For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

Two words, second being "off" - her choice of verb.

I had group B strep. If vaginal bacteria was so good I wouldn't have been given antibiotics before the start of labour.

😂😂😂

This 🙌🏻
Until baby comes out of him, he does not get a say how it comes out

To be fair - I can see why he would rather his wife not have an unnecessary major surgery with weeks and weeks of recovery and pain when there’s no medical need… I know every woman is entitled to their own birth preference but there is a reason why natural births are the preferred option. Having a low pain threshold isn’t gonna help her much after a section (I’ve had both) so maybe he’s just trying to put forward a case for a natural birth for her sake, when you’re pregnant and scared of labour you’re not always thinking logically!

Yeah he can fuck off with his insistence can't he?

However, if he's truly lovely has he read csection horror stories and is terrified?

Your outrage which doesn't seem to be based on any actual research or facts just a belief elcs costs significantly more (it doesnt) vs the opinion of hundreds of experienced medical professionals that went into researching/producing/reviewing NICE guidance...

Even if the cost was a factor, the NHS does thousands of procedures that aren't "medically necessary". Fertility treatment, gender reassignment, pre-emptive treatment (e.g. elective masectomies for those with high risk/family history of breast cancer), bariatric surgery, etc.

How about prosthetics or breast implants post masectomy? Why bother giving amputees realistic or well functioning prosthetic limbs when we can just stick a wooden leg on them? Why bother doing extensive skin reconstruction surgery on burns or acid victims, after all how you look is only surface level right?

How about mental health treatment? I mean lots of people PROBABLY wouldn't actually die without it so bit of a waste of money really isn't it?

Alternatively why are you so against women having input in treatment to their own bodies? Just because you weren't offered it? Ever heard of race to the bottom?

A cesarean would still be painful I imagine, as it's major surgery but I guess a different type of pain. Some women I know didn't find childbirth too bad, and I know some prefer to opt for vaginal because of the health benefits for the baby (so I am told). All of that said it is not the man's decision..sure he can have an opinion and discuss the pros and cons of both to help his wife decide. But he ain't pushing the baby out!

And if during birth something happens and the midwife says a CS is needed?

OP, I think your main takeaway from this thread should be that women's experiences of all kinds of births vary widely. Whatever kind of birth we 'choose', reality might have something different in mind.

Your friend should read up on all her options, discuss them with her midwife, and also discuss with her dp so that they feel like a united team. In the end, though, she shouldn't compromise on what she needs to feel safe and in control.

I think they need to have a chat about why he thinks like that. My dh would never insist on anything but he had concerns about me having a water birth. When I asked him why it turned out he had seen a water birth on tv and the woman was completely naked and he thought that was compulsory! As it turned out I wore one of his t shirts in the pool so was completely covered up. Then when I had my youngest, not in water I kept throwing off the sheet and exposing my bum to the entire room, the midwife kept covering me up again! Dh had long since discovered that who was me naked in Labour wasn't remotely important by then though.

Tell your friend to tell him that if he demonstrates inserting a watermelon up his arse because she "insists" he experience that then she will consider a vaginal birth. Then tell her to have whatever birth plan she wants regardless.

• he doesn’t get a say, it isn’t his body or decision.

But to have a major operation you do not need due to fear of the unknown is not a sensible health choice for mum or baby.

NICE guidelines say section can be requested

As others have said it’s none of his business. Her body = her choice. What happens if she would need an emergency section? Would that be “allowed”?

We do have elective caesareans in the UK but it has to be for a good reason because it’s a high risk procedure so your friend is likely to be encouraged by the doctor to have a vaginal birth but offered a caesarean if it is confirmed she has a real phobia/fear of the pain of labour.

Vaginal delivery is not necessarily the most painful thing that can happen to a woman. I had three and none of them could be described as the worst pain ever.

Tooth abscess? Much worse.
Kidney stone? Much worse.
Bone cancer or osteomyelitis? Much worse.

Some women have a tough time but many don’t find it awful at all.

I can’t understand anyone wanting a C-section just in case it might possibly hurt to give birth vaginally.

@Justkeeepswimming You have some strong opinions, as is your right, but not everyone agrees.

The NHS offer elective C-sections to women who want to give birth that way.

Women have the right to make that choice and the decision to have a section or not is between the woman and her doctor and nobody else.

@BusyMummy001

Wrong thread, I think. 🤣🤣

@RandomButtons

Not really, bulk of evidence is that vaginal delivery prevents a lot of illness by allowing normal development of the immune system and that c-section should only be carried out if actually medically necessary.

More info here
https://www.center4research.org/c-section-birth-health-risks/

Again what’s it got to do with him what you’re wearing? It wasn’t his medical procedure or his choice of outfit

As far as I’m aware, you have a vaginal birth unless there’s a medical reason not to? In any case, it’s not his choice. The person giving birth decides , not him.

You can choose to have a section for non-medical reasons.

Same! C section was walk in the park compared to vaginal.

YANBU OP. He doesn't sound 'sweet' at all by insisting what his wife does with her body.