To consider having a child without a partner

[RegretMisery]

To think having a male partner and a child is more like raising two children than being an equal partnership? Having a husband seems like more hassle than it's worth.

I think it's utterly utterly selfish. It's for your benefit, it's not for the child's benefit.

My partner has never known his Dad , he disappeared before he was born . It has lefty an absolutely massive hole in his life .

There is no way I'd even consider going it alone.

Parenting is HARD when there are 2 of you sharing the load in an equal partnership. I wouldn't do it by myself out of choice, no way.

If you get a good man like my DH, its still hard work. And that's aside from my beliefs that all children deserve a father in their life.

You need to think of the child not you

@RegretMisery I'm a solo mum by choice to 2 children. Best decision I ever made 🥰

Such a sham this is a husband bashing post.

I was all for supporting you saying yes you can raise a child on your own but to think that having a husband is like having another child is just sad.

Don't tar all men with the same brush.

My dad died when I was a very small child and I grew up without him. Despite my mum being the best mum in the world I really, really, really missed a dad in my life.
Myself, I only met DH in my late 30s and if I didn't I wouldn't have had a child alone because I knew very well how it was to be a girl with no father in her life. Don't judge anyone but I personally wouldn't do it because of above.

Well, she didn't go down this route because she hated men 😂 just that she never met anyone special. I think they can access this info at some point as I seem to remember.

@Cally70 best decision for your children? If I ask DS whether he would be better off without a dad, bet he wouldn't say yes

Can’t think of anything worse tbh, it’s hard work with a partner. But then I was never desperate to have kids.

I would really think about what’s best for the child tbh. A dear friend of mine had a baby via donor at age 40. He is a loved and happy child, but it hasn’t been easy for her at all as a single parent. The child also is now at an age where he wants to know why he doesn’t have a father, and has lots of questions. I guess time will tell. I would be interested to know how donor-conceived children feel about it when they are adults.

I had IVF on my own and now have a nearly 4 year old. It's tough at times but I'm honestly so happy. I would totally recommend it.

Who's benefit did you have children for?

This is Mumsnet so you’ll get people telling you how selfish you are. In reality, millions of people don’t have fathers, millions of people don’t have traditional family units, and more and more women are making the decision to become single parents by choice. It’s 2024 not 1954. Do it.

Ok I suppose until something goes wrong. After spending the day on that gynae ward last week really opened my eyes having children isn't easy, one poor lady got complications after the birth and I thought hmmm, yeah try doing that without a partner, family or very stable network. 🙁

Of course having any child is for the parents benefit. In this case it’s the parent (singular). What is the difference? Any act of having a child regardless of who the parent(s) are is selfish. Your attitude is selfish.

You can't predict how a man will be like with kids (unless maybe he already has kids?).

But I think in an ideal world, a child should have both parents. Obviously there are kids who lose their dad, whose father leaves, etc ... But purposely denying them a father for no reason is selfish imo.

I had two kids with a man who turned out to be a pedophile, and not being able to allow them to have a normal relationship with a normal dad is my biggest regret, I'm also really worried about the mental burden it will have on them later in life.

YANBU for wanting to remain single. Single women are the happiest according to research.

YABU to deliberately bring a child into a one parent family. Especially if you use sperm donation or otherwise deny them 50% of their identity.

Legally children can contact their donor at 18 in this country. They can’t be anonymous.

To intentionally create a child who doesn't know his/her father is ethically unsound, I think. Not as traumatising as surrogacy from the outset but pretty poor parenting. It's the intentionality that's the issue rather than the raising of a kid as one parent.

@Supernova23 but that is a long time to not know that information. For their formative years they have no knowledge of that, and the donor won't be a father figure anyway

What is your reason? Millions of children have useless fathers that have no role in their upbringing. I have a friend whose partner cheated on her when pregnant and has no role in the child’s life. What is worse - abandonment from a father, or bringing a much wanted child into the world without one?

Male role models come in all forms, not just biological fathers.

I suppose you also think same sex couples are also unethical. Times have moved on.

I have a certain amount of skin in the game. Babies are a doddle to single parent, and an only child is definitely easier than raising two by yourself but I would very much advise looking at the reasons you want to have a baby. Are you looking for unconditional love? Children don't give that, nor should they. Would you be able to be the bad cop on an ongoing basis? Put up with them absolutely hating you as a teenager (and hating the choice you made for them not to have a partner)? I know people who have done it successfully but without exception they have had a strong family and friend network around them. I've known some where it's gone wrong, particularly when the mum has thought that single parenting was a way of having a child without having to deal with the ups, downs and compromises of a partner... Sorry to be so brutal OP but in this last scenario, it's been a nightmare for everyone involved, but especially the child, who didn't choose to be born into any of this...

You are still focusing on you, no thought of a child that will never know a father or Paternal relatives. No paternal medical history. Just a baby because you need one.

If you are happy and know exactly what you're getting into, of course think about having a child on their own. I do think you see the worst of it on MN though - you aren't going to get posts from all those women who are generally in happy relationships, and are pleased they are raising children with a partner.