To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

I loved the baby and toddler years, if I was 10 years younger I'd do it all again with my now dp but as it is I have 2 adult kids , 2 adult stepkids and life is great. Looking forward to grandchildren

Yes! You might have to squabble with them a bit to do their homework, or soothe them when they argue with a friend. But at least they probably can go out without wetting their pants, or lying down in Tesco screaming because they aren't allowed Paw Patrol magazine, or bolting off in a car park etc.

I currently have a 3 month old so I have a lot to come, but so far I’m loving the baby phase.

Yes some days are hard, but overall, I’m really trying to cherish everyday as it’s going so quickly!! I love the snuggles, watching her learn new things, the baby classes, meeting other mums, I love it all!

The big caveat is that I have an easy baby, she’s sleeping through, supportive DH, grandparents on tap, 6 months full pay for mat leave, and I live in a ‘yummy mummy’ area with loads of nice coffee shops, baby classes and like minded mums.

All of the above means I’m really well placed to be enjoying it - it would be very different in more difficult circumstances.

I've enjoyed each stage more and more. I love seeing their personality developing. I like talking to them and finding out their perspective on things. I love hearing about their interactions with others, and how they navigate their world. It fills me with pride when they teach me something I don't know. Far more interesting than the early years. The early years was the hard work, laying the foundations for the fun bit.

I have a big gap (10 years.) My youngest is 16 months. My eldest is a brilliant kid but I miss his pudgy little hands reaching up for me and kissing that soft spot by his eyes as he falls asleep.

I try to soak up every moment with DS2, even the difficult ones because I know how much I’ll miss them.

I have to say though I absolutely hated newborn stage both times. I do not reminisce about newborns 🤣 if you could hand me my baby at about 8 months old that would be fab.

Baby and toddler here. Neither sleep very long so apart from one night when I was in labour with the baby I've been up with toddler through the night since birth. I love night feeds! I can't say I romanticise this stage. I feel it all so intensely and adore it whilst also finding it tricky and overwhelming at times. I never wish it away and spend a lot of time when they're asleep recording our memories.

I'm in the trenches at the moment as well OP, with a 3yo and a 4mo and oh my it's hard. I didn't find it anywhere near as hard with my first but it was a completely different experience, he was a good sleeper and generally chilled baby whereas my second is not and now I obviously have a 3yo to look after as well. I think people do tend to look back and remember the nice bits on the whole. However I've told my husband that if I make noises about a 3rd in a year or so, please give me a slap. I am 38 this year and while that's not necessarily old, I'm fucking knackered 😂

My baby will be 11 months next week and I honestly don't understand where the time has gone. The days have, for me, felt endless. I long to pee in peace.

But I am also constantly caught out by him growing out of clothes and hitting the next milestone. He has 4 teeth and is walking (wobbling) around on his own and shakes me off if I try to help him. I look at him and don't understand where my tiny little baby has gone.

I am dreading toddlerhood, maybe those months won't feel so quick.

I don't romanticise the early days of having 2 under 2. It was hard and I deliberately waited till ds was 3 and at preschool before ttc dd2. When he was 3 months old though, my life did get easier. I had healed from the birth, had a good routine and had found my stride. With dd2 everything has been easier and I've really enjoyed this time.with her. She eats well, sleeps well and whilst clingy is a chilled toddler. Perhaps I'm more chilled now because of my previous experiences with her siblings but I can say hand on heart the last two years have been a gift.

Personally I believe each person has a stage they are better at than others and find easier

Personally I HATED pregnancy - getting fat and unattractive and feeling vulnerable. Then the baby stage was just boring.

I LOVED the toddler stage and adore the teen years.

I love teenagers as they are a much more interactive and challenging but they sleep so well!!

You will find your groove

For me children are the reward for surviving a baby. I find my older children absolutely delightful. Real characters with so much personality, humour and interesting conversations. Babies and toddlers are 98% hard work.

Yanbu, I found it very hard. Very, very hard and honestly only started enjoying my dc when they were around 5. I have a 1 year old and just want the years to go by.
It does go by fast, but that isn't a bad thing. I do not enjoy babies/toddler ages- much prefer them older.

I miss being the centre of my children's world, the excited little faces when they hadn't seen me for 5 minutes, the mass of kisses I woke up to every morning, their little cute voices, just gorgeous memories. However, YANBU, the baby/toddler years are gruelling especially when you have a shit partner/husband.

It gets better OP, but I do feel nostalgic sometimes. I do come to my senses pretty quickly.

My youngest is nearly five, so I'm just out the other side of this.

I don't romanticise it, I remember the horrors. But - what's the point of holding onto that with bitterness or anger? Really, once the time is past you have to let go of it, just as you do with other tough times in your life.

I think part of it is the bastardised form of parenting we do now in nuclear families, I don't think humans are designed to be in four walls with one adult and child/children all day. We should be in a village type setting with more contact and kids able to entertain each other.

