For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

Maybe he's scared for her undergoing what he thinks is a major op, or that he might faint even though he's at her head end. Who knows, has he given a reason.

Her vagina, her choice.

But

doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman

Whilst my actual sections were pain-free the recovery from both were the most painful experiences of my life. Including post-op complications and wound infections, I was in severe and very significant pain for several weeks.

Unless it’s absolutely medically necessary you should not be having a caesarean.

It is major surgery - they had to lift my intestines out to get at the womb and DH witnessed this. My womb also tore straight up the middle so now I have no option but caesarean in future. And trying to recover after major surgery with a newborn is not easy - at all - by contrast to a vaginal birth. Barbaric experience.

Baby is exposed to bacteria in the birth canal that prime the immune system.

Overall, even though painful, I think you just have to think of Mum and baby’s long term health.

My dm, a retired midwife, was ministering to a lady who was in a lot of pain during labour.
Her dh said to his dw ‘come on, it’s only natural.’
My dm replied ‘so’s dying but it’s not very pleasant is it?’

No uterus no opinion.

However having had both, C-section was waaaaay more painful.

I think he's well within his rights to advocate for a vaginal birth as the lower risk option (and the one that is best for baby) BUT insist, no. Absolutely not

He’s not the one giving birth, it’s not his choice to make because it’s not his body. (Doesn’t sound like the mum to be is necessarily making the best choice either, if she’s just trying to avoid pain!!)

My c section recovery was fine and not painful, but my sister has had decades long problems and a recent horrible operation for her prolapse caused by 'natural' childbirth.

If you think that then you are quite uninformed.

Her body, her business; her consultant/clinical team’s advice, not his business.

When men start having to labour and go through childbirth themselves, they can get to decide how said labour and childbirth is going to happen for them.

Until that day arrives, they get to be supportive of their partner's decision and hold their hand but have no further say in how the baby is born.

I'd recommend getting one of those period pain machines (not sure if it's actually a TENS machine) but whatever the thing in the social media posts where the blokes wear these things and the pain goes up to 10 - get the bloke in this situation to wear one and see how he feels after about level 5 or 6 and without pain relief and see if he changes his mind.

Bacteria in birth canal can include group B strep which causes meningitis and is leading cause of neonatal deaths, so that’s a stupid argument.

Well for many women that is the case, hence the high number of elective sections that take place after traumatic vaginal births.

And trying to recover after major surgery with a newborn is not easy - at all - by contrast to a vaginal birth.

That depends very much on the type of vaginal birth. Additionally, a significant minority of women who attempt a VB will have a section anyway, just a more hurried and risky one.

Don't blame them. There's not a man alive who would squeeze a baby out of his chuff instead of a nice neat pain free op.

You can ask and then put forward reasons why your requests should be considered but they will discuss it and then I think are supposed to refer on if mother insists but often presented like there not a choice.

As I understand it, they put you under anaesthetic for the procedure.

It's rare to be put under for a c-section - all of my friends who had them were awake.

From friends planned c-section less stressful than emergency ones - recovery varies a lot some recover very quickly others have complications years later - but recovery from VAB can vary as well.

Prior to kids I have very painful periods and had GP insist I just must have a low pain threshold - honestly my labours were straight forward and I was offered little pain relief and most of the labour was comparable - so it was bullshit I had a low pain threshold.

What a fabulous response from your mother to that man. 😃🤣

I hope that shut the misogynistic twat right up.

There are many perfectly good reasons for people choosing elective sections.

But if they are choosing it because they want "less hassle" then they are uninformed. Its certainly not "less hassle".

I'm 58. I had a c section with my first baby. He's now 31. I had a lot of pain afterwards. The scar was very large at first. You have to be shown how to cough because trying to cough normally is excruciating. Peeing is painful. Really painful. I have had problems with my bladder ever since. C section is never,ever the easy option.

WarshipRocinante, yes there are equivalent studies showing that midwives are more likely to favour vaginal birth.

It makes sense: midwives are the experts in normal birth, so see many lovely and straightforward natural births. Obstetricians are the experts when something goes wrong, so feel more comfortable moving straight into what they know about. Neither is wrong.

From a clinical perspective, there is a kind of order of merit: straightforward vaginal birth followed by planned CS followed by unplanned CS followed by a vaginal birth where things go awry. But women need to choose what will make them feel most safe and in control, understanding that no birth is ever wholly predictable.

@LucyOriellsHat I had an elected section too, best decision I ever made, good luck!

The NICE guidelines say that women are entitled to choose a C-section, not just request one. You can request anything you like but you're entitled to have one if you want it.

You can expect that your consultant or midwife will talk you through the options and test your reasons for wanting one but if you want a C-section you are entitled to it.

It's absolutely none of his business how his wife chooses to give birth. The one who's carrying the baby is the one who gets to choose how to have it.

Not unreasonable in the slightest as long as he's a seahorse.

Otherwise this "lovely, sweet guy" is kind of medically gaslighting and emotionally manipulating his vulnerable partner. He needs to respect her wishes. He's massively out of order here. Being fearful of birth was the reason I had a section and the fact my dh was 100% behind me meant so much and helped me feel safe. I'm so sad your friends birth partner doesn't see the need to advocate for her right to bodily autonomy..

I’m willing to bet that this “sweet guy” with his “romantic notions of what’s best” ain’t so sweet behind closed doors.

My money is on “controlling arsehole with a thin veneer of Nice Guy”.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience, it sounds awful.

But I know also people who had horrendous experiences with vaginal births.

I know people who have experienced both types of birth and say that they would always choose a C-section if they could (and vice versa).

The important thing is that it is the woman's right to make an informed decision and it is one thing that is really, utterly, nothing whatsoever to do with men.