For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

It depends. One friend didn’t think giving birth was that painful, she likened it to strong muscle spasms.
Another friend spent 12 years going back and forth to doctors and hospitals and had further operations because she was in such a mess after giving birth they didn’t realise the internal damage.

She suffered multiple miscarriages.

I only had one contraction and I never want to go through pain like that again. I won’t describe it but I was so glad I had said yes to the epidural when it was offered

55 hours in labour culminating with an emcs
I requested a elective CS for my 2nd

I didn’t have pain killers afterwards and was out of hospital the following day and hosted a barbecue in the afternoon

I was driving within 10 days

I requested a CS because it was just a lovely experience.
Also because I have a tilted pelvis and that was why I ended up with an emcs the first time.

If you request anaesthetic when you have a tooth filled or root canal work, because it will hurt then why can’t you have pain relief when giving birth

This is not always the case.

20 years ago maybe, not for years now. Women can choose how they want to deliver. And thank god.

Talk to him about pelvic organ prolapse and how common it is with women who've had vaginal births

He's probably thinking about dtd after and thinks vaginal birth has a faster recovery. Or American and thinking about the cost.

I'm a Londoner so not sure if true but heard in America some insurance companies won't cover elective CS.

I've heard of husbands insisting on no pain relief or making their wives pay for it 🤯🤯

Have not RTFT but it is absolutely none of his business. I never even contemplated a vaginal birth, said from the outset I would have an elective c/s, and told DH so. I didn't ask for his input (and to be fair to him, he didn't try to give any).

Well obviously it’s her business how she gives birth but you should all do a bit more research I think. There was a wonderful programme called Home Birth Diaries on the Lifetime tv channel when we lived in the US, and that was the absolute first time ever I saw that childbirth wasn’t necessarily this awfully traumatic painful experience that is usually depicted on tv. I’m not saying everyone should have a homebirth but there is also hypnobirthing which is another great way to have a different birthing experience and which reduces a lot of the usual fear, tension and pain.

Personally gallstones were much more painful than giving birth.

Best of luck to your friend!

No. That’s a sweeping generalisation. Not all CS result in what you call damages. Let’s not unnecessarily alarm women. Each birth is different and not all CS have post birth complications. Not all VB have post birth complications. This is why women talk it through in person with their team, who know then and can discuss outcomes and pro cons. Online and on mn birth is politicised and a lot of anti-medical and anti intervention rhetoric

Lol hypnobirthing did jack shit to relieve my 72 hour back to back labour.

If you request anaesthetic when you have a tooth filled or root canal work, because it will hurt then why can’t you have pain relief when giving birth

This realisation hit me as soon as I had my first contraction. Our NCT Leader had been going on for weeks about the benefits of a natural birth and I fell for it, putting no pain relief in my birth plan. As soon as I had my first contraction I thought what the hell am I thinking. In every other time in my life, if in pain, I took painkillers, why was I choosing now to become some sort of fucking Earth mother!!

Is caesarean even an option? NHS won't give you a caesarean unless it's medically necessary. Vaginal birth with epidural is best if she wants to avoid the pain. Caesarean is a major operation and difficult to breastfeed/ look after baby while recovering. DH is right on this one and probably thinking about what's best for her in long run.

You continue.....

You are the one who insults with your own opinion - and it is your own opinion.

But I do not understand why anyone would want to put their body through major surgery for no medical reason.

I had NO MEDICAL REASON. I wanted a C section. A fabulous birth it was!

Your issues are your own. But if you don't want anyone to comment stop posting bollox.

I totally get that @Pookerrod but I think the difference is that some pain relief can have an impact on some babies.

I’m not for a moment suggesting anyone should labour without pain relief or should feel pressured to- just that the impact of drugs on the baby will be taken into account by the mother and may be a reason why some women reject them. That is obviously not a factor when one is having a root canal so explains the small difference between the two scenarios.

Another possible reason for choosing not to have any drugs is that some women are worried the drugs will make them feel too woozy and want to be able to remember everything clearly afterwards. Again, no one particularly wants or needs to remember the details of their root canal treatment afterwards!

Define medically necessary? If a woman requests a CS that will usually be accommodated . Women can and do have CS by request. We are getting a lot more attuned & sensitive to such requests. Interestingly the detractors and alarmists of CS by request are other women, natural birth advocates, doulas . Ideologically there are those who have an anti-medical agenda and will always talk up risk and complications of a CS. Birth in itself is risky. Huge physical and mental health risk arising from birth and postnatal period

The people your friend should listen to are people like me who have done it both ways.

There are pros and cons to both but if a c section is more painful than a vaginal birth something has gone very wrong.

I recovered very quickly from my cs. My second degree tear in my vulva from my vaginal birth has actually been more problematic long term.

The first poster got it in one.

I think it's strange a husband would 'insist' on a specific form of childbirth. By all means, have a discussion about fears/concerns regarding different options, and definitely work together on a birth plan that includes what might happen if things don't go to plan; but no one except the woman giving birth should be able to insist on what happens (excluding medical emergencies).

This is a really emotive issue, so I wouldn't place too much value on posters who insist their experience/view of birth is the 'correct' one. Some people have easier vaginal births than others, some people end up needing intervention whether they want it or not and some people would prefer a c-section (I fall into the latter camp). FWIW, I recovered from my c-section without long term damage, was home and caring for my new baby within 48hours. Personally, I couldn't imagine anything worse than being awake for such a procedure, so requested - and was granted - a GA. I did read up on the risks well in advance and this was a decision that was right for me as an individual, which does not mean it's right for everyone.

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way

No he’s not, he’s a controlling dick and I’d be very concerned for my friend in this relationship. He has no right to any input how she gives birth.

Yes, they will give elective caesareans. It is an option under the NICE guidelines. You can have to push for it, and some doctors or midwives may argue, but it is an option that is supposedly available.

If you'd bothered to RTFT you'd see that it absolutely is an option and doesn't have to be medically necessary.

I mean he can't insist on anything but for what it's worth I had both and would take labour every day of the week even though I ended up with a 4th degree tear. Much quicker recovery and back to feeling myself much sooner than my CS. I think the only way that a CS is a pleasant option is if you have someone to care for you and baby afterwards so you can rest. Yes it is civilised but the aftermath was horrific for me.

@InfiniteGoodVibes

You also continue…

With rudeness and intolerance of others opinions.

I’m very glad that your caesarean was a success and that you had no complications.

That does not mean everyone has the same experience.

By the way it’s ‘bollocks’ 😊 if you want to insult people, at least spell it correctly.

I didn't think I'd given birth that long ago! It didn't occur to me it was an option. Maybe our midwives just cleverly worded it so that we didn't consider it an option except in cases where the baby was turned the wrong way etc. In the end, it's up to the mother to decide, but I imagine that the DH 'insisting' means that he's really worried, rather than really controlling. I wasn't given the option of a home birth either because of complications the first time around.

My dad tried this. He was a maternity specialist at the time.

My mum divorced him six months later.

Yes I agree with the final point here - you need a hands on partner, which I did, and I imagine it is a lot easier if you don’t also have a toddler. My oldest was almost 8 when his brother appeared.

Re. The husband - he needs a strong talking to now. He’s either being a bit stupid focusing on a natural birth - or he’s controlling. Hopefully it’s the former and she can make him understand he has no say.