Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

For someone who is supposedly not judging, your post is very judgy. The girl is with one of her parents, so what's the problem?

I did lots of work related travelling (obviously without children). Zero harm done. They were well looked after by their dad

I know it isn’t my place

BOOM. You're brilliant. You answered your own question. Your grandchild is with their other parent and is loved and safe.

Get a grip, get a hobby, and mind your own business.

It is quite unusual though, for anyone to take SEVEN WEEKS abroad on holiday in a year, let alone someone who is a parent taking those weeks without their child.

I don't think the OP would be posting if it was a few long weekend city breaks.

Lots of parents work away from home and are gone much, much more than seven weeks in total. Many parents have to travel frequently for their job. It's quite often the father and no one says a fucking thing about it. This particular child is with their other parent, not a nanny or family friend. There is no issue here.

Let me get this straight. The other parent isn’t complaining. The 14 year old isn’t complaining. The parents, while divorced and remarried, have a cordial relationship. The child is growing up in security with two loving families. . Your friend isn’t judging. But she got you to post her non-complaint on here.

Unless you have concerns about parent B's parenting, you really don't have a point.

I am also assuming parent B is your son.

From friends with teenagers I've heard that in the GCSE years the children don't want to go on holiday - they want to spend the Christmas and Easter holidays revising. So why not leave them with a caring Co parent and let them do their revision?
I do boring archeological holidays and my primary age daughter hates them! She likes centre parcs/ theme parks.

The vast majority of my time is spent in destinations and activities of my child's choosing but occasionally I go on holidays without my child. When I tell her I'm going to climb a mountain or look at some ruins and there is no gift shop/ soft play/ junk food available she definitely doesn't want to come! If the holidays are affordable and not at the expense of family holidays then I think the parent is actually modelling a healthy mindset

My guess is dear friend is the mother in law
parent A is the mum
parent B is the dad ( her son)

What if Parent A wasn’t on holiday but just had several two week gaps between seeing their child for other reasons ?

Surely the only relevant question is whether the GD minds the two week gaps, amd sees plenty of parent A in between. Whether parent A is at home or in another country is irrelevant.

Seems to me that the holidays are a red herring.

Child is clearly struggling but Parent A is more interested in their new life with a new partner with travel and fun than their child. Parent B seems to be the most involved and engaged parent, so if I was advising them I would suggest that Parent B applies for full residency, involving court if needed.

The child clearly needs strong ongoing and consistent support that the child isnt going get if Parent A is very obviously putting their own wants above the childs needs. The childs behaviour is likely to get worse unless Parent B steps in, says "Enough, if you are not prepared to be a decent parent then I am" and follows through.

This.

When I was 15, I went on holiday without either of my parents gasps.

My dad also used to take regular trips abroad for his business. Not a big deal.

Maybe this parent also doesn’t want to be trapped with the school holiday prices.

How did you manage to raise a reasonable, non-judgemental son who is an excellent father?

This is the real issue for me.

None of your business

Don’t know what said friend wants from this thread .

I'd be wondering how much quality free time parent A gets to spend with their kid if they have a traditional working set up and the entirety of their holiday leave is spent on solo holidays?

I'm assuming it's the mum because no one would bat an eyelid about a dad going away on long trips and leaving a 14yo at home.

I mean, dads can work away from their babies and tiny children for weeks on end and they're "providing for their families", but mums get it handed to them if they even think of taking a job which involves being away regularly.

Of course it's unusual. And suggests a warped sense of priorities. It's not remotely the same as going away for work to do it as a jolly. (And I wouldn't think it was great parenting to do that for work either tbh). Unless the child is being offered holidays and refusing to go on them, it is selfish behaviour.

Lots of us absolutely would "bat an eye" at a father taking 7 weeks of holidays without his dc.

My kids are the granddaughter in this situation. I say nothing but they definitely judge and judge hard.
Their Dad hasn’t found that out yet, but he will at some point.

It’s not 1950 anymore - what a load of garbage.
One of my closest friends has a very successful wife who’s a bit of a globetrotter while he’s more of a ‘home bird’.
Their kids are doing great as it’s all they’ve ever known and she’s a fantastic Mum regardless of physical presence.

When my DC are with my exDh for a weekend (alternative) I often go on city breaks DC wouldn't enjoy .
I also take a child free holiday, again a week of walking, culture etc which wouldn't be enjoyed. My ex DH also does this and we don't bat an eyelid as we know the other parent is capable and child is happy.

We both work hard in our jobs and as parents, I don't see a problem.

Not OPs granchild, she was 'posting for a dear friend'

It’s not great to CHOOSE to spend that much time away from your kids though, let’s be honest. I understand it’s some people’s jobs and then everyone realises the parents needs their job and the parent calls home and says I miss you! I love you! But if it’s just travel for fun, the parent calls home and says I miss you and the teen thinks yeah whatever CLEARLY not enough to think maybe I shouldn’t book multiple month long trips away, mum/dad is so full of shit.

Your being completely unreasonable, the child is happy, both parents are happy, let them do what works best for them