For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

I’d love to know what the stats are for midwives.

The fact that OBGYN Drs often choose CS for their own births isn’t a coincidence. They are the ones who deal with the complicated and difficult births. They presumably are rarely present to witness a spontaneous vagina birth so it’s not at all surprising that they see CS as the best option.

I think knowing how many midwives choose vaginal birth or CS for themselves would be a more interesting piece of information.

All that aside, the man described in the OP needs to shut up and let his partner decide what she wants.

@pinkmushroom5 there are women who end up with pelvic pain issues from vaginal birth and bad tearing, it can also be traumatic, there are lots of stories of this type. That's not to say a cesarean is a breeze. I can't speak personally but women have their reasons, and if mental health is improved by choosing a cesarean I think that's very well justified.

@TooraLoora

That is fine because it is then medically necessary.

Having a c-section because you don’t want to put yourself out with childbirth or don’t want your vagina stretched is ridiculous considering the risks. And the NHS should not be funding it.

Was gonna say the same. The worst pain in my life (worse than childbirth/induction) was the trapped wind after an EMCS and the second was the constipation after one. Also cried in pain more than once too a few days after the surgery. I’d always go

But none of his business. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, if he’s a nice guy is it because he wants to minimise complications from surgery and can’t bear to see her cut open? Not that seeing her in labour will be a much nicer experience of course.

This.

If you are the “ friend “ then you need to be very very careful , because abuse often steps up during pregnancy and after childbirth.

And if it really is your friend then I suggest you educate yourself about abuse because your friend will really REALLY need support sometime soon.

Bloody hell. My ex husband is a right arsehole but even he wouldn’t have voiced an opinion about birth options beyond “give her all of what she wants, when she wants it.”

If by "good" reason you mean the mother's preference then yes
If you're suggesting they need a medical reason then you're wrong.
People have quoted the actual NICE guidance in the thread, its very clear. Women can have an elective caesarean for any reason, neither the MN jury nor even her treating consultant have to approve her rationale.

It's also not a high risk procedure- and is significant less risky than an emergency c-section - 1 in 3 first time mums need an emergency c-section anyway (and nearly 1 in 2 need some sort of assistance beyond midwife care) so people planning for a c-section in advance reduces the risk for mother and baby.

Not necessarily, l was up and about and felt great after a few hours , had no pain really.

Ah..... no. Your friend needs to research this carefully.

I've had one VB and two sections - one emergency and the second because of the complications with the previous efforts to have a VB.

I got a spinal anaesthetic. Same as epidural that I had for my VB.
I've never heard of someone having general anesthetic for a section.

There was no pain during the operation itself but the recovery was very painful. Start with the horrendous shoulder pain for 2 from trapped wind after abdominal surgery.... its quite common apparently but nobody tells you about it until you are almost crippled on your hospital bed. I had that both times.
The scar is the least of the worries, there is pain, chance of infection, difficulty holding, feeding and winding your baby comfortably, not being able to drive, do ordinary household tasks for 6 weeks etc.
Now don't get me wrong. In both my cases a c section was a godsend because my babies wouldn't have survived otherwise. So sections are an amazing solution to a medical problem. But choosing one because you think they are less painful is ill advised.

I mean it’s good for them both to discuss options but him ‘insisting’? No thank you.

If he’s otherwise lovely and this is something out of character I would worry about other changes to his character once the baby arrives and I would be really concerned if this was my friend.

How can he ‘insist’ on anything? Is he going to wrestle the surgeons off her?

@pinkmushroom5

As far as I was aware elective caesareans are only where there is a medical risk - multiple north, known medical issue.

Or where the woman has a mental health problem such as extreme anxiety or other issue…

They aren’t, and shouldn’t be, handing them out like smarties it’s 10k!!

Your friend is entitled to a csection for any reason, however it probably won’t be under anaesthetic - GA comes with risks of its own and isn’t something you can just request out of preference. CS recovery is also very painful for a lot of people and if her dh isn’t supportive of her choice will he be supportive in her recovery?

I totally agree it’s up to her but if she thinks cs is the pain free option she’s incredibly misinformed.

Maternal choice is a completely valid reason to request a csection

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · Today 13:00
Her birth her choice, however a c-section is not pain free by any means. You have major abdominal surgery that takes weeks/ months to recover and is painful for far longer (not as intense).

That's some womens experience - it wasn't mine and I have done it both ways. I know several friends thst would say the same as me.

And OP, any man who thinks he has the right to tell his own wife how to deliver her baby isn't a good guy in my book. How dare he?!

This - a C-section isn't a "get out of pain free" card.

I've had both, and recovered much more quickly from the vaginal birth.

Not every hospital offers the choice. I would think that most wouldn't offer one except for medical necessity

Vaginal births are offered pain relief, too, though. Has she considered an epidural? (I just had gas and air - I still felt the pain but didn't give a monkey's)

What utter nonsense!!
Of course it's completely pain free.
Yes of course there's some recovery time to factor in, as with any operation, but I can assure you that the procedure itself is completely pain free, and amazingly enough a real baby pops out too! Thank goodness the CS option is there from those who need/prefer it for whatever reason.

You know what is scarier to me that he said this? That he thought about it in the first place. Something is very wrong here. I feel for your poor friend.

Stop it 😂 how is it pain free?? It’s literally not. That might be your experience but it’s certainly not everyone’s

Re. General anaesthetic for caesarean… Nope. Spinal block and was awake for the whole thing. Just felt like rummaging around in tummy and they had a sheet up so I couldn’t see.

You will, however, instead be choosing a different set of risks. Including the risk of the most dangerous type of section, EMCS.

And of course giving birth vaginally can mean a recovery lasting months, or worse. What a silly thing to claim. There is no option for giving birth that doesn't involve risk of all kinds of unpleasant things. You're another one who ought to read the NICE guidance before taking such a strong opinion.

Do you think abortion should be covered on the NHS? After all it's rarely medically necessary, right? How about pain relief? The majority of people might not actually die without it so is that medically necessary?

You're suggesting the only reasons for preferring a c section are laziness ("put yourself out") or vanity "stretched vagina") but neither make sense.
As many people have pointed out a caesarean can be as/more painful than giving birth, with a longer recovery time, which all consultants have to explain as part of the decision making process. Nobody picks a c-section thinking it will be a walk in the park, just that it would be preferable for them in their specific circumstances. Why would someone so vain they don't want a "stretched vagina" opt for a scar?

Maybe give other women the respect of accepting they make medical decisions about their own body for an appropriate reason rather than laziness or vanity?

@Anguish

Is your "friend" in the UK?

Re. Recovery - absolute exhaustion first few weeks as breast feeding too and difficulty walking. Some shoulder pain but not mad, could get up and hold baby (but I’d had other major surgery before so was used to how things felt).

Horrific constipation and bowel issues, bladder issues that are still ongoing as are issues with adhesions/scar tissue. Wound briefly infected.

Felt like a human at about 4 months post birth.

Insist away old boy! Speaking as a two-time father I can tell you that in the delivery room nobody, but nobody will pay the blindest bit of attention to anything you (the father) says.

HTH