To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

I think it's genuinely those that have good sleepers Vs those that don't. I know some who have slept 7-7 since 3 Months old. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row for 11 months now. That has to impact the ability.to savour it!

I agree with this.

I have a son who is 6 and a 2.5 week old newborn. My mother had our 6 year old overnight last night and our house was blissfully quiet. I hated the baby days with DS1. Really struggled. Different babies of course but was interesting how easy the new baby felt with big brother out of the picture for 24 hours.

My eldest didn't sleep more than 2 hours until he was 3, didn't sleep reliably u til he was 8. It was awful I don't miss the sleep. I do miss that baby / toddler who snuggled into me and his little fingers. So many things. Now I get maybe a quick hug a week where he towers over me and some days I would take all the sleepless nights for that baby.

But then we have relaxed trips and holidays now and I'm so grateful for the calm and sleep.

I guess the point is missing it doesn't mean it was easy but having you be the centre of the world for your children is so special and brief. You will miss that relationship when it changes.

@Maybeiamagrump your opinion is only coming from the experience of young children. Theres no way of knowing what age you prefer or what you'd miss until they are fully grown. I personally found parenting a baby/toddler a 100 times easier than parenting a teenager.

Some people just prefer kids once they are more independent. You are clearly one of them.

others love the baby stage.

lucky you, the baby stage is short and you will have decades of them being more independent!

I have an only, and it's just me and him. He's 4 now, in reception. I don't want to go back, I want time to slow down right now. I love this bit so much.

My DD did not sleep and I can barely remember those years. I was a zombie and gained a huge amount of weight. She was generally happy but I just felt so exasperated by her not sleeping through the night. We tried everything.

@AuntMarch I completely get you there, four year olds are just adorable. The way they hold your hand with pride, the excitement about relatively simple thing, their cute little voices. I would go back to that stage.
My son doesn't want to hold my hand anymore, he's seven.

Yes and no! It is bloody hard and at the time, I was constantly one more cup of pretend tea away from going mental but kids are tweens now and the adolescence worries make me want to give anything for one more cup of pretend tea! 🙈🤣 it’s all hard…and wonderful!

I think if we didn't romanticise it a bit very few people would have more than one child!

I adore my children but if I'm being totally honest I didn't really enjoy parenting them very much until about 3.5-4 years old. I found the toddler stage particularly excruciating. Both of mine woke in the night frequently until they were 4 so they were always overtired and they were also late talking, so they would get frustrated because they couldn't communicate their needs. We now know this was due to Autism but at the time I assumed I was doing something wrong.

My youngest is 6 now and life is so much easier.

This is interesting! And I think I agree. Babies are adorable when you've slept enough.

We introduced a bottle from birth and split the nights so I ALWAYS got 8 hours sleep a night - admittedly in two chunks, so 5 hours and some naps - but I loved the baby years.

I'm an absolute nightmare if I don't sleep though, which is why I planned to sleep in separate rooms and split the nights with DH. I know I'd hate it if I'd had 11 months of 4 hours sleep a night tbh

I had 3 years 3 months between eldest 2. DD2 slept through the night before her elder sister .No guarantees you get 2 the same.

Didn't have all the sterilizing and meal prep really. Stick them on boob when young. Then they were at nursery / childminders from 3mths ( eldest) and 6 months (2nd) so cereal and a snack tea made my life easier lol

The days when they are babies and toddlers are long and exhausting. There's definitely some relief once they are able to take care of themselves and entertain themselves a little bit, and you can grab a little bit of peace and quiet.

But, the phrase "little kids - little problems, big kids - big problems" is SO true. Emotionally it's a lot more difficult when they're older, especially if you're dealing with issues such as mental health struggles, bullying and neurodivergence.

