AIBU to let my Autistic dd spend the majority of the Easter break at home not socialising?

[Sfuandtired]

My 12 year old DD is autistic and currently on her 2 weeks Easter holiday, I’d mentally planned a few days out over the break, dd has agreed to two but other than that has asked to spend the majority of this time at home relaxing and “ avoiding people “
She’s happy in herself, communicative with the family but doesn’t really want to do much other than play on her iPad on roblox or watch Tiktoks
she also FaceTimes a close friend daily. AIBU to go with what she’s asking? It seems almost irresponsible crap parenting to let her sit around not doing much, but not sure if I’m getting swept along with the social media ideal of having to go on lots of days out etc? But then maybe what she’s asking is what she needs to do? In order to recharge/relax? Thanks

Has she tried SIMs? My DD has started playing it and even I can se why it's addictive - you get to design a house and the people that live in it and what their personalities and interests are and then watch them live in it and steer their lives! Really fun and more involved and wholesome than TikTok or similar x

it is absolutely the reasonable and correct thing to let her relax. She has articulated her needs clearly and this a hugely healthy step for an autistic person.

Please don’t attempt to push her boundaries as some PP suggest by requiring activities to those you have already agreed.

You’d just be teaching her that her needs don’t matter and that it’s ok for people to expect her to damage herself to increase their comfort.

Thatbis a message autistic girls get repeatedly and it is so, so damaging for them to carry that through life and so, so difficult and painful to undo as conditioning.

How absolutely boring and strange. No exercise, no sunshine, no sport?

She's 12, not 72.

And whats the alternative? A meltdown as result just to please others? No. Autism is hard work for these kids...they have to navigate school, outside, etc and its very hard on them... during school time. On Holidays ...if they want to relax and feel stable..if that means staying at home..so be it

Both my children have ASD. They both really need half terms to recharge. We go out a couple of times, but other than that, we are at home. We limit time out at weekends also, to help them cope with the school week.

😂Do you own a teen with ASD?

No! He doesn't like insects (summer) . Heat. Holidays. Food that isn't one of 4 different choices. People. Anything requiring flexibility.

He does like writing stories and plays and playing with his lego and talking to his friends while playing computer games.

I think I would encourage a bit of exercise/outdoor time as well but that’s it

How absolutely normal for an autistic teen.

He is likely recovering from massive sensory overload and has shut down. It’s probably the only way he can cope the rest of the time without imploding.

Calling him boring and strange is quite ableist.

@Loubelle70 you articulated it better than me!

Tbh, I could encourage these things until the cows come home, doesn't mean it will ever happen.

I have a NT child also so I see the stark contrast in attitudes.

When my dd was in school she couldn’t cope with anything outside of that, even a 20 min dog walk, getting dressed, anything.

school is a LOT for an autistic teen. Doing absolutely nothing and hiding away is not unhealthy, it can be essential to recalibrate.

Agree with this - limits on screentime should be a thing for all 12 year olds. Tiktok and roblox being a small part of the holidays is fine, and avoiding large crowds to allow her to decompress is fine, but two weeks on the iPad isn't.

Baking, board and card games, nature walks, sorting out the garden, painting, knitting, sewing, drawing etc are all great substitutes for ipad time, but don't involve loads of people.
I'd also recommend making sure she gets outside for an hour every day, and does 30 minutes of gentle exercise - all great for mental health and general wellbeing. Could also consider things like geocaching.

Could you also suggest that she maybe invite facetime friend over for a few hours one day? Feels like that would help towards a good balance of stuff in person v online things.

How absolutely weird that you don’t understand that different people have different needs and preferences.

Don’t have any experience in this area but I think Yanbu. It sounds like a nice idea to let her have some R&R time!

If she starts getting bored maybe some low key trips out or walks might be nice?

Thank you all so much for the replies, it’s put things into perspective and helped me to realise that it’s ok to let her do what she needs to do.

Have you got one or is this a hypothetical position?

So autistic people are boring and strange? Or they do boring and strange things?

Or maybe some people are just ableist and close minded, but hey, it’d be a boring world if we were all the same.

My 14 year old is the same, he is asbergous, he will come with us to a water park an out for food maybe twice through the holidays but other then that will choose to stay home an be on his game an with the cats in his own space. Used to bother me alot but I'm ok with it now because he's happy at home, an i do think we are made to feel like we have to have plans every day of the holidays I am taking a tip out of his book this half term an chilling ABIT

@PassingStranger I'm autistic , and before my children were born I'd spend most of my days off of work at home alone , eating takeaway food and watching tv/reading. I actually felt like my head would explode if I didn't allow myself that break. Sometimes we need space. That can mean gaming , reading , writing , whatever. We're not strange , we're overwhelmed.

Unfortunately this is a recipe for overstimulation.

No, you are not being unreasonable. My DS could not cope with too many days out. He needed down time in the holidays.

Rather than doing full days out, would she be OK with more days out, but strictly only for a couple of hours? DS was OK with a couple of hours first thing - get into our nearest town at 9, then Lego shop, book shop, coffee shop and leave by 11.00, when it was starting to get busy. Or get to an attraction as soon as it opened, and do a couple of hours. If we were home late morning/early afternoon, then he still had a stretch of time to do his own thing and he was ok with this.

Even now, at 22, he still likes to plan his time so he is not anywhere too busy or for too long.

Op I love that your child feels they can express their needs to you.
Please don't doubt yourself. One of the best words you can get rid of is the word ‘should’ when it doesn't make sense. There is absolutely NO reason your child “should” be doing anything in particular that would cause more aggro/stress during a 2 week school holiday.
Let them rest. If you're not going out, they don't even need to get dressed.

Life moves so fast and is so stressful for many ND schoolchildren. Slowing down (or stopping) when it won’t harm them is a great idea.

It’s fine. My ND uni child has been back since Sunday and has only been out the house today for a walk with me! She needs time to decompress and has said as much. Will see a couple of friends in next few days and that’ll prob be it. She has a v busy life at uni and uses home time to recharge. She is doing some crafting and is happy, and it’s nice to have her around the house.