For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

Next time he has a root canal or surgery done, she should insist he does it without pain relief so they can both experience the romance and beauty of pre-industrial medical procedures. Everyone knows that things like birth, dentistry and surgery were so much better back in those halcyon natural days.

Glad you had a good birth experience,it’s important
I had zero pain but felt tugging & activity. Didn't feel any incision or pain, didn’t feel the birth.
Unfortunately CS gets maligned and negatively talked up as if it an intervention too far

My DH found the c section birth far easier to witness than the vaginal one. He felt helpless watching me in pain during labour. And then when things started going a bit wrong during vaginal birth with baby’s heart rate dropping, suddenly there were 10 people rushing into the room and they were telling me that baby needs to come out now and to bear down hard with my next contraction. My husband was terrified as he had no idea what was going on but it was obvious it had all got a bit serious.

C-section couldn’t have been more calm by comparison with classical music playing in the background and chatting away with the anaesthetist about baby names.

I've had a tooth abscess and a kidney stone and neither of them even touched the sides of natural labour and birth for me. Fuck me, I wanted to die. I don't think I'll ever forget how horrific it was. The C section was on another planet for me, just a totally different (better) experience.

@Justkeeepswimming The NHS guidance is in place and has been put together by medical professionals, i.e. people who know what they are talking about.

You don't need to understand.

You are biased because you had a bad experience, many people do not have that experience, and there are thousands of reasons why someone may want a section rather than a natural birth.

Let's be glad that we live in a society where there is a choice available.

No, they give you an epidural and you are awake throughout

Only if it is an emcs and you haven’t already been given an epidural. Then they knock you out.

I have had 2 CSs and was fine. Definitely less issues that some of my NCT group had

If he doesn’t consider a CS a real birth then what is it and why does he have some very strange ideas as to what labour and giving birth is all about

He does realise that he can insist all he likes and write out a birthing plan but usually those plans go out of the window at sone point after the first contraction

If things start to go wrong then the medical team looking after his wife are going to not take any notice of what he insists

My question would be, What happens if things don’t turn out like he insists and his wife has an Emcs

Will he spit his dummy out and not bond with his dc as they hadn’t had a real birth and is he going to hold it against his wife that she couldn’t give him the real birthing experience he is visualising

I think it is the people who have set ideas about what pregnancy, birthing and parenthood are going to be like who struggle with the reality.

Having had an emergency c-section after the joy of 28 hours of labour with no epidural, I can safely say that c-section (even a fraught emergency one) was less painful by several orders of magnitude.

Of course, some people have amazing straightforward vaginal births and some people have awful painful c-sections. The point is, this guy isn’t the one who has to get an 8lb human out of his body, so he can fuck right off.

Right?! I get so furious when natural birth purists say things like "oh women have been doing this for thousands of years". Yes they have, and they used to die at much higher rates, too.

@Cosycover

At the time you are right - very straightforward process and actually a relief for me after a prolonged labour and complications…

But by comparison to friends who had vaginal births I was incapacitated for a much longer period after the birth and have long term issues.

Only one I know who had VB with a similar length of recovery was one with a vaginal tear front to back which was excruciating- but note she was very tiny and short and had a big baby.

And plenty of people on this thread had the opposite experience, so perhaps recognise that everyone is different, eh?

@ReadingSoManyThreads

I can concur that toothache, gallbladder and endometriosis pain are worse…. The main thing I wanted to be over with labour was the exhaustion.

and they still do, all over the world. But that doesn’t fit the (racist) narrative of ‘oh women in Africa (because that’s obviously one homogenous place 🙄) just pop babies out easily with no intervention because of their romantic spiritual wisdom’ or similar white saviour bollocks.

Women in western europe in the 16th and 17th centuries used to write letters to their husbands and children before going into labour, in the same way men would say their goodbyes before going off to war. Birth was known to be very risky.

We are extraordinarily lucky to have choices and access to support and medical care, whether our births are straightforward or complicated.

Perhaps he should google 4th degree tear

Your friend, OP, needs to weigh up pros and cons for herself.
No-one knows how they'll react, recover etc.
My DM had two completely uneventful VBs, very quick recovery with no complications/ long term issues. MIL by contrast had a terrible time and lifelong complications after two VBs.
I had a brilliant ELCS with no complications and very quick recovery (no kangaroo pouch). Others I know have experienced infections (although they cleared quickly) and pain for some time (although no long term complications).
I think the important thing is for each woman to do her own research and do what's best for her. Her partner, and everyone else, should respect her choice absolutely.

Yes but there is pain within hours of the procedure some of which continues for weeks afterwards.

This cannot be real.

You do realise that once the spinal anaesthetic wears off everything hurts from the surgery? You have to take painkillers for several days afterwards while the abdominal wound heals up. It’s certainly not pain free walking, bending, lifting etc afterwards. A vaginal birth may be less controlled but it leaves less damage afterwards than a caesarean.

100% her call.

His opinion on the mater is utterly irrelevant.

I do hope she tells him to fuck right off.

Any man who is labouring under the misapprehension that they are involved in ANY pregnancy or birth decisions faced by a woman, is utterly mistaken.

Stay in your fucking lane, twat.

And my two C-sections were a dream.

@pinkmushroom5

You’ve put your opinions and information in posts out in a very balanced manner.

It’s not that I am saying that anyone has to do xyz.

I’m just commenting that I can’t understand the thought process behind it if it’s not necessary because major surgery is a lot to go through…

Personally it saved my life and baby’s and will be my option going forward - because I can’t safely have a natural birth now - and I am looking forward to a short timetabled procedure that is over quickly without a prolonged labour and lack of sleep…

However, I also had had a lot of problems with bladder and adhesions so I worry that will be worsened with another surgery…

I guess I don’t think anyone should go into it lightly without proper consult with obstetrician and spending some weeks deciding… it isn’t for the OP’s partner to dictate, while of course he can give an opinion, ultimately it is up to the mother.

Unless this is a drip feed and we find out categorically this is the case then the alternative is he is a horribly controlling man

Sweet my arse, he is a control freak.

Like I said he's a very sweet guy.

Incorrect