One of the things that I’m most grateful for in life is that memories of hard times get forgotten and everything in the past is rose tinted, even though I know it was hard there’s no point clinging on to those memories. So I don’t think it’s romanticising as such. Not sure everyone thinks in this way - but I imagine you’d have a pretty negative outlook if bad memories outweighed the good?

in terms of my kids childhood, the saddest thing is that we seemed to skip right from childhood to adolescence at age 8 which has its own challenges and while I get lots of time to myself it’s so much more worrying/harder to keep your kids safe when they get older. More of a gradual painful letting go…

I loved when they were little but yes it can be hard, but then it's neverending like others say, it's just difficult in different ways. I think like anything, you tend to remember the good times of the past, when the current times are hard. It's also sad to see pics and vids of when they were little, and you look at them big and independent and you're not the centre of their world anymore.

On a lighthearted note, I did see this recently on FB and made me, my friends and family laugh at the accuracy, especially the mums face and I dont miss this at all! 😂
https://www.facebook.com/reel/280109668171439/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

I have a toddler and currently pregnant with number 2

it honestly upsets me when I think that these magical innocent days will one day be over. Of course there’s tough times, but I’ve always said if you’ve got a healthy child then parenting is what you make of it and how you approach it.

I think a lot of people have children without actually expecting their whole world to turn around. I also think a lot of people have babies because they want the newborn stage without taking into consideration they soon turn into little people with their own mind

I agree with you op

I currently have a 13, 2 and 6 week old.

It's bloody hard. Managing on broken sleep, even though the toddler sleeps through, she is a whirlwind and i have her most days alone.

The baby sleeps well (as well as a 6 week old does!) but it's still feeds/nappy changes every 3/4 hours day and night.

Then i worry about the teenager as she has autism and tries to live in her room.

Luckily DH is around on evenings and weekends and more than pulls his weight.

The positive thing is i know it passes and gets easier (from experience with DC1)

So true this.

I’m currently in the trenches with a 2 year old and just turned 1 year old twins. I love them all desperately but to be completely honest wish I had waited to have a second until toddler was at least three (didn't expect twins though to be fair 😂).

Along with the usual “are they twins?” “You’ve got your hands full” comments, I also get so many people telling me that I should enjoy it while they are young, that I won’t get the time back and how quickly it will go. Which however well meaning, doesn’t really do much for me when I’m struggling to keep my head above water!

Having said all this I know when they (finally) go to school I will look back with my own rose tinted glasses on (maybe 😂). Right now I can safely say that I don’t enjoy the toddler stage all that much and I feel so guilty but I am wishing time away until it gets a bit less intense!

I have a preteen and just had my second baby a few weeks ago. Weirdly enough as my DD started puberty and I noticed her changing, I began missing the younger years. Looking back at old photos and the memories of cute moments I just don’t get anymore - although I do love spending time with her as a teen and she’s a good kid.

When I found out I was pregnant the first thing I thought was “Noo I have to do those 12 years again!!” Whilst there were great moment, parenting a teen comes with a little more freedom for myself and I feel like I have elements of my life back.

The memories of the younger years can be sweet but living through it it’s quite bitter sweet.

I have a toddler and he is the light of our lives. Yes he can be hard work, yes I am exhausted and yes I lose my cool sometimes but more than that I am grateful every day for having him in our lives. I don't think I romanticise it. I appreciate it.

I lost a baby prior to him so maybe this contributes to how much I appreciate him.

I remember the newborn days been full on but they were nothing compared to missing a child you loved and wanted. I also have friends who cannot have children and would give anything to complain about newborn sleepless nights.

I will add I don't plan to have more.

My dd is 2 currently and I can honestly say right now I love every minute.

YANBU. When mine were young, there were lovely bits, but I've never forgotten how much hard work it all was. They are now teens and whilst there are challenges, I dont miss how physically hard it was when they were little.

My daughter is 14 now, I look back on the baby/toddler years with a mix of longing and (mainly!) utter relief she's older. We have amazing memories, but I was always worried about something or other when she was small - I'd've wrapped her in cotton wool if I could. On balance, I much prefer having a teenager!