To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

The thing is, no one misses the shitty days (sometimes literally ).

I miss the little baby smell and the squishiness , how she used to fit in my arms and the little funny noises.

I miss the magic and wonder(from stick collections and pet rocks and spiders and snails to fairies and santa and easter bunny ) , having fun with pure abandon without a care in the world , the crazy outfits, the cuddles, her little laugh at the stupidest things, her little toddler voice , her funny/weird sayings , the jumbled up words, the excitement of silly little things like rock hunting.

I miss the good bits and my heart always skips a beat and I awww when I see a memory type pic. I definitely don't miss years(yes years) of not sleeping, not eating and all the other crap.

I'm definitely romanticising it and feeling a bit melancholic because this year is the first year she didn't want me to hide things for an Easter Egg hunt or go to a farm or similar. She doesn't fit in my lap anymore.

Not at all. I went back to work full time when my little one was 8 months old. She loves nursery and has a great time there and I feel like me for 8 hours a day. Staying off work was not an option as fortunately I’m a high earner but I get it all the time when people bash me for going back to work and how much I’m missing out on. I had a two week holiday with my now 1 year old and it was not a relaxing holiday it was enjoyable but it was hard work, it was parenting in a different hotter country. I love my daughter but I am a much better mum when I have a break from her I can bring a whole new energy to play with her and look forward to time with her. And nursery is great for her social skills and her education in general.

It is so unrealistic when people say “enjoy every minute”. No one enjoys every minute of anything - your job, your husband/ partner, your own family, they all drive you mad sometimes. Which is perfectly normal.

And there are many many times with little kids that are physically and mentally difficult. I remember particularly being up with both kids at 5am on a Saturday morning. It will push you to the brink some days.

And then being told : enjoy every minute. I feel SO much rage about this attitude.

Maybe for some people. We have a 14 yo and a recently turned 4 yo. The 14 yo has ADHD and can be hard work. We have to nag her to take a shower, she's not very communicative, can be very rude, sulky, and will ignore us all day in favour of video games and watching TikTok if we don't pretty much force her to do something with us or go outside and do something active.

The 4 yo requires pretty much constant supervision. If she's engaged in play, she needs reminders to go to the toilet or she will wet herself and we will have to change her clothes. It takes forever to get her dressed because she can do some parts herself but needs help with others, so we have to wait whilst she puts on her knickers and vest, getting distracted and starting to play with other things in her room 40 times and then chase her around with a dress and tights to get them on her. If she does go to the toilet herself she needs help with wiping and handwashing. If she's overtired or in a bad mood, she will cry on and off all day, refuse to listen to instructions and run off in the supermarket. Bedtime takes about an hour on a good night. She wakes us up most nights because she wakes up at around 3am and needs help to get back to sleep. Then she's up for the day at around 8am, which means we're up at 8am- which is actually very good in comparison to most small children, some parents are up at 5 or 6 every single day. Except on nursery days when we have to drag her out of bed kicking and screaming at 8:30.

This is a good 4 yo, the one that the nursery tells us every day is polite and helpful and a little angel. She's bright and funny and considered an "easy" child.

My "hard" 14 yo is NOTHING like as hard as my "easy" 4yo. Not even in the same ballpark. We can play a boardgame with 14 yo if we can talk her into it, we can read a book or get on with work in the same room as her, she can make her own lunch, brush her own teeth and if she doesn't get what she wants she just pouts and glowers, she doesn't scream blue murder and it's been years since she last lay on the floor in Lidl and refused to move. I love my 4yo to bits, but I can't wait until she's 6 or 7 and I don't have to get involved in personal care or endure a supermarket trip with a child who is inconsolable because we're not buying doughnuts.

Anyone who thinks toddlers are easier than tweens or teens has forgotten what toddlers are actually like.

I am one of those some people.

I have not forgotten the toddler years whatsoever and my 9 yo autistic, says very few words with severe cognitive delay was way easier when he was a baby and toddler.

It's a very different situation when you have a severely disabled child who can't do most of the things a typical child of that age can do. I was referring to a typical situation in which a 9yo is largely independent. Some parents will be "forever parents" and it won't get easier.

Perhaps, but many of us didn’t know that about our children at the time they were babies and toddlers.

Not as a newborn maybe but surely by 12-18 months there were clear signs? Our whole family is ND so we noticed extremely early on that our youngest daughter was different to all of us, i.e. neurotypical. No idea where that came from.

I hate it when parents of babies and toddlers just assume that you will have more time for yourself as they get older. 🙄. That's the biggest load of nonsense I've heard

It's utterly relentless.

I love my kids and I try so hard to enjoy it.....but when they are just in your face 24/7 it is hard.

A bit of space and a chance to regroup would make everything so much easier. But that's not life.

I can plan the loveliest day. But they get themselves so wound up and overexcited somebody will fall down the stairs, somebody will thump their head off a cupboard door, and it'll be 15 minutes of solid crying before we've even left the house.

We were on holiday over Christmas. Lots of amazing beaches and play parks and attractions. But the 5 year old would have a total meltdown each morning, refusing to go to the new place, because he wanted to go back to the place we were at the day before and wouldn't believe that the new place would be good too.

So we'd go to the new place, he'd love it. Then the next day he screaming that he didn't want to go somewhere else because he wanted to go back to that exact same place...

It's so hard.

