Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

But do you go away for 4 weeks, 3 weeks and 2
weeks at a time - whilst exams are
on.
Explaining to your child - It’s my time for me to have fun now - you can stay at home and get on with it !

i think it’s that parent A seems so detached from the child.

Hmm. Child free holidays are one thing, but this really smacks of a patent that's loved up in a new relationship, and this is taking complete precedence over the child. Yeah, I'm sure that the kid won't want to come on all the holidays, but to not find at least one that the kid can/and will want to come on is poor.

YANBU to think this parent A should be sticking around longer to actually help with parenting of their own child.

If they wanted kids, they should be there for them until they are 18 at least and then bunk off.

Parent A sounds very selfish imo but lucky that patent B is ok about it.
However, it wouldn’t surprise me if the child gets abandonment issues as they get older.

I assume that parent A will make payments to parent B for child maintenance while they are away ?

Wow a total of seven weeks away from a 14 yo; that’s a lot. My dc would have absolutely hated that and yes they loved going on holiday with me (now 15 and 17). I do think it will be having an impact.

however, there’s nothing you can say, just stay there as a stable supportive presence.

While I don't think it's a great thing to do in this situation it really is none of your business. The child is safe with the other parent, not home alone. There's nothing you can or should do about it.

Christ they are a shite parent. I’d be hoping for the teen go live with parent b full time.

There is nothing more damaging than having a parent who clearly doesn’t love you or put your first. Parent A should be ashamed of themselves.

Was parent A the one who was doing the bulk of the small child parenting?

does / did parent B ever go away without the child? What was parent B like when the child was small?

When I was 14 my dad took a job on the other side of the world. I saw him once a year initially, then more frequently ( when he didn’t have to pay!)

i think a previous poster nailed it when they said that the family adapts to this dynamic and the child adapts and can live life, breezily without that parent everyday. The parents reaps the consequences ( if they care) of their decision.

Tbh, when i went on holidays with ex and my daughter was same age, she never wanted to come on holiday!! I would say youll miss all of this (lists all amazing things there)...paris? No... Hawaii? No...prague? No...etc..she did come with us to places like lindos, Rhodes, turkey, Krakow etc. i even asked her if she wanted to choose a holiday ..no!!so sometimes its because they don't want to go.

I'm judging to be honest. Regardless of gender.
As both a stepchild and a single parent, when you split up, your number one concern is to try to ensure that your child is not at a disadvantage to children who's parents are together. I'm sorry but I don't know any parents who are together but one parent takes 3-4 long trips away without the rest of the family if not for work purposes. We're not talking a week a year or a one off trip to China.
It would be considered a complete burden on the person left behind. Not to mention the impact on the child. I dare say they miss the other parent when they are away. Also finances. These don't sound like cheap trips.
There are parts of any holiday which a 14 will enjoy. I can't imagine how I would feel at 14, eating cornflakes in rainy England and seeing my parent in Costa Rica, stroking sloths (not a euphemism). She should be going on at least half of them.

And yes, having children does shit on your travel plans. That's why most of us parents have to drink our way through Disneyland.

I think it's out of order.
If I could afford one holiday per year it would include my children. If I could afford 2 then I would consider one with them and one with friends/ a partner. Yes it's fine to travel with others but it's selfish to always do it without your children. There needs to be a balance otherwise the children will feel rubbish and you have missed that opportunity to have that experience with them.
This is the first year I don't have the money to take my 15 year old away so I hoped his dad would take him as he knows the situation but no he is going to Hawaii with his partner. He has never ever taken our children on holiday. (One has now moved out which is why I now only refer to one). I think it's fine he is going to Hawaii but I think he should also something with our child even if it's one night away as it upsets our child that his dad only seems to care about taking his partner away and not him.
I'll take my teenager next year as a priority and he has only missed one year but I think someone's priorities are seriously messed up if they always prioritise others to go on holiday with rather than their child.
So as a grandparent I wouldn't say anything but yes I would judge and I would also see if I was allowed to take the child away. Even Eurostar to have an overnight trip or something like that to try and make the child feel better and to have an adventure.

I go away once a year without my child while they are with their dad. They hate flying and travelling and it aggravates their anxiety. They refuse to come. They spend a week with their dad and have a great time. Then we have a weeks family holiday in the UK with no flying involved. Keep your judgy pants to yourself OP - different families do what works for them.

I'm guessing that this is your grandchild's mum @Pinkpantsplesse . I don't think anyone would bother to pass comment if it was a dad.

@UngratefulOldCabbage with respect, once a year is not 3-4 times for two weeks at a time without the child being consulted.

You haven't said what the daughter's take is on these trips. And do they happen on the school holidays?

I bet you anything it’s the mum who’s travelling and you’re the mother of the dad. I doubt you’d care at all if it was the other way around. I also bet you anything that you DO make your feelings clear in various passive aggressive ways.

Maybe, just maybe, child is in school when parent is away? You also realise that nuclear families dont always have the children on holiday. Its none of your business, all this faux sympathy, you dont feel sorry for your granddaughter, you're just taking the opportunity to criticise parent that isnt your child .

"Posted on behalf of my dear friend"

🙄🙄🙄

I was this child. It made me feel unwanted.

if your son went away on business trips that would be ok though? You don’t like the mum and her behaviour but it’s none of your business.

Just asked my own DD what she thight of my frequent archaeological trips. She says "Well I didn't want to come to Angkor Wat. I was in school. And I didn't expect you to wait till I was 18". Now that she is grown I am glad I kept up my own interests. I am on another thread where women say they have no idea what to do now they are empty nesters, because they never had any hobbies or went away without DC.They feel completely bereft.

I didn't go during exams or tense times.

Perhaps they parent better with these breaks.lucky them

I couldn’t have gone on long jollies if my kids were dropping school and having problems. Teenage time is hard and teens need all the love and support they can get while being gently eased into independence. That means having parents around. There will be plenty of time to travel when the child is grown. And a middle way is there-why not take your child away sometimes? The parent is running the risk of making their child feel unwanted and rejected if they’re giving the impression they can’t wait to be off travelling with their new love.

You ANBU. And for those posters saying it’s none of your business? Ridiculous attitude. If something is happening, eg illness, behaviour problems, bad times-of course family members are concerned, want to help and do their best. Of course a GP is going to be concerned if a beloved GC is struggling and one of their parents keeps talking about me time and planning long holidays. If that were my daughter or son, I’d speak to them about maybe postponing the big travel and supporting their teen.

As you said, none of your business. Keep out.

But if it’s so terrible and the GD is suffering, why is the other parent not fussed about the holidays? Doesn’t add up.