For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

To quote Rachel in 'Friends': 'No uterus, no opinion.'

Agreed.

It's an interesting thought experiment to consider whether there'd have been as much willingness to recognise the harms done by the natural is good movement if we weren't getting older, heavier and having fewer kids overall. The cynic in me wonders whether the pendulum would've swung back at all if we as a cohort were a more attractive proposition for cheap vaginal birth.

Yep

@TwigletsAndRadishes

tough luck hun, women can choose
soz

"Certainly"?

You have absolutely NO way of knowing that. Many abusive men take pleasure in presenting a false image to the rest of the world. It gives their victim no escape, because everyone else thinks he's such a great guy.

Maybe you should reconsider that he could be "anyone else".

I suppose a c-section is easier. No surprise on the timing and can be carried out relatively quickly. A vaginal birth can happen any time, take a while to complete and there may be various options to get you to the end of the process, with a seeming lack of control. I know which I prefer.

Can you just demand a C-section these days?

@Isittimeformynapyet I’m not usually dramatic but something about this horrified me. I think it’s the thought itself that there’s a man who thinks this way but then the fact he’s being sold to me a being “a nice guy”. It made my stomach turn.

@sunnylanding

yep

it’s a brilliant thing. And about time too

First off, it's none of his business. It is her decision.

However, even if she wants a CS she may not get one. If she goes in to labour before the planned date and things happen quickly, it may not be an option so she should really be considering other options and how to manage them.

This notion that childbirth is "the most painful thing that can happen to a woman" is nonsense. I have had much more painful experiences than childbirth. Putting my back out was the most painful experience I have ever had. A friend says gallstones was the worst she had.

That fear is also more likely to result in a more painful and difficult birth as being tense and anxious will increase pain levels. Knowing how best to manage your birth (e.g. active birthing in an upright position, breathing exercises etc) can reduce pain. Screaming is excellent at relaxing muscles. Having an epidural is also brilliant for pain relief in labour. I wouldn't recommend pethidine though. It's useless in my experience.

The recovery from a CS is generally more difficult than from a vaginal birth as you have had abdominal surgery.

I would recommend educating herself on the pros and cons of both and making a decision based on that research rather than a knee-jerk decision based on assumptions about what both are like.

Good men don't believe they have the right to choose what kind of birth their partner has. By believing he has this right he becomes not a good man.

While I think his actions were appalling, what on earth is the point of paracetamol here?

Having given birth vaginally three times on gas and air alone, I really do doubt that having any amount of paracetamol would have helped.

When you are in the late stages of labour I imagine you could fall unconscious through ODing on paracetamol before you'd take enough to get any mitigating effect on those all consuming, late stage contractions whre you start to groan like a wounded buffalo and rave like a lunatic.

Perhaps he thinks a c section recovery would be too much pain for her.

I feel like there must be a missed context here if he's usually really good.

I had an elected C section, it wasn't painful at all, recovery was a few weeks and all was fine. I was a single parent as well, living by myself.
Jolly glad I did, with all the horror stories I hear about natural births.

Sweet guy on the outside, narcissistic controlling arsehole on the inside.

If he can insist she gives birth vaginally she can insist he ties string around his scrotum which she can pull during the contractions so he can share the pain.

He doesn’t get to “insist” on anything. She’s the one giving birth so it’s her decision. He needs to support what she wants and if he won’t he shouldn’t be at the birth at all.

Yes not a sweet guy at all, he probably also says "we are pregnant " and makes empathetic noises but secretly tutting st his wife if she dare complains about the "miracle of pregnancy"

Wtaf? Unless I've missed something the blokes a complete dickhead!

He can’t play the game so he doesn’t get to make the rules. I’d worry about that kind of controlling behaviour.

He sounds a bit stupid and no, he's not a 'sweet guy'. You've said that he's insisting on a vaginal birth.

I think this isn't a friend, a friend could post for themselves. You refer to him in the title as DH so I'm assuming that this is actually about you, you just don't want to listen to posters telling you that this man is a controlling twat.

He isn't sweet and this is none of his business. If it is you that is pregnant, please take back your choices for delivery as you want it. His view is irrelevant.

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner

Clearly not.

I don't know if it would have helped, but that's not really the point - the point is she asked for it and he said no.

Her body her choice. However, I have had both and I'd rather have 100 natural births than another cesarean - it hurt like hell and 33 years later my scar still itches and throbs now and again.

I don't suggest you give your friend this article, but perhaps her DH might like to read it so he can be a proper advocate for her when the time comes: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/26/my-child-was-drowning-life-and-death-on-an-english-maternity-ward