Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

@MummyJ36

but they’re with their other parent though? So surely their time is their own?

It often involves going on particularly nice holidays without the kids which I think (and know) hurts the child’s feelings. Of course life has to go on when they’re with the other parent but to go on multiple fancy holidays either alone or with a new partner doesn’t feel very nice for the child left behind. It’s a lack of shared experiences. Which some divorced parents don’t seem to care about.

I'm going to hazard a guess that comprehension wasn't your best subject at school... You complete misinterpreted the post and then used mental illness as an insult.

How embarrassing for you. Does the point often go sailing over your head little keyboard warrior?

If the child is unhappy or misses the parent terribly when they are gone, you are right to be concerned. If the child and parents are happy, stop trying to stir up trouble.

I didn't return to my parents after uni either and chose to live in a house share with strangers. Nothing to do with my relationship with them (which was very good), and everything to do with wanting to be independent!

my partners parents had numerous holidays and didn’t take him, it really affected him and he was resentful and felt like he missed out. Does the GD get holidays with parent A?

“Parent B fully supports A”.
Then what exactly is the issue?
Not your business.

Maybe because as a grandparent you can still be concerned about the impact the parents behaviour has on their grandchildren whether or not the other parent is ok with it. A parent going on holiday numerous times per year without their child for up to 9 weeks at a time can be upsetting for a 14 year old. I know 3 people whose patents did this and it had a negative impact on them and they all swore they would never do this to their children. Doing it once or twice, a weekend away once a year is fine but this parent is travelling the world not giving much thought to her child’s experience. 14 is when I needed my parents the most, you are still very much a child with emotional needs.

Judgemental much?
If the granddaughter is fine with this and would have been with parent B anyway/stays with B can be easily arranged, what's the problem? It's not healthy for teenagers to be attached to the hip to their parents anyway. A lot of parents work long hours or travel for work, you should be blaming all them too with this same logic.

The real question is why does it bother you. Is the granddaughter ok otherwise, doing well in life, happy/content in general, or are there emerging issues?
Or does this comparison give you competitive joy of feeling like a better parent because you didn't take time off? Or are you secretly envious that a parent can decide to have me-time when you were never allowed that?
Just something to reflect on.

Presumably parent A is travelling when the teen is scheduled to be with parent B.
Is it only acceptable for parent A to be sat at home alone during this time?

Presumably parent A is travelling when the teen is scheduled to be with parent B.
Is it only acceptable for parent A to be sat at home alone during this time?

This. I think in a shared custody situation one parent traveling can be very, very different from both one or both parents traveling in an "intact" family. In a 50/50 custody split each parent has 28 weeks per year without their child regardless of if they're sitting at home twiddling their homes or traveling. OP hasn't provided any ways parent A's travel schedule is effecting time they would otherwise be together. Of course it's possible parent A is traveling during their custody periods but we don't have any info to support that.

I don't think it's acceptable for parent A to not offer any of these experiences to the child. There's this air of "I'm finally free of this child / obligation" which is extremely hurtful. The great part about teens is that you can do interesting things with them. It's fine for parent A to travel without the kid, but they should also be travelling with her.

GD isn't fine, though. She's pushing back, and her school attendance is affected.

That may the great thing about teens, the drawback about teens is that they often don't want to do these things and can be pretty nasty about it. I would not pander to that.

Honestly, most people judge others to some degree. I don't understand why people make such strong judgements about those who judge - it's a natural thing. The real issue is what we do with those judgements and how it changes our interactions with that person, in my opinion. I can make a judgement and know that this is just my projection and thinking against my own set of values but it doesn't always mean the other person is wrong or bad. Sometimes you have to speak up though, tactfully, especially in situations where a child is being negatively impacted.

I think that it is poor form to go on several lengthy holidays without your child. It sends a very clear message to that child and will likely cause her to feel a sense of abandonment. I would feel the same regardless of whether this was the mum or the dad.

Finding one trip out of all of those that both parent and child have a shared interest in isn't pandering.

I don't buy this idea that all teens are always horrible ogres that bite your head off. I have moments where they drive me batty, but they are also super fun.

@AGoingConcern OP has said this year Parent A is going on holiday 9 weeks in 13 week period of time. 50:50 is usually one week on, one week off, so how does that fit?

Agreed. I'm sure there are some awful teens out there but the majority are lovely.

Its really simple.... it's not your decision. You are entitled to 'feel what you choose but ... keep it to yourself.

Stay in ur lane grandma its 100% not ur place to judge! No one has asked for your opinion so keep it to yourself. What works for the immediate family is none of your concern. Ur a grandma know ur place or it will end badly for you!

I’m only at mum level - of young kids - and I’ve never understood parents that want to travel without them.. I agree, what’s the point in having them if you’re gonna just dump them every few months to travel without them! I want to show my kids the world, I could never ever leave them behind while I travelled.. I seem to be in the minority though!

Wow.....where to start?!

Absolutely no where!! Thats my opinion. Yours isn’t needed. Thats the whole point of the post people thinking other peoples views on their lives are relevant…… they are not especially when not asked for. Its irrelevant to me whether you agree with me or not.

😅

to paraphrase Darth Vader.... "Your lack of self awareness is disturbing"!

So you can have an opinion but a concerned grandparent can’t? lol