For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

@Justkeeepswimming

you seem to have quite a lot of internalised misogyny

are you one of those people who think women shouldn’t complain about birth injuries and just be grateful that the baby is ok?

Insist? He'd be history 😡

He's not lovely, he's a cunt,

What do you mean you’re with him? In that you agree he gets to override what his wife wants and insists on her giving birth how he chooses? Because that’s the point here, not how SHE wants to choose to give birth, but him insisting his say goes. Is that really what you’re agreeing with?

I'm always surprised how vehement some people are on this topic when they've not done even the bare minimum of research.

Admit it op, you lifted this off X.
There's no friend or husband really, you just wanted to take it for your own.

I don't think we have enough context here. A straightforward vaginal birth is definitely preferable to a c section. If there are known risks then an elective c section might be a better option. What exactly is it that he's insisting about?

How patronising.

Which research would YOU like to share? Clearly it will be that which plays to your own biases. Luckily though, NICE and the NHS doesn’t care about your opinion. And their guidance, which thankfully supports the rights of women to have bodily autonomy, are heavily researched based.

No research is required to know a man should not be insisting a woman gives birth how he dictates. How she wishes to give birth is entirely up to her, whether her partner or any of us agree with her or not. It seems many people here are just as bad as her husband, maybe they think every woman’s birth plan should be decided by their local community.

You’ve missed a key nuance there. Uncomplicated VB is preferable to CS for you.

For me, I wanted a private ELCS. No medical reason beyond preference. And that’s what I got.

You do you, yeah?

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way

No he isn't. Not even close.

He's a man who think he has the right to control a woman's body and medical choices. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Well I managed to have both my children by not having a ‘real’ birth, two now strapping lads who must have magically appeared here. 🙄 I had two elective c-sections and it wasn’t even discussed with my children’s father. The only man I discussed it with was my consultant.

Your friend needs to tell him it’s none of his business.

Lots of bollocks on here.
There is no guaranteed perfect way to give birth. You need to do your research, weigh up your options and be prepared to challenge the status quo. Maternal healthcare is in crisis in this country and you cannot rely on health services to have your best interests at heart.

I had an emergency section with first - saved baby's life but he was still in special care for 4 weeks leading to PND for me.

I was suicidal during my second pregnancy- knowing I could have a planned section and could prepare for birth really helped. I was informed I had a 66% chance of needing another section anyway- so why not just have a planned one and avoid risk of emcs altogether.
I found recovery from both very easy but I did rest a lot.

He has no opinion on this

The NICE guidance. Which, if you read back on my posts, is saying the same thing as I am. I suspect you may have misunderstood which side of the debate I'm on here.

He isn’t lovely or a perfect partner.

Your posts on this subject are so woefully ignorant they are laughable.

"kangaroo pouch' highlighted your knowledge and attitude robustly.

Yeeees? Not sure why you'd think any of that relates to what I said about research though, given that as you correctly point out, these things are not researchable.

What can be researched, though, are some of the issues people have trotted out unthinkingly in this thread. We've had multiple posters claim you can't just choose an elective section, when you can. There've also been claims about cost pulled out of people's arses which again, can easily be researched and is mentioned in the NICE guidelines.

Well, it's her decision, but she sounds misguided over pain. I've had both, and my vaginal birth, even without any pain relief wasn't particularly painful. My c-section was way more painful, so was my appendicitis, so was my fractured bone. I'd have my pain-relief-free vaginal birth every time.

Why do so many people think childbirth is the most painful thing that a woman can experience? I know it is for some, but there's many that it's really not.

No, I mean good reasons including reasons stated by the mother (I mentioned an example of fear/phobia of pain as it seems that would be the friend’s reason) - it just takes a conversation with the consultant. It’s major surgery so always high risk (she will have to sign a consent form mentioning risk of death etc as with all major surgery) but yes, definitely safer than an emergency section.

I apologise. Sorry x