But it's true, it does go so fast.

I've never heard that saying before, the days are long but the years are short, but it's so true.

Depends how old you're thinking.
Granted, weeknights can be a challenge with clubs etc, but on weekends and holidays I def have more time to myself. They don't get up until about 10 or 11, for a start! Then it's gaming or socialising for them, unless we drag them out with us.

Once again, it depends on the children and circumstances, but a lot of people do get more free time, especially once they start secondary.

I think different people have different experiences.

I had twins. Those first few years are a bit of a sleep-deprived blur if I'm honest. There were magical moments, a lot of fun and I wouldn't have given it up for the world, but my overwhelming feeling from that era is domestic grind and tiredness.

OTOH I loved the 4-8 age and have adored seeing my DC mature into adults. While most hate the teen years, I really enjoyed them!

I now think of parenting a bit like teaching. All teachers do an extremely important job. Some prefer to work with early years, some primary age, some with secondary age. Parents have their preferences too.

I was not a fan of the first year, and genuinely felt I'd been lied to about the wonder of babies. As if it was all a big marketing campaign to keep us breeding.
I remember my husband reminding me 'this is the only holiday we'll do this, the next will be so different' etc just to get me through 😂

DD is one now though and I'm loving being a toddler mum. It's hard, so so hard, but I'm thoroughly enjoying teaching her things, watching her learn about the world and the control she has over it.

That said, I'm sure I'll enjoy the years when she's cleaner, nappy free, and less likely to clout me round the head with a wooden toy a little more!

I try to stay present using DH's words - 'it's the only summer/year/time we'll do X' - as both hope and a reminder that there are sure to be bits I will miss. The chubby toddler arms around my neck for sure!

I think it’s like pregnancy and childbirth - once you’re out of it , you only remember the good !

I will say “ treasure that time “ because mine are older now and I feel like I would give anything to go back and do it again - spend more time just playing with them , doing what they want , taking everything in ! Because it goes so fast ! My eldest is 18 now and my youngest 10 and it went in a blink of an eye! I miss the cuddles , taking them out , me being the centre of their world - but , realistically, I didn’t have the time to spend any more time with them than I did and I was running on empty most of the time because it’s exhausting !

However , as much as I say I would give anything to do it again - I mean with them. I could not have another child and have absolutely no desire to . I was thinking about it today actually - half term , out and about , seeing parents with little ones and I actually thought about if I had another and the thought filled me with dread 🤣I really couldn’t do it again and I wouldn’t want to !

Once you have teenagers and all the drama that comes with that you will understand what a doddle babies and toddlers are!

It's different though. We're going through some stuff with ds, but it's more tiring in terms of the brain power it takes, the frustration at not being able to fix it and the need to be compassionate whilst they're driving you nuts. Dd is pushing boundaries, but all the hard work we put into the toddler years is paying off and she's not pushing too far.

It's not the relentless grind of small children and constantly having to do things for them/ run round after them/ not sleep.

💯 I barely slept the first 2 years after my 2nd came and with covid and a lazy other half I was exhausted 😂 they are 4 and 5 now and I can honestly say I don’t miss those early years at all. Much better now although still full on at times. Hang on in there

I adored the baby and toddler years, the DC were just gorgeous and so funny.
They were 18 months apart and absolutely ran rings around me, but it was lots of fun. Maybe it's the rose tinted spectacles.

They're 13 & 14 now, it reminds me somewhat of the toddler years... They're still fabulous, but definitely no longer cute, and way more expensive than they used to be.

YANBU. I didn't much enjoy the baby/toddler years at all. Generally speaking, I was happier and enjoyed their company more as they got older. Didn't find the teenage years particularly traumatic and adore spending time with the now at 20 and 21 years and don't get enough. I had more than enough of them when they were under 2!

Err not I enjoyed teenagers Even when my eldest was being a PITA. Mind you she was a horrific baby /toddler so at least I didn't have the personal care, lack of sleep and forcing into car seats etc. stropping and sulking is much less hassle

DD2 and DS were actually wonderful teens. Independent, involved in ATC ( DD2) and football teams ( DS) No school issues. And good to talk to and hear their views on the world.

Nope. I'd take the teenage years over the toddler and baby years any time.

I used to think the same as you OP and now I’m out of the baby and toddler years, I’d give anything to go back with the knowledge I have now as I know I’d enjoy it more. Of course, that’s not possible. But I do miss it from my viewpoint now- where I know what things are important and what I could have chilled out a bit on. I also would have judged myself much less and ignored the pressure of baby milestones.

The baby and toddler days are long but the years are short.

Just found this post of Google and thought I would resurrect it from 2024!

Right now I have a just turned 6 year old DS and a 2.7 year old DD. I feel DH and I find joy in some moments which are almost heavenly and magical and bring tears to your eyes with happiness and love, BUT I find the day to day grind of working and double drop offs, double pick ups, snotty noses, sick days, working 4 days a week, trying to remain on a level of professional in my job yet constantly feeling pulled back by the parenting demands, dealing with DS’s attitude problem and endless questions or disagreements, keeping the kids away from each other, cooking them different things because DS always wants a ‘picky plate’, getting them bathed, again separately, trying to clean the house and remain somewhat social and positive when seeing friends and family members. It’s soooo hard, but I am also so blessed. I know I will miss these years but equally won’t.
Why is parenting such a head fuck?