To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

i see both sides because i have very independent teenagers 13 and 16 girls and i have a 2 year old boy. The 2 year old drives me insane and is very hard work, can't ever remember the girls being this way.

That being said in a heart beat i'd love my girls to be little again.

I'm in the thick of it too, also with a toddler who doesn't sleep, and gets up at 5:30... It's hard work but I do love it, and I already know I'll intensely miss it.

A lot of it is going to come down to personalities. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, and he's in a really clingy phase at the moment so I have to do EVERYTHING, Daddy is absolutely unacceptable, but he's not a big tantrummer and he's always been a tidy eater. And he sees wonder in everything.

It is relentless... but I suspect it just becomes different types of busy and hard until they're older and have their own lives, and then we miss them. And it's already so easy to look back at a couple of months ago and remember what he was doing/saying/loving at that time, and feel a bit wistful for it all.

There will be rose tinted glasses, nobody is looking back thinking about the sick bugs or the nights of hourly wake ups, but the overall thing... I can see why you'd choose to stay in it, if you could.

*HollyKnight · Today 12:16

The thing is, it doesn't really get any easier the older they get. Your struggles just change. What you see as people romanticising the baby stage could be people who with hindsight realise that was the easiest stage (for them). You wish it away because it's so tough, but then you miss it when it's gone because you didn't appreciate it at the time.*

I agree with this. It's also the feeling you get when you remember your child as a baby or a toddler and realise that they are no longer that person, and that your baby doesn't exist any more. That makes you miss it - even the sleepless nights - just sometimes.

People romanticise after the fact, motherhood is the most underrated job there is, especially during the early years. It’s tough as hell, which doesn’t make it less wonderful but I feel we are still not “allowed” to voice how we feel. “Just be grateful”, “They grow up so quickly”, “Good mothers embrace it all”, etc, etc. I wish there was more honesty about parenting.

Baby and toddler years are full of some absolutely wonderful moments- and some totally tiring, brain numbing, tedious ones. Especially when they don't sleep! I now have the same feeling about babies / toddlers as I do about dogs. They are fantastic....when they belong to other people. My niece is wonderful, but I am pleased I don't have the day to day logistics to contend with. I will happily babysit, but life with my teens is much easier.

DH and I often say it would be nice to have a weekend where our DC were toddlers again - but one weekend would be enough.

I do think this poster hits the nail on the head in terms of when you look back you often forget the bad - which is probably where a lot of these sentjnments come from.

For example, my parents had 4 kids under 6. My mum and dad look back at that now and it's all lovely dovey and roses and it was so lovely having you all so close etc. it blows their mind that we don't want anymore children because it's just so wonderful. but I remember that time vividly and know most days they were extremely stressed, we never had any money, they used to argue a lot, my mum was also at one point very depressed. I realise this is a bit extreme but my point is we naturally seem to look back with rose tinted glasses!

I have a 4 and 1 year old right now and tbh, I don't actively enjoy being a parent. I love my kids, but it's more often hard, tiring, stressful than it is happy and fun and enjoyable

Isn’t it just said to be supportive and put a positive spin on things that are, in reality, a living nightmare?

It depends on the baby/toddler, so far our two year old has been fairly easy, good sleeper, easily entertained, not too bitey. So for us, it has likely been more enjoyable as we haven’t been half asleep for two years.

So true, some babies are absolutely easier than others. Mine is... not an easy one.

Also, I love the description 'not too bitey'- that's the best that can ever be said for a toddler! 😂

I hand-on-heart have loved it. The only bits I've really struggled with are extended sleep regressions and a phase he went through where he preferred his dad. I found early in mat leave a bit isolating (the depths of winter) but it was also a little bubble where we got to know eachother.

However I'd agree it comes down to personal circumstances. My husband is very hands on and my mam is close by and adores a bit of babysitting. My little boy has an easygoing personality and hasn't given us much to worry about.

My experience is going to be very different from someone with a partner who might have to travel lots for work or someone with no family support or someone with a baby who has severe reflux or allergies.

