To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

I actually have rage reading this. Tbh any mum who refers to a stranger on the internet as 'mama' is letting you know they're going to be a twat.

Mine are 4 and 7 now and I really do enjoy them a lot more than the toddler years. I don’t feel that overwhelm that I did in the early days. It’s harder in a way with school etc and you don’t get more time as such. But for me it has got “easier” in that I feel more myself. I could happily keep them this age now for a bit longer

Absolutely . I’m one and done myself, and I think there are so many things that make it easier(not all these apply to myself)

having only one kid
having a support network that can look after your kid at short notice when they’re ill/ nursery is closed etc
owning your own home / having a small or no mortgage
having an understanding boss/ workplace that you can work flexibly and also advance your career
Having enough money to pay for the little incidentals
having a supportive partner / co parent

if you have 2 kids and don’t tick any of the boxes above, I imagine it’s considerably harder.

Totally agree! It gets so much easier as they get older - have an 8 and 10 year old who are joy to be around and genuinely good company and a 3 year old who can be sweet and loving or a complete pain in the depending on which minute you catch him on.

Is it tough?

Yes

Is it amazing?

Yes

Do I wish I could wake up in hospital holding my first baby and do it all over again?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Sorry OP, but these years are magical to me. Maybe they aren’t to everyone, but they are to me. And I say this as someone who has no support other than DH who works long hours. I’ve found it mega hard and my mental health had a huge dip for along time, but I still love it.

We all enjoy different aspects of children. But I do love these little years.

They are romanticised, but I would also give absolutely anything to have another day with my eldest 2 when they were around 4 and 7. It's so, so tough and you long for them to just be able to go off and entertain themselves but when they do, it feels a little bit heartbreaking.

The days are long and the years are short is something you’ll agree with when yours are graduating from Uni and their childhood has gone in a flash and you barely see them. It doesn’t mean it’s not easy, in fact it acknowledges exactly that, and whilst the years don’t feel short trust me when they are adults it feels like it’s flown by

See I absolutely agree with the days are long but the years are short. I haven’t found it particularly easy - DD was the textbook definition of a Velcro baby born during lockdown, still doesn’t sleep through nearly 4 years later and is actually still pretty demanding and hard work in lots of ways.

But also, it’s utterly flown by. I mean I feel like I only just had a baby and she’s starting school in September! I’m already romanticising the younger phases - I’ve just been having a scroll through some baby photos actually and being all ‘ahhhh what I wouldn’t give’ about it whilst also remembering it was bloody awful a lot of the time too!

I think it’s more to do with her being an only and there won’t be another one - I’d have loved more but it’s not to be, so every phase I’m very aware it’s the last time I’ll do x y or z. Now sometimes that’s not actually a bad thing, but I do always feel aware of it.

With you @AliasGrape, I’ve got one of those Velcro ones - also a terrible sleeper!! People keep telling me it’s lockdown born but I’m not sure if that’s just an excuse. But I love it. It is hard to stay in the moment and soak it all up, but I try because there are no more after this one and I know soon it’ll be school and then teenage years and then gone! And I was late having DC so I may never see grandchildren.

You've literally just described my life except I get asked why by my toddler a million times a day. I don't feel I fully appreciated the baby days with my 3yo so now we have our second and final baby currently 11 weeks I am trying to soak it all up although I do long for the day I might be able me to have an hour or two a week for me to have my own hobby again lol. At the minute I'd settle for an 8hr undisturbed do sleep.

As someone with a disabled 5 Yr old who is developmentally less than 1 and will never get to experience the 'toddler years' I can't cope with people who moan about typical toddler life. I'm still in baby life 5 years later but baby moves a lot, is super heavy, has teeth and is very strong.

This is what you signed up for, it's literally going to be my reality for the rest of my life 🙃 I'll be lucky if my child ever reaches 7 developmentally.

My days ARE long (I'm lucky if I get 4 hours a night) but the years are indeed very short.

I'm just saying, enjoy these fleeting yet hard years. They form the pathway for most into something wonderful.

