AIBU to let my Autistic dd spend the majority of the Easter break at home not socialising?

[Sfuandtired]

My 12 year old DD is autistic and currently on her 2 weeks Easter holiday, I’d mentally planned a few days out over the break, dd has agreed to two but other than that has asked to spend the majority of this time at home relaxing and “ avoiding people “
She’s happy in herself, communicative with the family but doesn’t really want to do much other than play on her iPad on roblox or watch Tiktoks
she also FaceTimes a close friend daily. AIBU to go with what she’s asking? It seems almost irresponsible crap parenting to let her sit around not doing much, but not sure if I’m getting swept along with the social media ideal of having to go on lots of days out etc? But then maybe what she’s asking is what she needs to do? In order to recharge/relax? Thanks

Decompression is so important for autistic teens. We will have a lot of screen time over the break - but still some limits because he finds it difficult to manage himself and gets dysregulated if he’s on too long. We’ll take some long walks and I’ll listen to some monologues on his current obsessions. He’ll stay up
late reading and drawing while the house is quiet and sleep late.

The Easter Break isn’t quite long enough but in summer, after a couple of weeks of lowering demands, his chronic skin picking will have decreased and he’ll be emerging from his shell, and might join in with whatever household chores or gardening I’m doing, and take an interest in my side of the conversation. He might even be in the mood for a trip into town to visit the Lego store. He’ll be up for a movie night with the family.

Trust your dd to show you what she needs.

With respect, what is reasonable is not what you or your kids enjoy or what you decide you should enforce in your family, given the ages and specific profiles and needs of your children.

What is reasonable is what OP's DD needs, the specifics of what DD is recovering from in the school term, her age and capacity to tolerate demands to participate in various things which may be difficult to experience, and respect for her need to spend as much time as possible feeling happy and regulated, and her growing autonomy as an almost teenager.

My non autistic teens would love to do this so go with her

It is absolutely fine for anyone to be peaceful in their holidays!

i think a variety of activities is healthy - exercise, cooking and reading books etc. Doesn’t need to be sociable if they don’t want that.

I am not happy if my children spend hours on screens. But it is perfectly normal and fine for them to have lie ins, stay in their pyjamas and generally rest and recuperate. School is exhausting and they need to build up their reserves for next term.

Haruka OP asked nothing about providing unrestricted screen time, nor suggested allowing screen time to the exclusion of all else.

The AIBU was about only scheduling two days out. Yet, in your own words, you are siding with those saying OP is being unreasonable!

I'm also autistic and will intentionally set aside time with no plans. That doesn't mean I'm sat on my arse all day on screens. Some days it might (I should be so lucky!), some days I will be fairly busy and active. Similarly, if I tell you what activities I want to do or enjoy doing, it doesn't mean that's all I do with my time.

The point here is about giving OP's DD sufficient time, freedom and autonomy to decompress. That is the immediate wellbeing priority and what the absence of planned day trips for much of the holidays affords. You clearly get this part. There is no need to make it about screen time.

You have to parent the child you have, not worry about what other parents are doing. They're not in your situation.

For us it's all about balance. My 10 year old Autistic DD needs quite a lot of down-time in the school holidays as she's exhausted from masking at school but she also craves social interaction at times. Screen-time can help her to regulate, but too much has a negative impact on her behaviour and sleep so we've learned we have to set limits.

We do trips out and playdates because she wants to do and she definitely enjoys it at the time, but she badly needs time to decompress afterwards or we all suffer! So we always factor that in to our plans and for us a "day out" is usually getting to an attraction for when it opens (she's an early riser) and then coming home early so she can chill. For example, tomorrow I'm taking DD and her best friend out to do an activity for a couple of hours in the morning so we've deliberately kept the afternoon free. She will probably spend it doing a mix of gaming in her bedroom and lying on the sofa watching crap on Netflix, and that's fine. If she wants to go for a walk or do some baking we will, but I certainly won't push it.

In an ideal world I'd like her to get fresh air and exercise every day, but if she requests a pyjama day then i'll always allow it because I know it means she really needs it.

Gameplay, great, but TikTok not so much, she would be very vulnerable to some of the conspiracy weirdness

I'm assuming you know precisely what diagnosis this person has, and how they present every day. I'm also assuming you know all their difficulties, and the strategies their parents have tried to use. I'm also assuming that you are an expert in all types of autism, ADHD PDA and other related presentations.
After all, making a comment about somebody you know whose son plays games in their home and is 35 and relating this to every autistic and ADHD youngster who is still at school would be absolutely criminally stupid to do, should you not have all this expert knowledge and experience……..