Same here but no one ever believes it 🤷‍♀️

It seems to be a rule on here that you must not admit to enjoying the first 5 years of your child’s life, you must only find it torture!

I am certainly not saying that and I don’t really appreciate that tbh. It isn’t torture but I would like a bit more time for me in the future.

My youngest is coming up for 17 and I wouldn’t go back to the toddler years if you paid me a million quid.

Feel the same about my dog and the puppy years TBF.

As someone with kids and an 8 year age gap I can tell you the rose tinted spectacles are real! My 3rd child is pretty full on but mostly hes just a regular 18 month old and they are demanding, all consuming little sleep thief's. I love him dearly but long for a little bit of my own life back...

I actually do love the toddler stage but it is hard work!

I also chuckle at the people who say it doesn't get any easier you know (I have a 10 and 12 year old and whilst not without its challenges are really good company and are mostly pretty chilled!)

I have a 2 year old and I will definitely miss this stage!! I genuinely enjoy going to toddler classes (I loved baby classes too!!), stay and plays, soft play, the park, swimming, the farm, on family days out ect.!! Every day is an adventure and I love hearing his little voice say things like wow and oh no!! I even enjoy doing crafts and painting with him even if he often needs a bath after and the floor needs cleaning. I don’t want time without him as this time goes by so quickly and I really do want to treasure every moment of this time 💕 When he is older a cuddle/hug/breastfeed isn’t going to fix everything, a high five and a sticker isn’t going to fill him with joy, I treasure this time that I have with him whilst he is little and still needs me for most things 🤗 We’re waiting until he is in school to try for another baby as I want to be able to give them just as much time and attention/baby classes ect. plus it extends the time we have in the little kid stage 🤗

Every child is different. Dd was amazing baby and toddler till 3 and easy as I enjoyed every moment.. dd became vvv hard at 3 and I really struggled till 5. Now she's easier and a dream again but talks her mind ...her baby hood was the easiest time to date...but every stage and age has positive and negatives... I know several friends who had hard babies and had easy time through the years 3-5 when I really struggled..

It's both extremes, isn't it?

DD was an ill baby and transitioned neatly into being a total non-sleeper. We had a blissful break of about three months when she didn't need waking to be fed every two hours, and she went down for about five hours together. After that she didn't sleep properly for years. And we were broken. And the financial stress of it all doesn't help.

But, babies are lovely.

A friend of mine puts it beautifully. She has adult children now -and is the most wonderful mother, with a lovely bond with all of her children - and she says she doesn't want to go back full time, but she would love to go back for a moment, to give her small children a huge hug.

I think that captures how it is.

I don't know. Mine are 5.5 and almost 3. I look at people with infants and babies and sort of feel like I've passed that stage. I feel relief but also grief. I'd do anything to have mine back as babies just for a day. Just to remember them at that age. Especially my eldest. I just didn't appreciate how short a time he'd be a baby for. I was so much more relaxed second time around. When the long nights hit hard I knew they would pass .

If I were five years younger I'd have another. But I'm not.

Agree with this. Mine is 3 and doesn’t reliably sleep though the night. Her sister before her didn’t sleep through until she was 2. That’s five years of no sleep and early mornings.

Nahh, my DD was cute and all buuttt I'm with you OP. I didn't love the baby / toddler years very much. I didn't love pregnancy either though, and that's super romanticised too!

I don't know, my daughter is very cute

I love my grown up children and my pre teen ver much. We have a soon to be teen daughter.

Baby and todler years were SO much easier than +5 yo.

I’m with you OP. I love my kids to bits but don’t have many ‘fun’ memories of them being babies and toddlers because truly I didn’t find baby toddler stuff fun. Because I’m not a baby. Or a toddler. Some people love it and great for them. I much prefer their company now they’re older and we can have nice conversations and meals together etc.

A lot of times it was quite boring especially going to the park

but those times when I would carry ds around on my hip and he would wrap his arms around my neck I miss you are never loved as much as in those moments

I love them when they get to the age where they can run around the park or soft play by themselves. Following them around the park is soul destroying.