. As years go, by expenses increase , health gets worse, and its impossible to do. In 2 or 3 years the child probably will refuse to be seen in public with s parent as usually happens; all the while the parent is funding the whole existence of the child and probably first flat. Its refreshing to see parents enjoying Life.

The 14 year old is unlikely to want to go? Really? I think this is something parents tell themselves to make them feel less guilty for leaving the kids at home.

My DD19 and DD16 have never shown any sign of wanting to stop holidaying with us. I don’t know any teens that wouldn’t want to ‘explore the world’.

We’ve left our kids at home for the odd weekend here and there, but never at the expense of taking them away too.

The parent in the OP is not taking their DD away at all.

Sounds like my ex. Dd, 15, is only with him every other weekend and he doesn't even bother asking if it's OK for him to go away over those periods, I'm just told. This year he's away the entire school summer holiday with his wife and their kids. Next year they're considering moving abroad. My opinion was never asked and just assumed I will take on all the parenting responsibility. Of course I don't kick off as I don't want Dd to think neither parent wants her around so instead I double down on giving her what she needs. Parent A is the one ultimately missing out, as the child will be much closer to those she spends most time with.

It depends on the child

I am a stepmother and we booked to take my stepchild abroad with us when he was younger and he decided the week before going that he didn’t want to leave mum (this was after he had created and said he wanted to go away for two weeks because 1 wasn’t long enough) we lost a lot of money I am talking thousands therefore we decided we wouldn’t be booking to go abroad with him again, we now holiday with him in the uk and in places we can cancel last minute in case the same happens again

OP you could take your granddaughter on holiday 🤷‍♀️

Child abandonment? 🤦‍♀️🤣

My bet is on an ex-Mother-In-Law who was a complete pain in the rear when this couple were married, and I suspect "Parent A" is the former daughter-in-law who got sick of the interfering and poking at her parenting. AmIRight?!
Oh...sorry, was that not the question?! Everyone's fine with it, so keep your nose out!

I'd be willing to bet ANY money Parent A is the mum and granny is the dad's mother, and she's clutching her pearls so tightly at the very THOUGHT a mother might have any interests or time to herself outside her children.

I think it's unfair on the child.
It would be nice to do holidays with the child as well. They only have a few more years of the child caring and they aren't spending the time making memories.

You said twice it’s not your place to judge… so don’t! It’s nothing to do with you. Yeh it’s a shame your granddaughter misses out on holiday but that’s up to the parents to decide if they are ok with that which they obviously are

Oh wow! From this thread I've learnt I'm neglectful AND a "bad parent" - all because I don't sit and stare at the walls whilst dd12 is with her dad.

Shame on me, I shall get the sackcloth and ashes!

Truth be told I don't give a damn what people think about me travelling without dd.

I am the main carer. Her dad has her one night a week, every other weekend, and half the holidays. During the times she is with me I do everything for, and with, her. During the times she isn't with me I do things for me.

I refuse to allow people to make me feel bad about that. Neglectful? Hilarious!

Unless I'm supposed to do nothing except parenting that's a ridiculous statement.

I'm going away for the weekend this weekend - dd is with her dad for his Easter hols week. It's mine and dps anniversary, so we're going away.

Next month we're away for the weekend to see a band (dd would hate it and it's her dad's weekend), and four days in Serbia for DPs big birthday - again, during her dad's half term. In June, another weekend away to see another band - again her dad's weekend.

I'm also going to India for a wedding later in the year. That is in term time, so dd will stay with her dad. For a whole two weeks out of the entire academic year. How very neglectful of me.

I'm sure many people are thinking what an appallingly bad "neglectful" parent I am.

I'm sure some acquaintances also think so. I don't really care though, because I know what I DO do with DD.

This year alone:

January - a weekend in London for a Con and to see a show.
February - a week in India.
July - a weekend in London to see Stray Kids (even though I'd rather stick pins in my eyes)
Also July: ten nights in Rhodes
August: 7 nights at Butlins on our annual girls trip with my best friend and her dd.
October: another weekend in London.

Yep, because I have the AUDACITY to travel when I don't have my dd, I'm dreadful, bad, neglectful parent.

Or maybe people shouldn't make assumptions or judge.

So my dd's welfare is at risk because I went somewhere during her dad's contact time, and didn't just sit in my house? Even though she's there those dates regardless?

Didn't realise I had to be waiting at home, doing nothing, whilst her other parent, um parents, otherwise her welfare is at risk.

Are we supposed to do that when they're at school too? Never go for lunch with friends, never go for a stroll around the shops, never do anything other than parenting, even when they aren't with you.

Perhaps think the whole thought through before posting.