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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A horrible inheritance one

136 replies

Glasto73lover · 26/03/2024 22:22

My dad died 18 months ago and everything was left to my
stepmother but I did inherit a cash sum. That’s not the issue here.

Stepmother is now selling off some of my Dads possessions including some furniture that belonged to my grandparents and has said if I want it, I have to buy it off her.

Aibu for being really upset at having to buy my own Dad & grandparents possessions? I can barely believe it to be honest. I only want one sentimental piece that I don’t want going to a stranger but the whole thing has really upset me as I know my Dad would have been upset too and horrified,

OP posts:
OVienna · 27/03/2024 11:30

The step mother does sound like she resents the cash the OP got and feels hard done by.

Pheasantsmate · 27/03/2024 11:37

What’s your relationship been like with your stepmother since your father died? My sister was a stepmum and when her husband died she just got Christmas cards from his daughter and nothing else.

You sound like you don’t like her much. And as others have said, there is a bit of a difference in handing over a sentimental piece of furniture rather than a chippendale - she might want to just know what she is dealing with before making and promises

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 27/03/2024 11:44

OVienna · 27/03/2024 11:30

The step mother does sound like she resents the cash the OP got and feels hard done by.

Of course, we don't know their specific circumstances, but a lot of people do react that way when there's an inheritance: they see it as free money that could be theirs if they can only engineer taking it, and they get irrationally offended at the idea that other members of the family might end up with a share of it too, even when they have the exact same relationship to the deceased.

There are also some people - again, not levelling this at OP's SM - who will deliberately seek out a widow(er) who is many years, even decades, older than them and see it pretty much as a long 'job contract' for them to give up a number of years of their life and stay married to somebody they probably don't find as attractive or see as much as a life companion as they would a person much closer to their own age.

To them, eventually getting everything that their spouse leaves is nothing but their 'wages' - and having to share it with anybody else, even if expressly willed by their late spouse, feels to them like a great betrayal and being robbed of what was rightfully theirs.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/03/2024 12:33

Glasto73lover · 27/03/2024 05:22

Thanks for all your comments. The furniture in question was made for my grandparents. It’s probably not valuable or unusual but it meant a lot to my dad. I think he didn’t expect her to just flog it. There’s a couple of other bits that my cousins might want too for the same reasons. It’s sentimental more than anything.

I do have one childhood wooden toy that was also made for my father that he gave to my kids - I need to have a think over weekend whether that’s enough for me. I am just quite shocked at the moment that she’d try to sell it me - I feel like it taints my father’s memory to be honest so feel a responsibility to it.

i hope she rots in hell to be honest.

That's exactly the situation that my husband was in - the furniture that he had to buy back was made by his grandfather, a master carpenter.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/03/2024 12:35

Natsku · 27/03/2024 05:27

I'm so sorry OP, that's really awful of her. I'm sure your dad expected that his wife cared about you and would let you take sentimental items, no one wants to think that their spouse could be so cruel to their child. This is why it should be the law in the UK (I think it already is in Scotland, and is in many other countries), that children are legally entitled to a certain share of their parents' estate, no matter what the will says, so second spouses can't steal from the children.

Yes, in Scotland any child (whether biological or adopted) is entitled to a share of one third of the moveable estate. That law has been in place since the 1960s.

Propertylover · 27/03/2024 13:53

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/03/2024 07:02

No - executors are obliged to realise the estate and distribute the estate. Their role is not one of a mere valuation channel!

Whether the deceased's principal beneficiary should morally gift items or money from the estate is a different matter

Edited
Show quote history

A beneficiary can say, so the value of the table is £20, I would like to take the table so deduct £20 from my cash inheritance.

Linnet · 27/03/2024 20:15

My father in law left his residual estate to his 2nd wife as he was legally entitled to do. This included all family photos of his parents and close relatives, family furniture etc. The wife has cut the entire family off and offered nothing in the way of mementos. We’ve asked if we can have the family photos, photos of people she never even met and who mean nothing to her, but we’re still waiting on an answer. I’m sure my father in law would have expected her to hand over things like family photos to his sons but because he didn’t explicitly write it in his Will legally we have no right to them. These items mean nothing to her and because of the way she is acting my husband doesn’t have one single item of his father to remember him by.

I agree that the law should be changed so that children are entitled to a share of the moveable estate.

Superlambaanana · 27/03/2024 21:06

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle
"No - executors are obliged to realise the estate and distribute the estate. Their role is not one of a mere valuation channel!

Whether the deceased's principal beneficiary should morally gift items or money from the estate is a different matter"

Executors can dispose of property, but they are not obliged to sell everything in order to distribute cash as you seem to be implying.

Holidayinn · 27/03/2024 21:54

If they change the law then I'm making sure everything is already in my sole name so my evil SD gets none of my estate. I'm the wealthier of the two of us anyway and stand to inherit but if it's jointly owned she'd be entitled to a share of it and I can't have that.

underthemilky · 28/03/2024 11:10

Holidayinn · 27/03/2024 21:54

If they change the law then I'm making sure everything is already in my sole name so my evil SD gets none of my estate. I'm the wealthier of the two of us anyway and stand to inherit but if it's jointly owned she'd be entitled to a share of it and I can't have that.

What has your husband's daughter done to you?

WarshipRocinante · 28/03/2024 11:15

Holidayinn · 27/03/2024 21:54

If they change the law then I'm making sure everything is already in my sole name so my evil SD gets none of my estate. I'm the wealthier of the two of us anyway and stand to inherit but if it's jointly owned she'd be entitled to a share of it and I can't have that.

Does your husband want his daughter to get his share? Or does he agree that she is evil and has disinherited her?
You may be the higher earner but sounds like he still earns and has a share of the assets. Why should his daughter get that share?

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