For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

He doesn't have a vagina so no opinion on how she should give birth.

He's clearly not lovely or anywhere near a perfect partner.

I find the idea that you can 'insist' on something and get what you want, in the NHS really quite unbelievable. Irrepsecitve of whether you get it or not, I think I am rather appalled that demanding a CS with no medical justification is even an option, frankly. Especially at the moment, when most people can't even insist on seeing a doctor in sensible time frame, let alone insist on what treatment they want and when they want it. This doesn't always happen when there is demonstrable medical need and urgency, let alone when there isn't.

You get an epidural or a spinal block as a matter of routine. General anaesthetic is much less common but can be used when all else fails, is contra-indicated for some reason, or for speed in the event of a dire emergency.

Why?

Maternity care is one situation where the woman is going to be receiving care within a pretty specific time period anyway. There isn't an option to just put her on a waiting list not yet anyway. The NHS will be attending to her and utilising resources.

There are risks and benefits to both ELCS and attempted VB, and no good evidence that attempted VB is any cheaper overall. We have a birthing population that are older and fatter than they used to be, and the trend is only going one way. Hence the NICE recommendations that the NHS are following, or meant to be anyway.

That was certainly true for me. My first two deliveries were traumatic vaginal deliveries. My third was an emergency caesarean and by far the best.

It's her choice. Having said that, recovering from cutting through half of your belly isn't going to be without pain...

He might be a 'sweet guy' most of the time - but trying to control how your partner gives birth is not 'sweet'.

Sounds like a bit of male entitlement to me and that doesn't mean he's not perfectly nice in other ways, but the fact is that he thinks he should get to have some say over this. He doesn't.

It's not his body so it's not his choice.

Well luckily you don't decide on the NICE guidelines, so your opinion on the matter is irrelevant really.

Yes, it's very dodgy behaviour. And would be equally so if the friend wanted to go for a vaginal birth and he was trying to pressure her into ELCS.

"I feel sick reading this." @TeenLifeMum

I'm sure we voted the same way, but you do not feel sick. That's so stupid.

I suppose I just don't understand it. When my DC were born there was a definite move away from the over-medicalisation of childbirth and we were always told that it was natural, our bodies were designed to do it, and unless we were extremely unlucky and a CS (either elective or emergency) was a matter of life and death, then too much medical intervention was invasive, unnecessary and even damaging for our recovery. Everyone was pushing home births and water births, and 'natural' births with less pain relief, fewer episiotomies, etc. We were told it was better to tear than to be cut as it healed better. I was also told I was entitled to request an epidural for pain relief. It didn't stop them totally ignoring my wishes and deliberately wasting time and fobbing me off until it was too late to give me one anyway. And it was on my birth plan, so it wasn't as if they didn't have plenty of warning.

My first instinct was to shout 'her body, her choice' etc like all the other posters.

But actually I think there needs to be a bit of context. Maybe he thinks it's a more risky choice and is worried about her, or the baby, which is unsurprising given I assume he loves her and the baby she's about to have?
I'd still say it's her right to have the overall say but it doesn't sound like there's been much communication between them or with medical professionals either.

Yes they can.

That's still the case now, there is enormous judgement IME if you don't go down the "natural" route. They have simply recognised that women ought to be given the choice about how they give birth.

I was going to say this too. Why does anyone doubt it?

A caesarean was far preferable for me too and, and had both types of birth.

I would say part of the change in recent years is the pendulum swinging the other way. A recognition that the natural for the sake of natural approach you describe here is wrong, and did harm.

THISSSSS

Why does he think he has a say? What is he going to say to your friend if he coerces her into having a VB, it goes wrong, and she has an emergency CS (and subsequently beats herself up for not trying hard enough or similar absolute bollocks, as it obviously won't be her fault but she may feel it is) or worse, she or the baby suffers a birth injury that affects them for life? She will probably blame him (rightly so) and who knows where their relationship will end up?

For what it's worth, I chose two elective CSs and, especially after experiencing 36 hours of *thankfully, 20 min spaced) back to back contractions prior to DC2's birth, I have NEVER regretted my decision.

Remind your friend she doesn't have to have the baby's father at the birth ...

Her birth , her choice. As long as she knows the pros and cons of both.

He can insist as long as she insists he has his next filling or root canal with no pain relief.

OP, some men do have these ideas about having a 'natural birth' being better.

A friend of mine was denied painkillers (even paracetamol) by her partner when she was giving birth, because they'd agreed beforehand that they both wanted it to be 'natural', but then when it came to it, she struggled.

He refused to go and get the nurse/ doctor for her to ask for pain relief. He refused to give her paracetamol. He told her she would get through it.

I'm not saying your friend's partner would do this. Just that some men can be weirdly controlling about it. They've now split up (thankfully!) but I also would have described him as a 'sweet guy' before I knew about that.

You might not really know him underneath it all. It's not OK for him to 'insist' on anything about her birth. His role is to support her in her decisions. If he's doing anything else, I would be concerned.

But not for the days and weeks afterwards.

It's her choice to make not his.

I think the pendulum has swung too far the other way in too many cases and there are instances where babies (and mothers?) have died due to this lack of medical intervention.

The Shrewsbury hospital episodes are a case in point.

I have never subscribed to the "natural birth at all costs" bollocks that was touted for so long. The cynical side of me says that it was a cost cutting exercise, but it costs health and lives.

I am someone who generally doesn’t believe in absolutely truths but I’m sorry, If he’s a man who thinks he has a say in how his wife gives birth, he is in no way a lovely guy. 0% chance.