Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

This. There’s no evidence anyone is suffering, other than the ‘friend’ who asked the OP to post, and that person appears to be suffering primarily because s/he thinks this is All Wrong.

I am not certain the DD is having trouble because of the holidays. Could be other reasons. God knows there is plenty for teens to go off the rails these days.

I agree with you, and the bad behaviour is likely to be stemming from feeling rejected from the travelling parent. Selfish people won’t understand and be very defensive. But anybidy with a teeny bit of empathy will feel for the child.

Lots of anti-MIL posts here lol !

They don’t seem to consider the needs of the child … it’s just, “ let’s get the boot into the MIL”🙄

Almost a cert that absent Parent A will be causing issues with dc, despite dc putting on a brave face.
Feeling unloved at very least. Long term issues at worst.

OP is right to be concerned. This is not Parent A taking an occasional holiday alone or having to work away.

They’re actively choosing to spend long periods of holiday time away from their dc and from the sound of it dc was never offered the chance to go with them, even once !

So those posters saying dc probably wouldn’t want to go anyway, are talking nonsense.

I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy

Correct. Mind your business.

Oh shit, are you my ex's mum? 😂

I go on holiday a lot without my kids, who would rather stay at home than come with me. Their Dad picks up the slack while I'm away. I pick up the slack when he goes away. I take the kids away too but not for long periods.

And I was also that child and I would have rather peeled my own face off and ate it than go on holiday with my parents and their new partner. Which is why it is important to understand how your child feels about this. They could be perfectly happy about the situation and would rather spend time with parent b and friends, or they could be harbouring resentment. 14 is a prime age for acting out anyway.

Yep ^

Genuinely are people saying that at 14 they wanted to go on holiday with their parents? Because I remember that when I was 15 I outright told my mum that I was done with family holidays and I never did another one again. Saying that though my BIL loves family holidays and always has done and still goes on holiday with his parents. So each to their own I guess but I wouldn’t presume that the girls problems are due to not going on holiday with her mum.

@gettingbackonit23 true, they may not be caused by her mum holidaying without her but the fact the parent is saying it’s their time now and choosing to leave child for extended periods be cause they want to have fun will have an effect. And you’re right-kids are different-we enjoyed family holidays for years-we chose places where teens could have fun too and even now they’re in their twenties, we still enjoy family holidays. And we’re a blended family.

Completely depends.

Does the 14yo child WANT to go on the trips? Or is it a case that she'd rather stay behind with friends? Is the child happy and content with parent B whilst parent A is away?

Does parent B take holidays with the child as well, or spend quality time with the child?

Personally I wouldn't want to go on long trips without my dc. I like them to explore with me. But sometimes teens don't want to go and if they are safe and happy with their other parent then where's the problem?

Although, some parents can just be shit parents. I have a relative with a child and neither of the parents ever take the child away anywhere. They each go off with their new partners and leave the child with grandparents. Often left for 2 weeks without even appropriate clothes.

12 months ago I would have said it was unreasonable and they should take her on some trips. However my step kids are now 13 and 15 and my god they can grumpy these days. The last 2 trips their moods have definitely affected things. The first wasn’t too bad, though the luxury 3 bedroom apartment was clearly not good enough for them 😑. The second trip to in-laws holiday house they actually spoilt a bit by refusing to do pretty much anything. The last day we actually just left them at home on their phones rather than forcing them to come and listen to the attitude. By the way their dad completely agrees with me, I’m not a horrible step mum.

Love it when people say “lm not judging” and then are really judgey. We all have opinions and thoughts about other people’s parenting -lm sure people have thoughts about your friend’s parenting and some of them will be negative. People can have there own lives and would a 14 year old really want to go on these trips anyway?

YANBU. Poor kid just feel so rejected

My father often jets off to Morrocco without me too OP. It sucks, but so what?

Eh?

14 year olds are not doing GCSEs and A levels.

As for "I think that parent A seems detached from child" - is that coming from the "non judgemental" grandparent, or you as friend of non judgemental grandparent? You need to get a hobby.

??? You are an adult, I presume.

Rather jealous of parent A's life!

I know it isn’t my place to judge

And yet here you are, doing exactly that.

Yes, but going on holiday without your child is hardly child abuse. It is precisely this type of Mum shaming that makes the job so much harder.

OP would you even blink if the father of this child went on holiday without her? It's such a double standard.

Person A is obviously the mum. As no one would judge a father for going on holidays without their child.

You Your friend needs to look at addressing their internalised misogyny.

This.

It’s shit parenting. Sadly it’s common, and this kind of behaviour is often supported on MN unfortunately. But the simple fact is that it is bad parenting, whatever anyone says.

I think it's shit parenting - if you have a child you should be fully involved in their parenting and should include them in some of your travels.
It's not comparable to travelling for work.
OP is right - the parent sounds detached and as if they believe parenting to be optional.

Whoops i replied to the wrong thread.