Mine were little in the pandemic (9mo and 3yo) when it started, tbh my feelings about the pandemic and early years motherhood overlap quite a bit! Was it all necessary, was there a better way through it? Maybe, but it's done now.

I do miss sloppy toddler kisses and the absence of kids arguing with each other.

I have a big gap and I agree.

I loved the baby stage both times, but more so the second time.

The toddler stage isn’t my favourite but it’s not all bad either.

I was able to properly relax and enjoy my youngest’s baby days because my oldest was well out of the toddler stage by then.

I’d have hated to have a newborn and a toddler at the same time.

On the other hand, I’ll have been in the throes of “hard parenting” for way longer than I would have been if I went for a smaller gap.

We do definitely romanticise the baby/toddler years a lot. I look back with rose tinted glasses and yearn for a whole day with a toddler when you’re the centre of their world and can just hang out. But a day would do it. Mine are teens now and oh my god life is easier and less chaotic.
I’ll subscribe to the cliche that it did go quickly though - one of mine will leave for Uni next year and the other in four years and I am absolutely dreading it.
I thought the golden years with kids was 7-12 years. You do at least have that to come:)

I found this stage easier. My DC didn't sleep well but I wasn't working. You also have more times in evenings. Teenagers are exhausting - stay up late, lifts everywhere, school work...

Yes I fully agree.

My mum always said having young kids was the best time of her life, but when I had my own little one at 34, she was reminded of how hard it was. It seemed to jog her memory of how hard some days could be.

I remember people visiting at the very start and saying oh enjoy every minute, soak it in and this is the easy bit - while I’m sleep deprived and wanting to cry my eyes out at how my life had been turned upside down haha!! One friend said to me “it’s hard isn’t it” and I was so happy someone finally acknowledged it.

Every stage has its wonderful parts & its hard parts. And what those are, and in what ratio, are very individual.

My DC are now nearly 17, 15 & 13. I've recently posted on the thread about teens being hard, as I find these years far more physically, as well as emotionally, challenging!

However, I became a single parent, following an abusive marriage, when my youngest was a baby. The lead up to that was terrible, with me spending many hours away from the house with a newborn, toddler & preschooler. So in a way, when I was on my own with the DC, after the marriage ended, I could actually relax, and enjoy it. It was tough, I certainly remember days of tears & exhaustion, but they were my complete focus & I enjoyed being a parent, we did loads, I was always busy and it suited me.

It's all shrouded in mist now, those days of babies, and toddlers, and sticky hands, snacks, packing up, toilet trips & nappy changes ... sometimes I find it hard to believe I ever had little children, having reached that stage where I smile at cute kids with their parents out shopping or in the queue for a coffee shop.

I definitely get nostalgic but am also realistic. It was very hard, all alone, and equally, while it's hard in a different way now, I know it's lovely in other ways. On good days, my teens make me laugh & are great company.

For me, it's the way life is. It's hard to fully appreciate the moment you are in - you can often only see the good parts in retrospect!

However, I never say to new mums, 'enjoy them!' or 'it goes so fast', as I absolutely remember how I hated hearing that, when some days felt like centuries, and I couldn't imagine certain stages ever ending. While it's true it's great to pause & take in the moments, it's also the reality of life that this is virtually impossible.

but she would love to go back for a moment, to give her small children a huge hug.

Oh yes. And I'm going to get all sad thinking about this now!

I'd give anything for a cuddle with one of my children as they were when small. Or walking with them, holding their hand. 💔

For us the baby and toddler years were mostly really nice. Lots of sabbatical time away and working abroad. All nursery staff bar 2 in those years loved our DC and totally got him - in the UK and US.

Early primary years in the UK were not so good. Relocating we ended up with DC in an independent school. We were literally paying to be miserable. It was the only place his face didn’t fit. By Yr 5 we were elsewhere and back to life making sense.

So, yes toddler years fab.

It's one of those things you look back fondly on...after it's done. For us toddler life is like Groundhog Day and there's no break as we have no family support. It's the same routine week in week out. And everything (going shopping, getting dressed, getting out the door to go anywhere) takes so long and so much effort. At times it's relentless and quite depressing, especially when you know there is no respite like a weekend away or even a night out on the horizon.

But I know when our toddler is older and more independent I'll look back and pine for it. Happened with my older dc. Parenting is weird.

I struggled hugely with the baby and toddler years. I love having teenagers. They're still grumpy sods at times but at least they can wipe their own bums.

I love hanging out with them. I was crap at preschool pretend play etc. I was disappointed with how impatient I was.

I was so tired!

Now I have a life and I love spending time with them. They're funny and interesting. Honestly I wouldn't have a million pounds to go back to wet nappies, broken sleep and sticky fingers!

It’s cos as the kids get older, you realise that that was the easy bit…

I hated it. My DH calls it the ‘happiest days of our lives’. No sir. I was a broken woman but I don’t say that obviously. I only felt better about it when I went back to work.

It got better and better for me as they got older. We can actually go out drinking with them now it’s amazing! So glad those baby/toddler days are over.