Baby and toddler together is the survival period. Some people love it, but most look back on it with a mix of horror and nostalgia.

Hang in there OP. DD2 is almost 3, DD1 is 5 and they are easy peasy now. They talk fluently, understand instructions, take themselves to the toilet, feed themselves, play together and no one needs to work their day around naps.

I've only had one so far but I LOVED the newborn stage. I actually miss it!

Find the toddler play stage far more draining tbh. But you get a lot back. I think maybe every parenting experience is different!

I struggled with the tiny bit. I've never been good at being needed and I had one particularly needy one. No one slept properly for about 8 years. 8 fucking years. My job is also relentless, so it just felt like there was nothing left for me. I was wrung out for years.

It's much much easier now. I vividly remember being a teen and I've worked with them for 20odd years, so I feel qualified for this bit. There are issues, but it's nowhere near the toddler bit.

However, I do miss the joy. And some of the madness of small children being daft. Teenagers don't get excited at seeing a stick or an Easter egg ("what, have I got easter eggs? Is it Easter today then? Ah, I wondered why we were going out. ") They don't delve into the washing basket during story time and come out wearing their dad's underpants. They don't have that abandon. Everything is muted.

Someone told me that baby/toddler years are “endless joy but little fun”. It sums it up neatly for me with a nearly 2yo.

This is such an apt description.

YANBU, it’s so annoying!
Newborns are special and I loved that bit, it goes too fast and the next 2 years are tough.
Mine are primary age now and I think these are probably the best years of my life, I love these ages.

I'm in the trenches too with a 7 month old. First time mum here. God it's hard and somehow feel guilty for saying that or for not loving everything. Sure I'm falling in love with my baby every day and I love discovering new ways to love and develop but it's a process and we're growing together. It's not always fun.

I read this book recently by Lucy Jones called matrescence and I highly recommend it

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/books/2023/jun/29/matrescence-by-lucy-jones-review-the-birth-of-a-mother

My baby and toddler have just fallen asleep holding hands/feet through sleeping bag in my toddler's bed and it's the most precious moment of the day. It's definitely not easy at times but it IS as idyllic as a Kodak moment at times too!

I'm three years in and it's been the happiest years of my life. I absolutely love being a sahm and often feel sad at how fast the time is going. There's not enough time to do all the fun things I want to do with them before they start school! I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

I don't think I'm romanticising it as it's all very recent history. I mean, I don't enjoy poonamis, but loving something doesn't mean it is perfect 100% of the time! And even the very worst poonami disasters make me laugh now.

So probably some people romanticise, but not everyone.

I often wonder if some children are easier to romanticise than others. I love my eldest deeply but think it’ll take decades before I ever romanticise looking after him as a baby and toddler. He’s autistic and I think that must have contributed to his endless
screaming for hours and hours every day for months on end, literally screaming so much he fainted from it at times.

Ours would have been a 2 year gap but sadly miscarried. There's 4 years between our two boys... You take what you're given sometimes.

Once you have two or more, you'll see how easy one is in comparison :-D

I'm with you here, no sleep, even as others started to settle into sleep routines, mine couldn't. The constant screaming as the only form of communication, couldn't hold him, couldn't put him down, couldn't feed him, couldn't play with him, no milestones met, his only happy place was at a bus stop watching traffic or in a bath. Felt utterly exhausted, useless and a failure.

There is a 15 month age gap between my two and crikey, no I don't wish those years back. I actually have very little memory of them, I think I've blanked it out to maintain function 😂

I love babies, will always smile and love a squeeze, but so so happy to hand them back the second they get fussy!

@LongLostSock oh my gosh, same. 17 months between mine. No recollection of the first two years. I can't remember any of it. I see photos and it's like looking at a stranger. My friend told me I was 'manic' at the time, MH, lack of sleep, trying to make it through the day, I must have seemed very on edge to most people. I cried very easily.
I remember having sort of absent spells where I found myself on a bus with no real recollection of why I had decided to get the bus with two babies and where I was going. It was like a form of dementia.